Category Archives: Communication
December 18, 2019 Always Interrupted? 4 Ways To Overcome It
Are you dealing with a chronic interrupter? Whether in the workplace or your personal life, it never feels good for someone to talk over you, ignore you, or minimize what you’re trying to say.
How can you possibly deal with the strong personality of someone who constantly interrupts? Try these 4 methods:
1. Speak to the Interrupter in Private
Instead of getting mad, posting about the interrupter on social media, or fuming to your friends or colleagues, it is worth it to have a conversation with the offender. Though it’s never easy to have tough conversations (an issue I addressed in a past newsletter), there are tactful ways to approach the person and convey your message without sounding accusatory.
Make sure you schedule a private meeting with enough time to talk things out. Then, use the D4 model to address the issue:
Data: What are the facts? What actually happened?
Depth of Feeling: How did the instance make you feel?
Dramatic Interpretation: How are you interpreting the situation? What meaning have you given it?
Do: What do you want to do? What do you want the other person to do? Focus on actions taken and actions required.
In this case, the D4 model might sound something like, “I’ve noticed that you often interrupt me when I’m speaking. That makes me feel frustrated and belittled because I get the impression that my ideas and perspectives are not valuable. I wanted you to be aware of this so we could come up with a solution together…
2. Lean On Your Allies
If you’re too nervous to confront the interrupter OR you tried speaking with this person and nothing has changed, try reaching out to others. Let them know the situation and how you’re feeling (it’s possible others are feeling the same way you are!). Then, ask them to help by sticking up for you at meetings and saying, “Now, wait a minute. I’d like to hear what [YOUR NAME] has to say.” Be sure to offer the same support to them, if they need it.
3. Call Out the Interruption
If the interrupter starts talking over you, have the confidence to call them on their bologna! Immediately counter with, “Just a sec. I wasn’t finished,” and then finish what you have to say.
Part of this technique involves being confident that what you’re saying IS valuable. Know that it is. Your voice is important and deserves to be heard.
4. Change Up Your Meetings
If things are really bad, you may want to talk with your supervisor and ask about using a meeting moderator. This is someone who is designated to run the meeting (it may be your supervisor a designated point person), call on people for their thoughts, and stamp out bad behavior, such as interruptions. Though it may feel a bit like a teacher monitoring a Kindergarten classroom, sometimes that’s what it takes!
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
NOW LIVE: CHECK OUT MARGARET’S NEW ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: Be heard at work, let your voice be heard, Margaret Smith business coach, Margaret Smith Minneapolis career coach, stop interrupters in workplace, stop interruptions at work
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- Posted under Communication, Discussions, Thrive at Work
December 11, 2019 Better Feedback with the D4 Model
When you think about feedback, do you think of the old “feedback sandwich” where a piece of advice is wedged between two compliments? Do you picture an awkward conversation involving lots of fidgeting and very little eye contact? And what happens after the meeting? Is there a system in place to hold people accountable for implementing the feedback?
There’s a better way to give feedback.
Whether you’re giving appreciative feedback for a job well done, or developmental feedback to help someone improve, it’s a good idea to turn to the D4 Model. This model, created by Insights® Discovery, is set up to accommodate people of all personality types and tendencies. Whether someone is driven by data, emotions, or action, the D4 model works with the person on the other side of the table to give feedback that sticks.
What does D4 stand for?
Data
What are the facts? What actually happened?
Depth of Feeling
How did the instance make you feel?
Dramatic Interpretation
How are you interpreting the situation? What meaning have you given it?
Do
What do you want to do? What do you want the other person to do? Focus on actions taken and actions required.
How does the model play out in real life? If you’re giving appreciative feedback (it is Thanksgiving month, after all!), you might say something like the following:
“When you helped to organize the company fundraiser, I felt relieved that I didn’t have to do everything on my own, and that makes me think that you and I share the same commitment to a healthy office culture, and I want to say thank you and invite you to help spearhead future fundraisers.”
If you’re giving developmental feedback, the model plays out a little differently. The action step (“Do”) calls for a strategy and a follow-up, so that action can be implemented and accounted for. Here’s an example:
Be sure to give your team plenty of constructive praise this month, using the D4 model. It is the season for gratitude and it’s always a good idea to let your staff know that they are valued and appreciated. If, however, you encounter problems this month, don’t be afraid to use the D4 model for development. It’s a great way to concisely and clearly offer candid, practical feedback.
Don’t dread evaluations this year! Just remember: Data, Depth of feeling, Dramatic interpretation, and DO.
Looking for more feedback tips? Please contact me.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
NOW LIVE: CHECK OUT MARGARET’S NEW ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: appreciative feedback, better feedback, constructive feedback, D4 feedback model, difficult conversations, Margaret Smith licensed Insights practitioner, Margaret Smith LP of Insights, tough conversations at work
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- Posted under Communication, Leadership
November 13, 2019 No One Listening? Be More Persuasive (with 5 techniques)
Do you have trouble getting what you want? Are you often overlooked or not listened to? Do you know a change needs to be made, but you’re having trouble framing your argument?
It sounds like you need to tap into the power of persuasion!
Being persuasive doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being sneaky or underhanded. If you use persuasion in an honest way, it means articulating something so others can see your point of view. Sometimes, you have to be persuasive to make positive changes or advance your career.
How do you become persuasive? Try a few of the following techniques:
1. Prepare
No matter if you’re leading a meeting, having a one-on-one with your boss, or proposing a new idea around the water cooler, it’s necessary to come prepared.
Do your homework, research the ins and outs of your proposal, AND anticipate potential problems or questions others may ask. If you know your stuff, you’ll automatically be more persuasive.
2. Be Confident
When you’re speaking, don’t use words like “I believe” or “I suppose.” Be confident when making a claim. Say it boldly, and people will listen.
Research shows people are more likely to listen to someone who is confident than someone who is an actual expert. Of course, you don’t want to spread false information, but when you do have something to say, say it with confidence!
3. Frame Your Words Carefully
Consider these two sentences, and tell me which is more effective:
“I’d like to be considered for the management position because I’m interested in furthering my career.”
“I’d like to be considered for the management position because I’m interested in new opportunities and challenges.”
The second one, right? These sentences both convey someone wishing to be considered for a promotion. Yet the second sentence focuses on personal growth and a desire to learn, while the first seems to say that the person, at the end of the day, is really only in it for themselves.
Before going into a meeting, practice your phrasing in front of a mirror, until you feel comfortable delivering it.
4. Be a Mirror
When trying to persuade someone, mirroring their body language, tone of voice, and volume makes you seem empathetic. In fact, if you’re an empathetic person to begin with, you are probably doing this without realizing it! People instinctively try to form alliances whenever possible, and by copying their mannerisms (subtly, of course!), you’re signaling that you understand them and are on their side.
5. Know Your Audience
Pay attention and start noticing what matters to people in your office. Do certain topics of conversation keep coming up? Are people interested in family, football, pets, or local music? What values do they seem to have?
Getting to know the people around you is invaluable to building rapport and gaining trust. Ultimately, if others find you easy to talk to and pleasant to be around, you won’t even have to think about being persuasive—people will want to listen to what you have to say.
If you want to make a change, put forth an idea, or simply be heard, it’s a good idea to hone your personal power of persuasion. It may not come easily at first, but with practice, you’ll be a pro!
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
NOW LIVE: CHECK OUT MARGARET’S NEW ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: Be more persuasive, Margaret Smith LP of Insights, Margaret Smith Minneapolis career coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker, Persuasive arguments, persuasive at office, persuasive at work
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Communication, Thrive at Work
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