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Creating Successful Leaders

In the workplace, like so many other spaces in our lives, we can choose to be bad-tempered and short with others…or we can choose to be kind. Even if your co-workers or boss can occasionally make you exasperated or annoyed, you can decide to turn things around and respond with kindness and understanding. In fact, this is perhaps the best time to respond this way. Far too often, bad tempers build on each other, which can escalate a situation.

We can also lead with kindness, setting a friendly tone with others right off the bat. Leading by example can be powerful, and if you make an intentional effort to be considerate and understanding, others will hopefully follow suit. 

Acting with kindness does not have to involve grand gestures, and it doesn’t even need to be a high-effort endeavor. Instead, you can incorporate kindness into your everyday actions—the way you respond, talk to, and/or include others. These efforts not only create a more welcoming environment, they also can improve the company’s bottom line by increasing productivity and reducing turnover. On the other hand, according to a study published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, “Ostracism, incivility, harassment, and bullying have direct negative significant effects on job productivity” and lead to higher job burnout.

To start amplifying kindness in the workplace, I suggest starting with these 5 small acts of kindness.

1. Acknowledge Others

It may seem like a small thing, but the simple act of acknowledging someone you pass in the hallway or giving a sincere greeting to each of your colleagues in a Zoom meeting (provided it’s not a meeting with dozens of people!) can make a significant impact. No one likes to feel invisible. Giving someone a warm greeting and adding a remark like, “It’s nice to see you today” can make that person feel welcomed and valued.

2. Ask Meaningful Questions

How often do you meet with a co-worker and automatically ask that tired, old question, “How are you?” Instead, try asking something a bit more specific—something that indicates you care about the person across from you and you pay attention to them. You might ask something like the following:

“How was your weekend? Were you able to take out your sailboat?”

“How is your house project going? Are you still able to use your kitchen while it’s under construction?

Or, you might ask “How are you?” and follow it up with something like: “I heard you were sick last week; hopefully you’re feeling better?”

3. Welcome all voices

If only one or two people ever speak up during most meetings, that quickly sends the message that the rest of the team is not valued. Make your meetings more welcoming by inviting others to share their thoughts, ideas, and opinions. This might mean intentionally reaching out to certain people and saying something like, “This seems like it would affect your department, Violet. What do you think about implementing this change?” In short, pay attention and make sure everyone’s voice is represented.

4. Cut the gossip

Unless you’re committed to positive gossip (which I discuss in a past post), it’s a good idea to keep office gossip to a minimum. Few things can erode trust and create a toxic environment quicker than talking about others behind their backs. Just don’t do it. And if others attempt to gossip to you, shut it down quickly with a comment such as, “I have no opinion on the matter. Could we get back to talking about X?”

5. Listen

No one likes to feel like they are talking to a brick wall. Convey to others that they are welcomed and worthy by genuinely listening to what they have to say. Absorb what they’re telling you without judgement, ask good questions, and follow up or take action if necessary. Active listening is a sign of respect and it helps foster a more friendly office environment.

Start making kindness a central part of your daily work, and start becoming the change you’d like to see take place. Just a few small actions could make an enormous difference in making others feel more welcomed, amplifying positivity, and facilitating a hospitable work environment.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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It’s easy to say yes. We naturally aim to please our co-workers and supervisors; we want to look good in the eyes of the company and get that raise or earn that promotion. But saying yes can be dangerous. If you say yes to everything—every assignment, every request, every invitation—you’ll end up stretching yourself too thin and you’ll possibly end up taking on work that isn’t in your sweet spot or doing things that go against your code of ethics.

Though I’m a proponent of trying new things and being agreeable, there are times when it is in your best interest to give a firm N-O. Here are three scenarios where saying “No” is the best course of action (accompanied by three strategies to pull it off):

1. You have too much on your plate.

If you feel your workload growing out of control and can tell the quality of your work is sharply declining, it’s time to say no. How to do it? The next time your project leader tries to assign you something new, do not immediately say yes. Arrange to meet one-on-one (it is much easier to reason with someone one-on-one than in a group) and lay out your reasons for not wanting to take on the project.

Be prepared. Make a spreadsheet that clearly displays the projects you are currently tackling and how much time you spend each day on each project. Also, come into the meeting with a counter-proposal in mind. If you know of someone else who might have the capacity (and desire) to take on the project, suggest that person to your project leader (be sure to get that individual’s approval ahead of time).

Alternatively, you could suggest a future date that would work for you to start the project (i.e. “I’m busy from now until the end of the May, but I could start working on this project in June.”)

2. You are being given work that is not in your “sweet spot.”

This is a tough one, but ultimately, if you are constantly handed work that does not align with your areas of expertise, you are doing both your company and yourself a disservice. Your company won’t receive the best possible work and you’ll be straying from your career goals.

So, how to say no? Again, a one-on-one meeting with your supervisor is helpful in this situation. Explain to her what your ultimate goals are and what kind of projects you prefer. One of the best things you can do in this situation is approach it with confidence and decisiveness. Know where you’d like to be heading and explain, confidently, how you’d like to get there.

Ultimately, if your company is not supportive of your career goals (or if you find that the type of work you do consistently does not align with your sweet spot), it is time to start searching for something new, either inside or outside your current company.

3. Saying yes compromises your values.

There are times when it just does not feel good to say yes. Perhaps you agree to attend a late-night strategy session, knowing that your daughter has a piano recital that night. Or perhaps a co-worker dumps several assignments on your lap that are really her responsibility, not yours. Or maybe you’ve had to sacrifice your health or nightly down-time because of all the projects you’ve agreed to do. Whatever the case, sometimes saying yes is simply not the right decision.

How to say no? First of all, know your priorities. Does your family come first? Your health? Your mental wellbeing? When one of the things that’s important in your life becomes compromised, it’s time to say no. Keep an open line of communication with your boss and let him know when you feel like work is tipping the scales of your work-life balance.

And another thing: think before you say yes. Always take a moment to pause, assess the situation, and make a deliberate decision. If that means waiting a day or two to mull over the pros and cons, so be it. Ultimately, you need to feel good about agreeing to do something before you say “yes.”

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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Few people “make it” in any profession or position without a little help. We stand on the shoulders of those who came before us and receive support from the people around us–bosses, co-workers, and outside mentors. In my career, I have benefitted from several different “teachers,” who have lifted me up as I aimed to improve myself and my work. I didn’t take that for granted, and I’ve tried to also raise up others through mentoring.

Every job comes with its own set of challenges. If you’re lucky, you’ll start your position with a few contacts and some basic skills, but if can be difficult to distinguish yourself from a large pool of talent. Young professionals, in particular, do not have the benefit of having experienced an industry for a decade or two like their superiors. Mentoring others provides a unique opportunity to fill in the gaps for these workers and offers many rewarding benefits:  

1 . Better Outcomes and Relationships

Mentoring, like tutoring, is an interpersonal skill. When people feel their voice is heard and being encouraged to grow, they are much more likely to remain engaged with their work and voice concerns more confidently. Any time you can foster better feedback from your team, the stronger the team becomes.

2. Reputation

Building a reputation as a mentor in your industry can become a distinguishing part of your career. Often, companies seek to draw upper-talent from pools of candidates that are known in professional circles to be helpful leaders and actively collaborative. Mentoring your employees demonstrates both of these skills easily and clearly, particularly for mentors who’ve done so throughout their career. As the adage goes: “You get back what you put in.”

3. Professional Development

Just because someone can benefit from the guidance of a mentor doesn’t mean they’re without skills to bring to the table. New workers, especially young people, often come with the proficiencies or strategies needed to approach new technology or use new software. You can take advantage of the personal relationship you strike with your mentee to have them teach you how to effectively use these tools. You both walk away more competent.

4. Networking

Life is long and careers often take unexpected twists and turns. The analyst that started at your company five years ago may quickly rise in the ranks of the industry to a sector you’re interested in doing business with or simply learning more about. The more people you can foster a mentoring relationship with, the wider you cast your net across the next generation of leaders. These relationships may end up among the most important in your working life.

5. Personal Fulfillment

Any teacher can attest to this last benefit. Mentoring is an opportunity to open yourself to others whose perspective may be entirely different from your own. Learning from one another about subjects that extend beyond the scope of your job will enrich you personally and professionally.

Mentoring others is essential to bridging the gap between generations of workers. Stepping up to help guide colleagues through this process will not only reward your mentee and yourself, but your industry as a whole. So take a leap and share what you know!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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