UXL Blog

If you’re reading this today, know that you are more than you realize. You are smarter, you shine brighter, and you touch more people’s lives than you know.

Far too often, we do not recognize our own self-worth. Many of us are our own worst critics. Even if we accomplish something great, we tend to pick apart our performance, looking at the blemishes instead of the bright spots. But what does this achieve? Sure, it’s helpful to learn from mistakes, but it is absolutely NOT helpful to put ourselves down, be overly critical, or tell ourselves we’re not good enough or capable enough.

An article by Psychology Today discusses our tendency to be tough on ourselves, saying, “Often we self-criticize on autopilot and need to wake up and realize the damage we are doing.” Absolutely.

Start paying attention to that little voice that tends to run through your head. Is it usually negative or self-deprecating? Do you often tell yourself that you can’t do something, or that you’re not accomplished enough to do something? Do you have difficulties accepting compliments or recognizing a job well done? I call this little negative voice your “gremlins,” those self-saboteurs that make you doubt yourself and your abilities.

How do you banish these gremlins? How can you become kinder and more forgiving to yourself?

This involves a fundamental change in perspective, and THAT does not happen overnight. If you’ve been putting yourself down for a long time, it’s going to take a while to lift yourself up. And you’ll probably have good days and bad days along the way–days when you feel confident and brilliant, and other days when your impostor syndrome is strong and you doubt yourself at every turn.

But this shift in perspective is not impossible. Try starting with any of these suggestions:

• Remind yourself that no one is perfect (and holding that impossible standard is not healthy or realistic).
• Recognize your achievements (Think about something you’ve accomplished recently and give yourself a pat on the back.)
• Accept compliments (Simply say, “Thank you” instead of shrugging off the compliment.)
• Treat yourself how you strive to treat others (Would you constantly criticize a friend? Would you repeatedly put down your co-workers? Probably not! So, don’t do this to yourself.)
• Learn to let go (Everyone makes mistakes and it doesn’t help to fixate on them. To move on, try journaling about the situation, go on a long walk, talk about it with a trusted listener, throw yourself into a healthy distraction, such as painting, exercise, cooking, or whatever engages and energizes you.)
• Stop comparing yourself with others. (People often put their best face forward, especially when it comes to social media. Stop comparing yourself to impossible standards and place your focus on self-growth and affirmation.)

Most of us would benefit from being a little kinder to ourselves. This isn’t an act of hubris, but an act of genuine care and compassion. Yes, we need to learn from our mistakes, but we do not need to beat ourselves up in the process. Be more forgiving and patient with yourself, and make a conscious effort to banish those gremlins. Your life will be better for it.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

Tags: be kind to self, be kinder to yourself, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith Twin Cities, overcoming self-criticism, stop criticizing self