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Creating Successful Leaders

Category Archives: Communication

It’s easy to say yes. We naturally aim to please our co-workers and supervisors; we want to look good in the eyes of the company and get that raise or earn that promotion. But saying yes can be dangerous. If you say yes to everything—every assignment, every request, every invitation—you’ll end up stretching yourself too thin and you’ll possibly end up taking on work that isn’t in your sweet spot or doing things that go against your code of ethics.

Though I’m a proponent of trying new things and being agreeable, there are times when it is in your best interest to give a firm N-O. Here are three scenarios where saying “No” is the best course of action (accompanied by three strategies to pull it off):

1. You have too much on your plate.

If you feel your workload growing out of control and can tell the quality of your work is sharply declining, it’s time to say no. How to do it? The next time your project leader tries to assign you something new, do not immediately say yes. Arrange to meet one-on-one (it is much easier to reason with someone one-on-one than in a group) and lay out your reasons for not wanting to take on the project.

Be prepared. Make a spreadsheet that clearly displays the projects you are currently tackling and how much time you spend each day on each project. Also, come into the meeting with a counter-proposal in mind. If you know of someone else who might have the capacity (and desire) to take on the project, suggest that person to your project leader (be sure to get that individual’s approval ahead of time).

Alternatively, you could suggest a future date that would work for you to start the project (i.e. “I’m busy from now until the end of the May, but I could start working on this project in June.”)

2. You are being given work that is not in your “sweet spot.”

This is a tough one, but ultimately, if you are constantly handed work that does not align with your areas of expertise, you are doing both your company and yourself a disservice. Your company won’t receive the best possible work and you’ll be straying from your career goals.

So, how to say no? Again, a one-on-one meeting with your supervisor is helpful in this situation. Explain to her what your ultimate goals are and what kind of projects you prefer. One of the best things you can do in this situation is approach it with confidence and decisiveness. Know where you’d like to be heading and explain, confidently, how you’d like to get there.

Ultimately, if your company is not supportive of your career goals (or if you find that the type of work you do consistently does not align with your sweet spot), it is time to start searching for something new, either inside or outside your current company.

3. Saying yes compromises your values.

There are times when it just does not feel good to say yes. Perhaps you agree to attend a late-night strategy session, knowing that your daughter has a piano recital that night. Or perhaps a co-worker dumps several assignments on your lap that are really her responsibility, not yours. Or maybe you’ve had to sacrifice your health or nightly down-time because of all the projects you’ve agreed to do. Whatever the case, sometimes saying yes is simply not the right decision.

How to say no? First of all, know your priorities. Does your family come first? Your health? Your mental wellbeing? When one of the things that’s important in your life becomes compromised, it’s time to say no. Keep an open line of communication with your boss and let him know when you feel like work is tipping the scales of your work-life balance.

And another thing: think before you say yes. Always take a moment to pause, assess the situation, and make a deliberate decision. If that means waiting a day or two to mull over the pros and cons, so be it. Ultimately, you need to feel good about agreeing to do something before you say “yes.”

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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Our modern world can be highly competitive. Dozens (or even hundreds) of people might apply for the same job. Influencers release content that tries to be more engaging/outrageous than their competitors to garner more clicks and views. Salespeople attempt to outpace the competition. But despite all this tension and striving, I believe there is a place for decency and for lifting up each other. Why should we argue over crumbs when we can all collectively raise the bar and be better? Uplifting others does not mean you will, in turn, suffer. In fact, I have found the opposite to be the case.

It is said a rising tide lifts all boats, and I have witnessed this type of “group rising” in the workplace. When people choose to collaborate, share information, be kind and inviting, and take the time to understand each other, everyone does better. If we “lift as we climb,” that won’t impede our own progress. Instead, it will just help everyone improve.

We can think about this from an economic standpoint. When the economy suffers, everyone—from restaurant servers, to auto mechanics, to real estate agents—takes a hit. But the opposite is true as well. When the economy is booming, we are all typically reaping the benefits. If you’re doing well, you may choose to splurge on something special, such as a piece of handmade pottery. As a result, the potter might buy themselves a nice lunch and tip their server generously, who can then afford to fix her car…and on and on.

Looking at this from a workplace perspective, it’s true that we can’t all be the CEO or head supervisor, but we do all have the power to uplift others in some way. Maybe you have a unique skillset that you’re willing to share. Or maybe you’re good at organizing social events, which can strengthen office relationships and lighten the atmosphere. Or perhaps you recognize when a co-worker is struggling with something and tactfully offer your assistance. Whatever the case, when you give a little of yourself, you are by no means throwing it away. Rather, this is like using one candle to light another—the original candle stays lit, but it passes on the flame.

Another example: Let’s say you notice that someone else has recently been putting in extra effort and their effort is paying off in spades. You could easily let their work go unrecognized, but why not reach out to their supervisor and let them know you’ve noticed the incredible job they are doing. It could be a casual message or email, something like, “Hi Jordan, I just wanted to check in and say, ‘Wow!’ Sara is doing an incredible job on the ABC account. I’ve noticed her putting in extra hours and it really shows.”

Keep the message simple, but bring up at least one specific thing your co-worker did to earn your praise (so the supervisor understands where their team member is shining). No need to gush too much; just make it quick and sincere. Chances are, the supervisor will remember both Sara’s actions and your praise. And it’s certainly not a bad thing to earn a reputation as a cheerleader and team player.

I sincerely hope that hyper-competitive workplaces can learn to mellow somewhat. We get so much further when we work together, care about each other, and make an effort to uplift others. In my experience, these actions have a way of boomeranging back in the best possible way.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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It’s a different world from 2013, when I published my book, The Ten-Minute Leadership Challenge. The workplace has changed substantially in some ways, but in other ways it has remained relatively unchanged. Amazingly, the core messages of many of my chapters have remained the same (having clarity, no excuses, being present). This signals to me that they will remain relevant, even if our world—and the work landscape—shifts dramatically again. One of those key concepts is building community.

Community is essential, both within and outside of the workplace. It’s about supporting others, cheering them on, and making sure their needs are met on multiple levels (from the base of Maslow’s pyramid to the top). An article by Psychology Today says that community is “especially important for people who’ve experienced trauma or loss, or who are feeling isolated, marginalized, bullied, or alone.” That’s true, but it’s also worth noting that community is important for all people, no matter what they are going through. Research supports the fact that community helps us to be physically healthier, mentally sharper, more productive, and more confident. The World Health Organization (WHO) found that, “Social connection can protect health across the lifespan. It can reduce inflammation, lower the risk of serious health problems, foster mental health, and prevent early death. It can also strengthen the social fabric, contributing to making communities healthier, safer and more prosperous.”

Because of the absolutely vital nature of community, it is important to actively foster it. In your personal life, you might make an effort to get to know your neighbors, join a community club, or participate in an online community group or chat. In the workplace, you could take the time to reach out, ask thoughtful questions, and get to know your team members on a deeper level. This should all come from a place of genuine caring—a desire to lift others up and be part of a positive ecosystem.

I fully acknowledge that reaching out and intentionally attempting to build community can be uncomfortable or boundary-pushing. If you’re accustomed to breezing through your day without much focus on those around you, this people-centric approach can feel unnatural at first. I suggest starting small and continuing to build at a sustainable pace. Check in with others, pledge to get to know one person a little better this week, or make a list of community-oriented groups to potentially join. You could even start smaller by simply greeting the cashier in the checkout line or waving hello to a neighbor.

Even tiny actions can help make your community a more welcoming, warm place. What one thing (or two!) can you do today to build a stronger community, either in your professional or personal life?

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.

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