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Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

Compromises that work

Ever witnessed a child being told they must share their toys with another child? Their reaction to this news wasn’t too pretty, was it?

Although we’ve grown to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around us and we don’t always get our way, that small child’s voice is still inside us, protesting whenever things don’t go how we want them to.

But the truth is, in order to lead in any real sense of the word, you must learn the art of making compromises. But how do you effectively make a compromise? How do you ensure that both parties feel satisfied with the outcome?

  1. Express yourself fully, and listen intently. Explain your reasoning behind your viewpoint. Often our views are skewed by our emotions, which makes it harder to make effective decisions. Articulating your view to another person forces you to take a good long look at your position, and in many cases this allows you to see where your view may not be perfect. On the same token, listen to what the other person is actually saying, not what you think they’re saying. Hear them out before you rush to judgment. Open communication is crucial to getting things done.
  2. Think from the other person’s perspective. If it continues to be difficult for you to accept the other person’s position, do your best to put yourself in their shoes. What’s the reasoning behind their thoughts, ideas, and opinions? Even if you disagree, can you see why they hold these views?
  3. Be committed to results. Compromising pushes two opposing viewpoints past a gridlock into a region where they can move from ideas into actions. In this way, compromise is one of the most powerful tools we have to getting results. A compromise is a mature way of acknowledging that we can never fully get what we want all the time, but we can get more of what we want if we work together to achieve it.
  4. Be prepared to be disappointed, but give it time. At first, you might only see what you didn’t get out of a compromise. This is understandable, but don’t give up on it just yet. In the long term, compromising pays off for both parties, as you’ve established an alliance and proven to one another that you are capable of working together and taking steps forward.

Have a great week!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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The wrong way to say thank you

You’re probably aware of the power of appreciation. It can motivate others, elevate moods, and actually improve employee retention rates. Employees who are recognized for their achievements report increased happiness at work and greater satisfaction with their superiors.

But—believe it or not—there IS a wrong way to express appreciation for your employees. How?

  • If the recognition seems forced or insincere
  • If the recognition is ubiquitous (EVERYONE gets a gold star!)
  • If someone is left out (part of a team is recognized for their achievements, while some are not)
  • If the recognition is generic or impersonal (a mass email)
  • If the recognition does not suit the individual (some people do not like being called out in front of a group, while others thrive on that type of recognition)

The last thing you want to do is come across as phony, insincere, or misinformed when you’re showing appreciation. How, then, do you, as a leader, demonstrate your true appreciation?

  • Be observant and aware (know who is performing above the norm and deserves recognition)
  • Regularly check in with your team and get to know them (this will help you understand when someone is personally excelling and how best to recognize that individual)
  • Pay attention to the little things
  • Focus on both work-related and non-work-related activities (if someone helps out a coworker who just had surgery, that deserves recognition too!)
  • When you say thank you or write out a thank you card, mean it. Your sincerity will shine through.
  • Be specific. Don’t just say “thanks for a job well done.” Point out specific achievements or contributions.

Employee recognition is important, and it’s crucial to go about it in an authentic, personalized way. Build trust with your team by being sincere, specific, and candid when you give praise. Believe me, people will notice and appreciate your authenticity and effort.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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Office Gossip 2

It’s ugly and hurtful, but it happens in almost every workplace. Gossip. It’s those little hurricanes that start as whispers. Someone spreads a rumor about another person and then it grow and grows, damaging reputations or pitting people against each other.

Even if gossip stays small, it’s still harmful. Feelings may get hurt or reputations ruined…and whoever is spreading the gossip becomes a little more untrustworthy in others’ eyes.

It’s better to stay out or, better yet, actively fight gossip. How?

  1. Defend the gossip subject.

Next time someone tells you Kathy is stealing office supplies or Mike is on the verge of getting fired, respond with a shrug and say, “Hmm, that doesn’t sound like her/him. I’d rather not speculate.”

  1. Change the subject

It’s not a cop-out to change the subject when others are gossiping. It can actually be quite difficult and takes a lot of guts. Effectively change the subject by saying something like, “I’d rather not talk about [NAME]. Can you tell me if we’re meeting in room A or B for our meeting today? I have to set up some audio equipment…”

  1. Focus on others’ good qualities

When you talk about other people, make sure it’s always in a positive light. Don’t assign blame, chastise, or spread rumors. Instead, make an effort to look for the positive in each person and point it out to others. “Did you see Mark’s client report? It’s so detailed this time around! He must have put a lot of effort into it.”

  1. Be an example

Demonstrate to others that you are trustworthy AND a leader by not stooping to the level of petty office gossip.

  1. Confront gossip about YOU

There’s no better way to stop gossip in its tracks than to confront it…especially if it’s about you. When you’re approaching someone whom you know has spread a rumor about you, try your best to be level-headed and even-toned. Talk to the offender as if you were clearing up a simple fact. “Hey Lindsey. I heard you were saying X about me. It makes me disappointed and a little angry that you think that.” OR “Hey Graham, I wanted to clear up a misunderstanding. I did not do XYZ. Instead, I did ABC. I hope that clears things up.”

No matter how you slice it, it isn’t easy to fight office gossip. Be a shining example, talk about others in a positive light, and avoid spreading rumors, and you’ll find that other positive people will gravitate toward you. Your unwillingness to wade into office gossip proves that you are worthy of others’ trust and respect.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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Less Time at Work 2

There’s a persistent myth that in order to get anywhere in your life or career, you have to put in long hours. As Americans, we’re working harder than ever—putting in a full month’s more of work per year than we did in the 1970s. We’re also the most over-worked nation in the developed world. According to the ILO, “Americans work 137 more hours per year than Japanese workers, 260 more hours per year than British workers, and 499 more hours per year than French workers.”

And here’s the thing: it’s making the other parts of our lives suffer. We don’t have time to take care of ourselves (which is evident with skyrocketing obesity and stress); we take fewer vacation days; we don’t have as much time to spend with our family or friends. Not to mention, it’s nearly impossible to squeeze in volunteer or community time when we’re consistently working more than forty hours per week.

“But wait!” you might be saying. “Don’t I have to put in the hours to prove myself to the company? Won’t I look bad since everyone else is working sixty hours per week?”

My answer to that is this:

It’s much better to work SMARTER than it is to work HARDER.

For instance, if you’re energized from getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly, your performance will increase and you’ll get things done in a shorter amount of time. Looking at it from another angle, when you’re able to step back from your work, this allows you perspective. Instead of being “in the weeds” you can reflect on your work from a distance, which can help you to strategize better and approach your projects with a clearer view of what you want to achieve and how you want to get there.

Not to mention, you’ll feel better and happier when you’re paying attention to other areas of your life besides work. A professor at the Wharton School of Business found that when people in his study spent more time on family, community, and self, “their career satisfaction increased by 21% and their work performance (self-assessed) improved by 8%. Happiness with family life grew even more.”

It’s time we stop “out-working” each other. Such a mentality is, frankly, a race to the bottom. Instead, be a leader in effective time management and work/life balance:

  • Take breaks when you need to
  • Spend time with your family
  • Practice self-care
  • Focus on ONE project at a time, be fully present (and complete tasks more effectively!)
  • Step back and recalibrate your goals
  • Take that vacation
  • Make service to others and your community a priority

A culture shift away from our “worker bee” mentality is absolutely necessary and it starts with YOU.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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Love what you do

 

Do you love what you do? Are you excited to wake up and get to work? Does your work add to your life and wellbeing…or does it detract from it?

If you’re currently in a place where you don’t love what you do, it may be time to sit down, get real with yourself, and re-position your compass. Think about it. If you’re like the average American, you’ll spend 1/3 of your life at work. That’s a HUGE percentage! Shouldn’t you at least like what you’re doing.

I think so.

As a career coach, I’ve met many people who are ill-fitted to their current role, but have no clue how to change things. They slog along because they need the money and are unsure of how to make a drastic change. What many of these individuals need is a deep look inside themselves.

We are a nation of go-go-go and rarely stop and take the time to get reacquainted with ourselves. After all, we’re constantly changing. You are not the same person you were as a teenager (thank goodness!) or a young adult. Change is natural, but we don’t always embrace it. Instead, we may power through it and do things because “that’s the way they’ve always been done.”

I challenge you to think differently.

Believe that you can fall in love with your work…you just have to find the right work. Investing in yourself and going through a program such as Insights Deeper Discovery can help set you down a better path. But you have to open yourself to new possibilities, earnestly and candidly reflect, and then act upon your discoveries. All three factors are necessary if you truly want to create lasting change in your life.

Beyond utilizing a science-based assessment such as Insights, it’s a good idea to also do the following:

  • Research what’s out there
  • Join a networking group and be curious (ask anyone and everyone about what they do—you might be surprised by what appeals)
  • Invest in your future: work with a career coach, attend relevant workshops, or learn a new skill set
  • Be open with your family—your decision affects them too and it’s a good idea to have them in your corner
  • Figure out whether you like parts of your current role or need to make a big, sweeping change (turn to a coach or a science-based assessment to determine)
  • Create an action plan—figure out the steps you need to take to implement your changes.

So, what are you waiting for? Isn’t it about time you invested in yourself and your future? Isn’t it about time you stepped forward into a job you love?

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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This is your year! It’s time to earn that promotion, get your raise, or capture that leadership role you’ve always wanted. If you want to make big strides this year, you’ll want to make sure you shine in all the right ways. Remember, you never know when the right person will take notice of your abilities so it’s a good idea to always practice consistency—consistency in your attitude, work ethic, standards, and perspectives.

Of course, you’ll want to get the basics right first. Complete your projects before the deadline, show up on time, strive to make positive connections. But, beyond that…how do you stand out while being yourself and not seeming desperate?

Try these four tips:

Speak up

Your opinions and ideas are worthy. When you speak up during team meetings or during one-on-ones, you start to be on others’ radars. This is a great first step to earn your next big thing.

Dress impeccably

They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but guess what…everyone does. Dress well every day, as if your boss’ boss is going to step into the room and vet you for a promotion.

Don’t stoop to gossip

Keep your standards high and don’t talk badly about others. Gossip has a way of circling around, and it’s just not worth it. Demonstrate that you are trustworthy and above petty office rumors.

Take smart risks

Doing everything like everyone else will never get you ahead in the workplace. Set yourself apart by taking smart risks. Bring your ideas forward, speak up, take on big responsibilities, be a leader. Of course, you’ll want to make sure you’re making strides before you make waves.

How will you make an effort to stand out this year? Let me know in the comments or send me a message outlining your plan. This is YOUR year. Go get it.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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This is Part Three of my four-part courage series. Last week’s discussion was on EVERYDAY COURAGE. 

Courage to Recover from Setbacks

It will happen. Things won’t go quite the way you planned. You’ll face unexpected delays, difficult coworkers or bosses, health issues, uncooperative customers, or any number of other setbacks that could derail your forward momentum and your confidence. What do you do when the train careens off the tracks?

Develop a plan to get back on.

If you’re able to anticipate a possible setback (i.e. Customer ABC has been hinting that they’re thinking about going with a different company), plan ahead. Come up with some “worst case scenario options” and write them down.

If the setback sneaks up on you (as in most cases), practice being adaptable and resilient. One of the ways to do that is by having a Growth Mindset. When you have a growth mindset, you don’t think of obstacles as hopeless problems, but as opportunities to improve and develop a new solution. You are aware that every challenge you face only makes you stronger and more nimble.

What are some practical ways to recover from setbacks?

  • Picture your future success (visualization is powerful!)
  • Practice a growth mindset
  • Hold a brainstorming or mind mapping session (by yourself or with your team) to come up with innovative new solutions
  • Be kind to yourself (being hard on yourself will only lead to more stress and burnout)

OKAY, your turn. Jot down a few answers to these workbook questions:

1. When you face a challenge, which resources could you tap into to help? Which people?

 

2. What are some ways you can rebuild your confidence and enthusiasm to overcome obstacles?

 

3. How will you be kind to yourself if you face a failure or setback? List five ways you could treat yourself well during a challenging period.

 

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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