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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

April 12, 2023 How to Capitalize on High Energy Moments

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Everyone has a pulse…and I’m not talking about the beating of your heart. Your “second pulse” is the rhythm you experience throughout the day—your ebbs and flows of energy. Some people get a burst of energy in the morning; others experience this in the afternoon or evening. And then there are times when you feel depleted and distracted—stretches of time during the day when you’re not performing at your peak.

In his book When, researcher Daniel Pink calls these daily lulls your “troughs,” but you can also think of them as your valleys or low points. Since it’s difficult to do your best work during a trough, it can be beneficial to focus on relatively simple busy work during these periods. Save the high-engagement, creative, high-stakes work for the times when your energy is high and you’re feeling motivated.

Here are 4 ways to do that:

Pay Attention

For most people, a daily trough occurs in the afternoon. Our concentration begins to slip, we grow tired, and it’s difficult to think on our feet or be terribly creative. But everyone’s different! That’s why it’s important to pay attention and begin to understand when you’re energized, and when you’re simply not.

You may also notice that your energy tends to increase or decrease during certain days of the week (e.g., low-energy Mondays vs. productive Thursdays) or during certain events (e.g., at the beginning of a new project). If you’re feeling energized, take note! And if you’re not, pay attention to that, too.

Block Off High Energy Times

If possible, block off high energy times on your calendar so no one can bother you during your peak moments. This may require setting a few healthy boundaries and saying “no” to some things (that 8 a.m. meeting), but your efforts should quickly pay off. Additionally, if you get into a pattern of consistently blocking off a certain time period for deep, intense work, your brain will start to anticipate and recognize that this is a time for high productivity.

Batch Tasks

If you’re feeling energetic and creative, take advantage of the moment by batching several tasks that can be done in one sitting. Approaching several tasks at once gives you the opportunity to take advantage of the momentum of your high energy moments and finish more in less time. Plus, you don’t have to waste time switching gears and starting up again if you’re feeling tired or disinterested.

Break It Up

If you find that the task in front of you is too daunting or complicated, don’t be afraid to break it into smaller, manageable pieces. Doing so will enable you to take advantage of moments when your energy is high, without feeling overwhelmed. It’s also a great way to ensure that you’re still making forward progress on large tasks even when your energy is low.

It’s important to pay attention to your daily energy flows and use them to your advantage. If you’re feeling energized, embrace it and tackle tough projects. If you’re feeling drained, that’s OK too – use that time to check off items from your to-do list or catch up on emails. By acknowledging the natural rhythms of energy that come with the passing of time, you can make the most of your high energy moments and effectively manage the ones that are lower.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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April 5, 2023 Do You Overuse “I’m Sorry”?

As young children, most of us were taught good manners. Say please and thank you. Ask for permission. If you mess up or hurt someone, say, “I’m sorry.” While these lessons can be very helpful, sometimes they carry over into adulthood a little too strongly. Specifically, many of us end up apologizing for things that do not require an apology.

What do I mean?

Let’s say you’re in a meeting and someone presents incorrect data. You’re very familiar with the data that should have been presented, so you decide to speak up. Your inclination might be to say something like, “Sorry, but I have to weigh in here…” or “Sorry, but those numbers aren’t quite right…”

Who are you apologizing to? And why?

In truth, there’s no need to be sorry. You’re helping out the team by providing the correct data. The word “Sorry” makes it sound like you did something wrong or hurtful, when that isn’t the case. Instead, you might rephrase your statement to, “I’d like to provide some additional information…” or “If I may, I’d like to offer a different perspective…”

You also don’t need to apologize for technical difficulties, asking someone for clarification, or missing work due to an illness (or a child’s illness). Instead of saying, “Sorry, my microphone wasn’t working,” say, “Thank you for your patience while I dealt with tech issues.” Instead of saying, “Sorry I can’t come in today,” say, “I appreciate your flexibility.”

Why Do We Over Apologize?

There are a few different reasons why we might find ourselves overusing the word “Sorry.” We might be apologizing out of politeness or because we don’t want to impose on other people. We may not be sure of ourselves and feel like we need to back our statements up with an apology.

In some cases, apologizing too much can actually weaken our arguments. It gives off the perception that we are unsure of our statements, even if that’s not the case. It also takes away from our confidence and makes us come off as less assertive.

Women are especially guilty of “over apologizing.” A study by the University of Waterloo in Canada shows that women apologize much more frequently than men. The reason, they say, is because men “have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior.” Women, take note! Speaking up during a meeting probably isn’t offensive. Having a different opinion, or showing up a few minutes late, or sneezing during a meeting isn’t offensive.

Taking Back Your Power

If you feel that you overuse “I’m sorry” in situations that don’t require an apology, take a step back and analyze your speech patterns. Pay attention to how often you use the word and if you’re using it when it’s unnecessary.

From there, try to change your language. Instead of apologizing, opt for phrases like “Thanks for understanding” or “I appreciate it.” You’ll sound more confident and in control of the discussion. Plus, it won’t take away your power or make it look like you’re trying to diminish your authority.

It is important to understand when an apology is necessary, and when it is not. Being aware of our language and speech patterns can help us realize if we are overusing the phrase “I’m sorry.” Changing our language to sound more confident and in control can be a powerful tool for assertiveness, and re-phrasing our statements with phrases can help us take back the power in those situations. Practicing these techniques can help make sure we know when an apology is truly necessary.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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March 8, 2023 The Courage to Change Your Mind

A version of this post was first published on July 29, 2020.

“Sometimes a hypocrite is nothing more than a man in the process of changing.”

Brandon Sanderson, Author of Oathbringer

It takes courage to admit when you’re wrong, and it takes even more courage to shift your perspective and open yourself to change. The older we get, the easier it is to do things the same way day in, day out. We become entrenched in our beliefs, and it becomes more and more difficult to shift our way of thinking.

In psychology, this “set in your ways” attitude is called mental rigidity.

While it’s normal and healthy to have a routine, mental rigidity goes a step further. It limits how you see the world, makes you less adaptable, and causes you to be closed off to new ideas or perspectives. As one article puts it, “Mental rigidity cuts off the wings you need for imagination, improvement, and exploring new places.”

Mental rigidity can also make it difficult to have empathy–to walk a mile in another’s shoes. We become accustomed to one reality, one way of life, and that becomes the ONLY way. However, different people hail from different backgrounds and have different experiences and beliefs. We can’t necessarily KNOW what another person is thinking or feeling, but we can attempt to UNDERSTAND.

When you introduce yourself to different perspectives, beliefs, and vantage points, you do something a little scary: You open yourself to the possibility that your deeply entrenched attitudes and ways to thinking might change.

Change is never easy, especially when others expect you to remain the same. When you begin to shift your perspective or beliefs, you might face criticism from those who think you’re a “hypocrite” or “wishy-washy.”

I challenge you to stick to your guns and make an honest effort to change, if you believe that change is necessary. Recognize that you are doing yourself a service in the long run, and others’ snide remarks can’t stop you from continuing to learn and grow.

On the same token, be gracious to those who change their minds. No one has all the answers, and it’s okay to learn and evolve. In fact, it is healthy.

So, be fearless. Challenge your assumptions and be bold enough to get uncomfortable. It is only when we dare to step outside our comfort zones that we can truly expand our horizons and potentially change our points of view.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

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