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Category Archives: Changing Your Life

everyday legacy

When you think of the term “Legacy,” you probably think of the grand achievements that people are remembered for. It’s the scholarship fund that you founded or the football stadium that’s named after you.

Sure, those are Legacies. But they are the big-picture results. They’re the long-term Legacies that you leave behind. I urge you to focus on your living legacy—the everyday things you do that impact others and the world.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t think about your long-term Legacy (or your “capital L” Legacy). It’s great to think about the future and work toward lofty goals. However, this kind of thinking sometimes causes people to lose sight of what’s in front of them. How can you make an impact through a conversation with a co-worker? Or by showing up to your child’s basketball game? Or by visiting a lonely neighbor? Or by donating a couple of hours to a soup kitchen?

Your “little l” legacy is just as powerful (if not more) than your “big L” Legacy. All those small actions and interactions add up. You never know how your words, behaviors, kind gestures, or attitude will affect those around you.

This concept of “little l” legacy versus “big L” Legacy is something we explore in Insights® Deeper Discovery. Deeper Discovery is an interactive workshop that utilizes science-based tools to explore participants’ personal paths as they relate to leadership, teams, communication, improved self-understanding, and much more. As a Deeper Discovery facilitator, I have worked with individuals who were experiencing anxiety or frustration because their big L Legacy wasn’t falling into place. They weren’t where they thought they would be at this point in their lives and they were having trouble figuring out which direction to turn next. In other words, they were feeling utterly lost.

Focusing on your little l legacy can help illuminate a path.

If you start to focus on what matters during your day-to-day, you start making the very best of what is currently around you. And that can open opportunities that you might not have noticed when you were busy being distressed about your lack of progress toward your Legacy.

How will you start to shift your focus to making a daily difference? What legacy will you leave tomorrow? Today? In your next conversation? Start making small positive impacts today and see how your world will change.


If you’d like more information on the Insights® Deeper Discovery program, please feel free to reach out and contact me.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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the right way to get angry

Picture this: You’re late to work because traffic was moving at a snail’s pace, which caused other drivers to get irritable and cut you off on the road. When you finally get to work, you find a Post-it note on a stack of papers on your desk that says “Need this by the end of the day.” You grumble about the huge pile of work and decide to make a cup of coffee. When you take your first sip, the coffee burns the roof of your mouth and you end up spitting it out…all over your white shirt.

Have you ever had a day like that? I know I have! How do you react? How can you turn such a disastrous day around?

A big part of the solution rests with you. How you handle the anger that’s undoubtedly bubbling within you can either make or break your day. But that’s easier than it sounds!

When many of us feel angry, we tend to react in one of two equally unhealthy ways:

  1. Bottle up the anger and hope things will get better.
  2. Let our anger flow forth and land on everyone and everything around us.

Research shows that neither method is ideal. Bottling up your anger can make it worse and can increase stress and anxiety. Venting your anger, on the other hand, can intensify your feelings and damage relationships with those around you.

So, what can you do?

One way to temporarily cool your jets is to practice steadying your breathing and counting or repeating a mantra in your head. Once you’ve gained control, assess the current situation that’s making you angry and LOOK FOR THE GOOD in it. Even terrible situations have silver linings. Take the story at the beginning of this blog post:

  1. Even though traffic was slow, you didn’t get in an accident and your car is running just fine
  2. Even though your boss gave you a pile of work, you are employed and capable. You are a problem-solver and can either figure out how to do the work or talk with your boss and negotiate.
  3. Even though you burned your mouth and spilled coffee on your shirt, it’s great that you have access to coffee and have the means to purchase a shirt. You’re luckier than many people out there.

See? If you dig into your frustrations, you can find bits of goodness embedded in them.

Another tactic you can utilize is practicing empathy. If other people are causing you to get angry, ask yourself why that might be. Put yourself in their shoes and consider if they are being a pain in the neck because they’re going through a rough patch. It could be that something terrible is happening in their lives that you’re not aware of. Before you combat anger with anger, take a moment to find compassion. Ask questions (if you feel comfortable doing so) and aim for understanding.

You can get a handle on anger. As researcher Albert Ellis said, “You don’t get frustrated because of events, you get frustrated because of your beliefs.” Work on your belief system. Believe that the world is not out to get you. Believe there is always something positive embedded in the negative. Your thinking can change your life.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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diplomatic and creative ways to say no

It’s easy to say yes.

“Yes, I can take on that project!”

“Yes, I’ll have that to you by next week!”

“Yes, I’ll add another client to my list!”

While it’s great to be agreeable, there is a limit. When you’re bogged down with commitments and your work-life balance is suffering, it’s time to put on the brakes and start saying no. Do it for your mental and emotional health. Do it in order to be true to yourself (in other words, don’t take on projects that do not align with your skills and interests). Do it to set boundaries and stop others from taking advantage of you.

But do it right.

Below are 10 diplomatic ways to say no. Practice reading them aloud in front of a mirror until they become natural.

“Thank you for the opportunity, but my schedule is packed.”

 “I know you would like my help with __________, but I won’t be able to do so unless/until __________.”

 “I wish I could, but as a rule I don’t __________.”

“Thank you for thinking of me, but I have other commitments.”

“I’m really not the best fit for __________. Have you tried talking with                    ? That sounds right up his/her alley.”

“I appreciate you coming to me with this opportunity. Unfortunately, I have too much on my plate right now to take it on.”

“I would like to say yes, but I don’t have time to do this project justice right now.”

 “I’m sorry, but I’m only taking on work related to _________ right now.”

 “I’d like to help you, but my schedule won’t allow any new projects.”

 “Thanks for asking, but I really can’t.

Use these responses to help you take control of your time and schedule. It takes courage, but you’ll thank yourself later if you decide to decline a project that doesn’t align with your values and priorities.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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water ripples-It All Matters

It’s easy to think that our words and actions do not matter. That they get swallowed up by the world and don’t have any effect. Even though you may feel like a small fish at times, your words and actions DO matter. They can have a profound effect on others–your co-workers, children, friends, or the stranger to whom you lend a helping hand.

From a career perspective, there have been times when I’ve done a little extra or gone out of my way to compliment or thank a team member and have had those actions return to me tenfold! How might your actions help earn your next promotion? Or a loyal team member? Or simply respect? Keep that in mind as you read this lovely poem by Laura McBride:

We Are Called To Rise

by Laura McBride

It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the wind-blown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, listens to the repeated tale, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing.

It all matters.

Care to talk? Reach out to me today and let’s have a conversation. YOU matter.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
 

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best-work-year-yet

It’s the New Year (how did that happen?)! It’s time for a fresh start and a clean slate mentality. It’s time for your best work year yet. If you believe you can do it, you’re already part of the way there!

How will you shine this year in your career-related endeavors? Start with gratitude and go from there…

Why gratitude? When you focus on being grateful, you focus on what’s going right–the things you do NOT need to change. In terms of your career, what’s going well? Do you like your boss or coworkers? Are you hitting it out of the park with creative solutions? Has your number of clients increased over the last year?

If you’re having trouble coming up with a list of positive aspects of your job, that may be a sign that you’re ready for a significant change. If that’s the case, you may need to completely re-strategize and enlist the help of a career coach.

If, however, you can identify several positive areas of your current job, that’s great! It’s easier to refocus and re-energize your current position than it is to seek something entirely new.

Once you’ve considered the good elements of your current job, think about the areas of opportunity. Write a list of all the things you’d like to achieve, no matter how impossible they seem at the moment. Maybe you want to increase your sales revenue this year. Or find more leadership opportunities. Or earn a promotion. This is your chance to jot down all your hopes and dreams for yourself.

After you make your list, circle your highest priority item. Then, mark your second-highest priority item, your third, your fourth, etc. It’s best to focus on only one item at a time and do it RIGHT. Think about what you need to do to achieve that goal. What steps do you need to take? What support will you need?

After considering your main goal, draw up a timeline. Be sure to include mileposts along the way (and remind yourself to celebrate whenever you hit a milepost!).

Then, STICK TO IT.

Easier said than done, I know. This is where your support network comes into play. Talk openly about your goal(s) with your trusted friends, spouse, and coworkers. Ask for their help and guidance. Ask a few of them to check in with you every once in a while to make sure you’re on track. And if someone in your support network comes to you for assistance, be sure to return the favor.

Your stick-to-it attitude is what is ultimately going to make this the best work year ever for you. You have the talent. You have the support. All you need is a clear direction, a plan for the year, and a good support system.

Let’s make 2017 the best work year yet!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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children-1149671_1280

I’ve talked about making a keeping New Year’s resolutions in past blog posts, but I want to talk about the type of resolution you’ll make this year. Sure, it’s perfectly fine to resolve to lose weight or eat better or spend more time with your family. Those are great goals! Set those goals, but then add one more thing to your resolution list: kindness.

We live in a world where kindness is often lacking. We love to dwell on differences–the things that divide us–instead of appreciating differences and attempting to bridge gaps. Instead of making snap judgments and generalizations, I encourage you to pause, truly consider the other person’s point of view, and begin to develop understanding and empathy.

Resolving to be kind does NOT detract from your other goals. It is a supplement and an enhancement. When you resolve to exercise more, for instance, you are being kind to your body. When you resolve to get to appointments on time, you are being kind by your consideration of others’ time. Let your world teem with kindness and you’ll find that it’s easier to achieve your other goals.

During the holiday season, we are reminded to perform acts of kindness–donate to food shelves, volunteer, sing carols at nursing homes–but these nice gestures should not go away with the end of December. By making kindness part of your New Year’s resolution, you can help carry the giving spirit of the holidays throughout the entire year.

The world needs your kindness. Instead of focusing on the things that divide us, let’s look at the things that bring us together: family, health, productivity, the desire to live a good life. Find common ground. Reach out. Be kind.

Happy New Year!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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pool-690034_1280

Whew! All the hustle and bustle of the holidays can keep you go-go-going in a million different directions. Balancing end of the year work projects, family gatherings, and holiday activities can make us burn the candle at both ends. With the multitude of events and projects, it’s easy to get stressed. And that stress can be compounded by a lack of sleep, an abundance of sugary foods, and the weight of holiday expectations. Not to mention, if you live in the northern U.S. like I do, it’s cold! It’s not quite as tempting to hop on a bicycle or go for a walk when the weather is below freezing.

All of this stress can have serious consequences for our well-being.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Stress that’s left unchecked can contribute to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes.” It can lead to muscle tension, digestion issues, and headaches.

Stress can also affect those around us.

When we’re stressed, we tend to lash out at others more. Or, we disengage and have trouble being present. We tend to get wrapped up in our own tension when we’re stressed and therefore do not give others the full attention and consideration they deserve.

How to combat the holiday stress? Here are a few ideas:

  1. Breathe. Take time to step away from stressful situations and focus on your breath. It only take a few seconds and it WORKS.
  2. Exercise. Go for a long walk, hit the gym, or ask a friend to go to yoga class. Movement gets your blood flowing and reduces anxiety.
  3. Treat yourself! Give yourself a gift this holiday season, some special treat that will help you relax. Schedule a massage, a pedicure, or a facial. Or, plan a relaxed night (by yourself or with a friend/significant other) that involves low-stress activities, like a nice dinner and a movie.
  4. Eat well. Good nutrition can increase our energy, improve digestion, and reduce headaches. The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine reminds us to avoid high-fat foods (like pizza and mac ‘n’ cheese) when we’re feeling stressed because “they can make us feel lethargic and less able to deal with stress.”
  5. Practice quiet time. Read a book, knit, bake a pie. Do something that you love and DON’T feel guilty about taking this “you time.”
  6. Invest in yourself. If your stress reaches serious levels, you may want to consider reaching out to a therapist or career counselor to get yourself back on track. Pay attention to how you’re feeling. If this is more than “a little holiday stress,” reach out and seek help immediately.

Your mental and physical health is directly tied to your stress levels. Don’t let the holidays get to you! Take time to respect yourself and your wellbeing. Doing so will help set you up for success in the New Year.

Happy holidays!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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