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Category Archives: Changing Your Life

November 19, 2025 Surrounding Yourself with Kindness

Photo by Brittani Burns on Unsplash

You have a choice, and it’s one of the most important choices you can make: You can choose who to surround yourself with. This week, let’s talk about why the people around you matter and how to weed out toxicity (and choose kindness) in your life.

Why “Your People” Matter

Have you ever dropped food coloring into clear water? Even a few drops can taint an entire pitcher, changing it from clear to bright green, or red, or blue. And if you give it a stir, the color will take hold even quicker, disguising the clear water entirely.

This is how toxic relationships can leak into our lives. Even a single toxic individual (like a single drop of food coloring) can ruin our day, dim our joy, or make us not want to show up for work. And two or three individuals can ruin things even quicker. Even if you have a sunny personality and are able to block out some toxicity (deflecting it like a piece of cheese cloth might ward off the drops of food coloring), that toxicity has a way of eventually soaking through.

In short, who we surround ourselves with matters. If the people you see on a regular basis tend to criticize and naysay, you’ll likely find yourself drained and depleted at the end of the day. On the other hand, if you’re surrounded by people who cheer you on, believe in you, and regularly uplift you, you’ll likely feel more energized, fortified, and affirmed.

Therapist John Kim wrote in a Psychology Today article, “…ask yourself who around you is draining you, sucking your energy and taking you hostage, making you feel insecure and less than, not supporting you and your story. What relationships in your life are lopsided? But more importantly, what you are going to do about it?”

What to Do About It

It can be difficult to know how to deal with a person (or people) who are, frankly, jerks. You might not be able to avoid a particular co-worker, for instance, or you might have to occasionally deal with a toxic friend or family member. However, there are a few proactive steps you can take:

Set Boundaries

If a friend is constantly dimming your light, you can choose to limit the time you spend with that person. If a co-worker is always naysaying ideas, you can push back with positivity (“Okay, we’ve heard from Susan what won’t work for this project. Who has an idea about what could work?”). Or, you might try to limit your interactions with them (scheduling fewer meetings, opting to only answer their emails once per day, etc.).

Surround Yourself with Kindness

Though we can’t always pick who we interact with, we can at times. You have the power to choose friends who uplift you and cheer you on. You can spend your time in committees and social groups that are positive and affirming, rather than ones that gossip and/or tear others down. You can also choose (in some cases) to focus your time on co-workers and family members who you enjoy being around. Remember: you are not obligated to upkeep friendships or acquaintances, just because you have known the other person for a long time. Sometimes, it’s okay to prune certain relationships from your life.

Talk Things Over

In certain cases, such as with close friends, family, or co-workers you see regularly, you may want to engage in a conversation about how they show up. John Kim suggests to “come from a place of care and concern, then tell them how their actions and energy are impacting you and the relationship.” Accusations and insults will lead nowhere, but constructive feedback could. It could be that the other person is unaware of how their words or actions are affecting you. Or maybe they are going through a rough patch and inadvertently taking out their frustrations on the people around them. A gentle and tactful conversation might illuminate those things for them.

Don’t let your well become tainted with toxicity! Understand how impactful the people around you can be and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and infuse your life with positivity. You probably have more power over who you allow into your life than you realize.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

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November 5, 2025 Stop Waiting for Permission

Photo by Ugur Arpaci on Unsplash

Are you waiting for a “sign” to take that next big step or shift your life in a new direction? Have you been hoping your boss will give you a promotion? Or the go-ahead to pursue an exciting new project? Or maybe you’re waiting for circumstances to be “just right” before acting.

Unfortunately, you might be waiting a very long time for “that thing” to materialize. Instead, I encourage you to stop waiting for permission and just go for it. Take the leap.

Trained to Wait

Many of us have grown accustomed to waiting for permission. As school kids, we had to ask permission for everything—from going to the bathroom to using craft supplies during break. In the office, we might need to ask permission for a budget increase, implementing a new marketing strategy, or focusing on an out-of-the-box area. Many initiatives need multiple people to give their stamps of approval before they can go forward.

We have become used to waiting and hoping things will move forward.

But if we apply this mentality to ourselves, we might simply stall out or become stagnant. The promotion might never come, the dream project might pass us by, we might remain stuck on a path that isn’t quite right for us. Sometimes, we have to be the ones to power our own engines and light our own paths. We can’t count on someone else to do it for us.

Taking a Leap

Just “going for it” can sometimes be scary. As a career coach, I’ve talked with many people who wanted to pursue an entirely different career path, but they were frozen with fear. What if they failed? What if they didn’t end up liking the new path? Or had to take a temporary pay cut? With so many doubts, their inclination was often to wait “until the time was right.” But, guess what? The time was never “right.” They could always point to some obstacle or inconvenience that held them back.

Rather than change their circumstances, they mainly had to change their perspectives. They had to realize that no one was going to come to them and say, “You now have permission to switch career paths.” They had to be the ones taking the initiative and, eventually, taking the leap.

That didn’t mean they couldn’t prepare for the leap. Just the opposite, in fact. Once they decided they would, indeed, make the change they had been waiting to make, they could take steps to facilitate it. That might mean saving extra money, taking classes, or learning a new skill. They were actively working toward making the change, rather than waiting for permission to do so.

Going For It

What are you waiting on in your life? Are you hoping to introduce an exciting initiative to your company? Do you want to shift your responsibilities at work? Learn how to paint? Travel to a new country? Change careers? Hike the Camino trail in Spain? Get a raise or a title change?

No matter your ambitions, it’s important to realize that opportunities rarely land in one’s lap. Instead of waiting for someone to give you permission, ACT. Instead of hoping change will happen, FACILITATE that change. Believe that your future is in your hands, and go for it. The timing will never be perfect, so why not start now?

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

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July 9, 2025 5 Ways to Become More Optimistic

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

It isn’t always easy to be an optimist. Sometimes life, and the world around us, seems grim and difficult. We’re bombarded with bad news, tough circumstances, and dire predictions. We go through hard situations like health scares, financial difficulty, and loss. But through it all, some people manage to stay optimistic.

When it’s easy to be cynical or downtrodden, the optimist resolutely seeks the good. While some might think this is related to blissful ignorance or weakness, my opinion is that optimists are brave and resilient. They dare to see the brighter side. To dream. To hope. 

How can you develop and hone your optimism? How can you start seeing the silver linings in storm clouds? Let’s talk about five ways to let your sunny side loose! 

1. Pause Before Reacting 

When life throws a nasty curveball your way, your automatic reaction may be to lash out, become angry, or start complaining about how life can be so unfair. If you feel these types of reactions coming on, I encourage you to pause. Take a step back and a few studying breaths, and approach the situation with a level head. Optimism may not be your default state (which is true of many people!) but you have the power to get into a frame of mind where you can adapt it.

2. Seek the Good

It may not feel natural at first, but it is possible to find a little bit of good in nearly every situation. For example, a colleague of mine was recently in a terrible cycling accident and had to have emergency shoulder surgery. While the situation was far from optimal, she was grateful that she was wearing a helmet and did not hit her head. Additionally, she was thankful that two kind strangers stopped after her crash to help her get the medical attention she needed. Though her recovery will be long, she recognizes that things could be a lot worse.

3. Plans Instead of Pity

When something bad happens to you, it is natural to have a little self-pity. That’s fine, but don’t let yourself wallow for too long. Instead, start thinking about what you can do to improve the situation. What steps can you take? What plans can you make to move forward in a positive way? Shift your mindset from, “Why did this happen to me?” to “How can I make the best of this?” Focusing on plans instead of pity will help you maintain an optimistic outlook.

4. Surround Yourself with Positivity

The people you spend time with have a big impact on your mindset. If you’re constantly around pessimistic, cynical, or complaining individuals, it can start to drag your own outlook down. Make an effort to connect with optimistic, upbeat people who inspire you and bring you joy.

5. Practice Gratitude

Make it a daily habit to reflect on things you are grateful for, no matter how small. This shifts your focus to the positive aspects of life, rather than dwelling on the negative. Keep a gratitude journal, share what you’re thankful for with loved ones, or simply take a few moments each day to appreciate the good in your life. The more you train your brain to seek out the positives, the more naturally optimistic your outlook will become.

Developing and maintaining an optimistic mindset takes practice, but it’s a valuable skill that can enrich your life in countless ways. When you choose to focus on the bright side, you open yourself up to new possibilities and the ability to weather life’s storms with greater resilience. Embrace these strategies and make optimism a cornerstone of your daily life. With time and dedication, you can cultivate a more positive, hopeful perspective that will serve you well both personally and professionally.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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