Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Communication

October 26, 2022 3 Steps to Deal with Negative Feedback

No one likes to receive negative feedback. We’d all like to skate through life and have people tell us, “That was perfect! No changes necessary.” Or, “I love your ideas. Let’s adopt every single one of them.” Or, “Your report was impeccable. Don’t change a thing.”

If only.

The truth is, you will receive negative feedback at times, whether in a meeting, during an annual review, or from co-workers (in a more casual sense). Negative feedback can sting. You might feel defensive, you may dread the work that the feedback might create, or you might even feel some animosity toward the person who delivered the critique.

Those feelings are normal, and you can work through them. Let’s talk about 3 ways to deal with negative feedback.

1. Delay Your Reaction

When you or your work is criticized, your kneejerk reaction may be to bite back. You might say something snappy, blow off the criticism, or even attack the speaker. None of these are productive responses, and they may end up damaging relationships or your reputation.

Instead, take time to internalize the criticism. You might ask a clarifying question or two (or gently correct something the speaker misstated), but do your best to not be defensive. Even if you don’t entirely agree with the feedback, there may be a kernel of truth in it. Let your anger or disappointment subside before you respond.

2. Examine the Heart of the Feedback

How often do you latch onto a criticism, even when someone has given you several compliments? When dealing with negative feedback, sit down and think about everything that was said. Was the negative component the most important part of the feedback? Or simply the part that stuck with you?

Even if the negative portion of the feedback wasn’t the central focus, it’s worth addressing it. Now that you’re in a more neutral state (hopefully!), consider ways to course correct. Will this be a major undertaking? Will it involve other people or various resources? Start planning, but don’t get too far until you do Step 3…

3. Circle Back to the Critiquer

After you’ve had some time to digest the negative feedback, it’s a good idea to reach out to the person who delivered it. It could be that they didn’t state their case clearly, were confused, or overstated the problem. Or maybe they meant every word of their critique.

Whatever the case, I encourage you to contact this person and address their criticism head-on. You might start the conversation like this:

“I’ve been giving what you said about X a lot of thought, and I want to ask you some clarifying questions before diving in to make corrections. Can we chat?”

If they agree to talk, keep things civil and professional. You should have a genuine desire to make things better and improve! The goal of this conversation is to capture more information AND demonstrate to the other person that you hear them, respect their opinion, and are willing to put in the leg work to make things right.

No one loves negative feedback, but we can all learn from it. At times, this feedback may be exaggerated or just plain wrong, but don’t dismiss it outright. We can learn from others’ thoughts and perspectives, and it’s helpful to keep a humble, always-improving attitude. Besides, the more you deal with criticism, the easier it will be to take it.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

Tags: , , , , ,

October 19, 2022 How Self-Understanding Boosts Productivity

“Know thyself” is an adage that goes back hundreds and hundreds of years. This may seem fairly straightforward (“Surely, I know myself better than anyone!”), but that’s often not the case. For one thing, how often do we actually spend time reflecting about ourselves, our perspectives, the way we process information, or the way we interact with others? For most people, these actions are unconscious. We move through the world without thinking about how we move through it.

Programs such as Insights® Discovery challenge us to sink deeper into our internal worlds and become better acquainted—or reacquainted—with ourselves. I use Insights® as an example because I’m a Licensed Practitioner of Insights® Discovery, but many other similar programs exist that help us drill down into the core of our being—StrengthsFinder, Enneagram, Myers-Briggs (informed by the findings of acclaimed psychiatrists Carl Jung, whose work is also the basis of Insights®).

These programs are valuable for helping us understand our personal tendencies, the unique ways we view the world and process information, how we interact with and relate to others, and the work that is best suited to our personalities. All of these findings are valuable for a number of reasons. In my Insights® sessions, people have made a variety of breakthroughs, ranging from clarifying their career paths to developing a better understanding of their strengths and areas of improvement.

Not only are breakthroughs possible, it’s also likely that everyday skills, systems, or functions will improve. One area that often improves is productivity.

How is productivity related to self-discovery? I can think of at least three links:

1. Communication Improves

The more you understand about your own and others communication preferences, the better you’ll be able to facilitate effective communication. For instance, if someone prefers direct communication, keep that in mind next time you have a meeting with that person. Don’t beat around the bush, and do your best to convey precisely what you mean.

On the other side of the coin, if you discover that you prefer indirect communication (an email or a voicemail) so you can think over your options before responding, make your preference clear. The next time someone calls on you during a meeting, say something to the effect of, “I would love to give you my thoughts once I’ve had time to mull them over. I tend to make better decisions once I’ve had time to analyze my options.”

2. Teamwork Improves

When a team goes through Insights® Discovery or a similar assessment program, they gain a deeper understanding of how each other operates. They learn that Maddie’s social tendencies shine during group work or team brainstorming sessions…but she can get frustrated or bored when asked to work alone. They learn that Max prefers direct communication and would rather talk candidly about an issue right away, rather than going through pleasantries or background information.

The team will also have access to a common language. For those who have been through Insights®, they might say, “That’s my yellow energy shining through!” Or, “I’m going to have to think about all this–you know how blue-energy folks love to analyze things!”

3. Suitability Improves

Far too often, we try to fit square pegs into round holes in the workplace. Once a team has undergone an assessment (and has had some subsequent coaching), it will become apparent who is content and well-suited to their current role, and who could use a shift. Perhaps someone is currently tasked with leading a group project, but would strongly prefer a background/support role. That discontentment will probably bubble to the surface when the team learns about each other’s work and communication preferences.

Learning about yourself on a deeper level is not just great for personal improvement, it’s highly valuable for improving team dynamics. If everyone on a work team took the same assessment test (preferably one that’s backed by science and has a proven track record), they would gain a more meaningful understanding of each other’s thought processes, communication preferences, and personalities. And they would also gain a common language to express these differences and distinctions.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

Tags: , , , , , ,

October 5, 2022 What is Performative Empathy? (and how to avoid it)

In recent years, workplace vulnerability has become something of a trend. Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, Tommy Spaulding’s heart-led leadership concept, Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence and other similar publications have opened the door for more vulnerability at all levels of the workplace, including leadership.

On the surface, that’s great! I fully support heart-led leadership and maintaining an open, honest relationship with team members. Problems can arise, however, when displays of emotion are not authentic.

A couple weeks ago, a CEO was given flak on social media for posting a picture of himself in tears, after he fired two of his people. Questions were immediately raised about his authenticity. The guy does run a social media company, so did he know this image would likely generate a buzz? And, most importantly, why was he turning the spotlight on himself, instead of centering his message on the two employees he let go? And why go public with his tears, instead of only sharing his sadness with his team?

These are all valid questions, and they led many people to distrust the CEO’s intentions. Some began labeling this “performative empathy.”

To me, performative empathy means putting on a show, rather than conveying true emotions. You might fake or exaggerate your sadness, anger, or frustration in order to win vulnerability points from your people. This isn’t true empathy, but a performance.

True empathy comes from a place of genuine concern. As a leader, you should authentically care about each person on your team. That care will naturally bubble up from time to time…but do you need to post about it on social media? That’s really not the point. The point is to be a genuine, caring human being with your team. The point is to see them as people—with very real struggles, emotions, and needs—and care about their wellbeing.

To avoid performative empathy, ask yourself:

  • How am I really feeling?
  • Is it appropriate to share these feelings?
  • Does my team need commiseration right now? Motivation? Simple understanding? (Make sure you’re acting in a way that’s appropriate for the situation.)
  • Has enough trust been established so that it feels natural to share my genuine emotions?
  • Does anyone outside of the team need to know how I’m feeling?

Authentic, heart-led leadership is a powerful thing. As long as you, as a leader, are coming from a place of genuine concern, you won’t have to worry about performative empathy. You’ll be practicing actual empathy.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE