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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Communication

October 5, 2022 What is Performative Empathy? (and how to avoid it)

In recent years, workplace vulnerability has become something of a trend. Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, Tommy Spaulding’s heart-led leadership concept, Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence and other similar publications have opened the door for more vulnerability at all levels of the workplace, including leadership.

On the surface, that’s great! I fully support heart-led leadership and maintaining an open, honest relationship with team members. Problems can arise, however, when displays of emotion are not authentic.

A couple weeks ago, a CEO was given flak on social media for posting a picture of himself in tears, after he fired two of his people. Questions were immediately raised about his authenticity. The guy does run a social media company, so did he know this image would likely generate a buzz? And, most importantly, why was he turning the spotlight on himself, instead of centering his message on the two employees he let go? And why go public with his tears, instead of only sharing his sadness with his team?

These are all valid questions, and they led many people to distrust the CEO’s intentions. Some began labeling this “performative empathy.”

To me, performative empathy means putting on a show, rather than conveying true emotions. You might fake or exaggerate your sadness, anger, or frustration in order to win vulnerability points from your people. This isn’t true empathy, but a performance.

True empathy comes from a place of genuine concern. As a leader, you should authentically care about each person on your team. That care will naturally bubble up from time to time…but do you need to post about it on social media? That’s really not the point. The point is to be a genuine, caring human being with your team. The point is to see them as people—with very real struggles, emotions, and needs—and care about their wellbeing.

To avoid performative empathy, ask yourself:

  • How am I really feeling?
  • Is it appropriate to share these feelings?
  • Does my team need commiseration right now? Motivation? Simple understanding? (Make sure you’re acting in a way that’s appropriate for the situation.)
  • Has enough trust been established so that it feels natural to share my genuine emotions?
  • Does anyone outside of the team need to know how I’m feeling?

Authentic, heart-led leadership is a powerful thing. As long as you, as a leader, are coming from a place of genuine concern, you won’t have to worry about performative empathy. You’ll be practicing actual empathy.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE

August 17, 2022 Why Care About Diversity of Thought?

We spend so much time in our own heads, and wrapped up in our own thoughts, we tend to forget that others think differently than we do. They might have different perspectives, different trigger points, or process information in a different way. These differences could stem from our backgrounds, experiences, personalities, world views—any number of factors that shape our thoughts.

It is important to A) acknowledge these differences and B) embrace them!

As a Licensed Practitioner of Insights Discovery (read more about Insights in this post), I am very familiar with diversity of thought. Some people thrive on data and logic. They prefer to collect all the information they possibly can before making a decision (or even speaking up). In Insights Discovery language, these individuals lead with “blue energy.”

Others are creative idea generators. They like to throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks (so to speak!). They enjoy talking out their thoughts and bouncing ideas off others. Generally, these people lead with “yellow energy.”

Additionally, a team might be comprised of “green energy” folks, who tend to be the most inclusive and empathetic of the four color energies. Their thinking often revolves around the greater good and how best to help people.

Then, there’s “red energy.” These individuals are action-oriented, so their thought process might go like this: “How can we get the best people on this project ASAP, and start delivering results?”

All these examples are, of course, generalizations (and I am very much glossing over what it means to lead with blue, yellow, green, and red energy), but the point I’m trying to illustrate is that people think, react, and process information in different ways. And that’s a good thing!

Can you imagine if everyone on your team was yellow energy-oriented and only enjoyed creative brainstorming? Maybe some of the ideas would bear fruit, but, without any data to back up the ideas, it’s difficult to know. On the other hand, data is absolutely critical for informing decisions, but data alone doesn’t create innovative solutions. You need a blend of both creativity and data.

So, when you’re making decisions on who to include on your team, take diversity of thought into consideration. Make an effort to include those who have different backgrounds and perspectives, diverse approaches, and various ways of looking at information or generating ideas. One way to identify thought diversity in your workplace is to utilize a science-based assessment program such as StrengthsFinder, DiSC, or (of course!) Insights Discovery.

If you’d like to learn more, send me a note.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

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July 20, 2022 What is Proximity Bias? (And how to avoid it)

Many organizations are still getting used to a work-from-home or hybrid workforce. Even if they use a variety of virtual technologies, that isn’t necessarily enough to create a level playing field between employees. Part of the reason some people may receive preferential treatment in today’s (often hybrid) environment is due to a subconscious tendency known as proximity bias.

What is Proximity Bias?

In short, proximity bias has to do with giving preference to those who are close by. The BBC describes proximity bias as “an unconscious – and unwise – tendency to give preferential treatment to those in our immediate vicinity.” Due to proximity, we might distribute projects or tasks unfairly, let certain people “have the floor” more often during meetings, or pay closer attention to those who are nearby…all without even realizing we’re doing it.

Humans are constantly seeking 1) shortcuts and 2) connections. Because of these tendencies, proximity bias is the most natural thing in the world. It’s easier to assign tasks or communicate with those who are in the office next door. And it’s easier to form connections when you’re in the same room as someone, rather than someone in the virtual space. Frankly, that is unfair to those who are unable to regularly be in the office for whatever reason (irregular childcare schedules, caretaking for an ailing loved one, an outlandishly long commute, etc.)

How do we change these impulsive tendencies?

How Do We Overcome Proximity Bias?

The first step is to build awareness.

Once you understand proximity bias and its implications, you can begin working to overcome it. Start paying attention to the interactions you have with those close by, as opposed to the interactions you have with virtual workers. Start questioning your preferences—who is assigned certain projects, who has the most air time during meetings, etc. Tuning in is the first step to making mindful, meaningful changes.

Secondly, normalize logging in.

Even if part of your team is sharing a conference room during a meeting, encourage everyone to log in to their own laptop. That way, you’re conducting one meeting (in the virtual space), instead of two meetings, and in-person participants won’t be able to strike up side conversations or give body language signals that the virtual attendees might not see. Logging in when you’re in the same room might seem awkward at first, but people will adapt (especially if you explain why it’s important to do so).

Third, make sure everyone has equal access to resources.

Files should be shared in a virtual space; action plans and notes should be digitized. To further combat proximity bias, it’s a good idea to promote virtual discussions/forums, rather than rely on casual hallway interactions. Besides, if you use online forums, you’ll have a digital record of ideas and discussions that could be useful going forward.

Fourth, balance in-person meetings/events with virtual ones.

When the office culture revolves around in-person lunches, activities, and get togethers, those who are working remotely are naturally left out. When that happens, their connection with the office and their co-workers (and, often, and their sense of loyalty to the company) diminishes. Instead, make a conscious effort to host online events just as often (or more often!) as in-person ones.

Proximity bias is a very real phenomenon, but it is possible to combat it. Even though it’s difficult to entirely erase this subconscious bias, we can all take mindful steps to minimize it.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.

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