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March 19, 2025 5 Strategies for Being Heard

Photo by Oleg Laptev on Unsplash

Do you sometimes feel like your voice isn’t being heard? Do others tend to dominate the conversation, putting forth their ideas and perspectives without giving you a turn to speak? Whether you’re dealing with interactions in your personal life or the workplace, it is incredibly frustrating to be silenced.

This silencing can happen for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re naturally quiet or laid back. Perhaps the people dominating the conversation are especially loud or domineering (or, in some cases, even narcissistic). Or maybe the workplace culture or social norms dictate who normally speaks and is listened to. Whatever the case, it is possible to break through the barrier and be heard.

Keep in mind, your thoughts, opinions, points of view, and ideas are valuable. You bring fresh perspectives to the table, and your views are worthwhile. Not to mention, assertive people are the ones who normally get raises and promotions; they’re noticed, and people listen to them. You can be that person. Here are five suggestions to get started:

Enter with Confidence

You set the tone for a conversation as soon as you enter a room or log into a Zoom meeting. Your body language can exude confidence and savviness…or it can show timidness and insecurity. To develop the confidence you need, I suggest preparing as best you can for the meeting or conversation. Do your due diligence and learn whatever background information you need to be a confident contributor. You could even practice reciting a few sentences in the mirror (practicing out loud really does help).

Then, focus on your body language. Keep your shoulders up, head high, and a pleasantly confident expression on your face. Pay attention to what is being said, and understand when your input might be valuable.

Stop Interrupters

If someone interrupts you in the middle of a sentence, put a stop to it, if possible. Sometimes interruptions happen in the natural flow of conversation, but other times they are chronic and consistent and need to be stopped. To stop an interrupter, try holding up your hand and saying something to direct attention back to you. Some examples are:

“Wait. I know you want to jump in, but I wasn’t quite finished.”

“Great point. I’ll address that when I’m done speaking.”

“Hold on, please. I’m almost done making my point.”

Anticipate the Interruption

If interruptions are the norm in certain groups or settings, you can set yourself up for success by preemptively addressing that problem. When you start speaking, try opening with a sentence like, “I would like two uninterrupted minutes to make an additional point.” Or: “I know many of you are eager to share, but I would love to say one thing before anyone else gives their input.” Then, proceed.

By opening with such a statement you’re setting up a clear expectation. You will say your piece, and then others will have a turn.

Find an Advocate/Partner

If your efforts to be heard are not bearing fruit, it may be a good idea to confide in someone else who is regularly in the same meetings or conversations. Confide in this person privately and let them know your frustrations. It’s possible they have no clue that you’re feeling silenced or left out. Once they’re aware of the issue, ask if they would be willing to subtly include you in meetings. This could mean saying something like, “We haven’t heard from Catherine yet. I’m curious if she has any ideas.” Or: “Catherine, you seem to want to say something. What’s on your mind?” Or: “Hold up, Roger. I think Catherine was in the middle of saying something. Let’s hear her out before you take your turn.”

Talk to Your Interrupter

In some cases, depending on your relationship with the person or people who chronically interrupt you, it may be best to be direct. If you feel comfortable enough with someone to have an honest conversation, do so and let them know how you feel. You might say something like the following:

“I always appreciate your enthusiasm in meetings, but lately it feels like there’s no room for my voice. Do you suppose I could have the floor for a few minutes next time?”

“I didn’t get much of a chance to offer my perspective at yesterday’s meeting. At our next one, I would love just two or three minutes of uninterrupted floor time.”

“I had several thoughts during our last meeting, but I didn’t have a chance to express them. Could I kick off our next meeting with a few uninterrupted minutes of speaking time?

I suggest having this conversation in person, rather than over email or a messaging app, so you can talk civilly and not blow things out of proportion.

Don’t let those who are the loudest and most confident (or aggressive) always get air time. You, and your quieter colleagues and friends, have valuable things to say and contribute, and your voices deserve to be heard. With a few intentional strategies and actions, you should be able to amplify your voice and confidently deliver your message.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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January 22, 2025 Why Create a “Comfort List”?

Sometimes we simply need a break. However, even when life gets tough, we do not always step back, breathe, and treat ourselves well. Instead, we do what all those self-help books tell us to do: power through, be “gritty,” adapt a growth mindset, persevere. While it can be useful to keep going at times, sometimes it is necessary to slow down, give yourself grace, and take a break.

Why Take a Break?

Giving ourselves space to breathe is not selfish, and it shouldn’t be a rare luxury. In truth, when we take care of our mental, physical, and emotional health, we empower ourselves to be better and do better. While some believe only long work hours and “the grind” can help you succeed, studies have found that isn’t the case. A team at Harvard Business Review analyzed over 80 studies and found that, “Pausing work throughout the day can improve well-being and also help with getting more work done…taking breaks within work hours not only does not detract from performance, but can help boost it.”

And the benefits go beyond the workplace. When we give ourselves space and time, we are better able to process complex or difficult situations. When we allow ourselves room to think, we can come up with better solutions to overcome personal issues, negative relationship dynamics, and other sticking points. Occasionally taking a meaningful respite can help us to reenergize, regain our patience, and prevent burnout.

Make It Meaningful

One key word in the last sentence is “meaningful.” When we do convince ourselves it’s okay to take a break, we may not know what to do with ourselves. Instead of taking a meaningful break or engaging in an actual form of relaxation, we end up turning on the TV or scrolling through social media. This may be a temporary band-aid, but it can also have the opposite effect. The news might increase our anxiety, and social media might create unrealistic standards for our homes, our relationships, and ourselves. What to do instead?

Consider creating a “comfort list.” This can be a go-to list of items that will help you relax and unwind in a meaningful way. In addition to including your ideas for meaningful breaks/comforts, the list can also be divided into quick, straightforward activities as well as more involved activities. If you need to take a break NOW and don’t have time to engage in anything too elaborate, opt for one of the quicker activities. If you really need some time to unwind, look to the more involved activities.

Some quick, short-term, easy activities for a “comfort list” could include:

  • Reading a chapter in a book
  • Making a cup of tea and doing a crossword puzzle
  • Stretching
  • Going to the movies (by yourself or with someone)
  • Doing a little baking or cooking while listening to a podcast
  • Journaling
  • Meditating
  • Walking outside (by yourself or with a companion)

More involved activities could include:

  • Going to a coffee shop with a book in hand
  • Doing yoga or hitting the gym
  • Taking a cooking class
  • Grabbing a beverage or an appetizer with a close friend
  • Going to the library
  • Heading to a local conservatory
  • Going to a theater production
  • Taking a community education class
  • Volunteering to walk dogs or play with kittens

Even more involved activities could include:

  • Planning a vacation
  • Booking a nearby hotel room for a “staycation” (and hot tub time!)
  • Having a spa day

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed and on the brink of a burnout, take a look at the comfort list you put together. Which activities might help to rejuvenate you? Do you need to do something right now, or do you have the time and patience to engage in one of the more involved activities? We all need breaks, and this type of list can help you find the self-care you need when you don’t feel creative enough to come up with ideas to relax. Just turn to your list and start getting the (much needed) care you require.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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December 18, 2024 When a Change is on the Horizon

Limited Time Offer: My online leadership course is on sale for $98. Enjoy the “Invest in YOU” discount.

For the past couple of years, I have been toying with the idea of retirement. However, whenever I think my plan is in place and I’m ready to begin heading toward the “off ramp,” I gain a new client or speaking gig, or an exciting new opportunity lands in my inbox. So, I delay a while longer. However, a part of me is realistic about the inevitable path ahead, so I’m taking actions that will help me when this moment of transition comes: I’m observing, listening, and learning from others.

Technically, I retired once already when I left my leadership role at 3M. That time was different, though, because I was still fairly young and had some vague plans for starting a second career—the coaching business that became UXL. This time feels more final.

So, what have I learned from observing and listening to those who have made a leap into retirement? These are a few of my takeaways:

Reframe Your Identity

For many of us, our identity is closely tied to our work. When you meet someone new, it’s common to ask, “What do you do?” Once you retire, that question can seem daunting or even embarrassing. No one wants to say, “Well, I used to be…” You can, however, take ownership of your identity and reframe it. For example, instead of saying “I’m retired,” you could say, “I volunteer at the local animal shelter and am spearheading a project focused on children’s literacy.” This allows you to focus on the activities and interests that are important to you, rather than defining yourself by what you used to do. Embracing a new identity can help you feel more purposeful and engaged in this next chapter of your life.

Find Your Community

When you step away from a workplace, you end up losing an entire group of people that you regularly see. This may leave a gap in your social life, and you might feel like you’re missing something, especially if you regularly interacted with your work team or colleagues. Building a community outside of the office is essential. These could be friends, a book club, a community volunteer group, a church committee, or any type of organization that allows you to connect with others. Finding ways to build new relationships and stay socially engaged can help ease the transition into retirement.

Maintain a Routine

Many retirees find that maintaining a routine is crucial for their well-being. Without the structure of a traditional workday, it’s easy to feel adrift. Establishing a daily or weekly schedule can provide a sense of purpose and help you stay productive. This could include exercising, pursuing hobbies, volunteering, or even scheduling regular social activities. Maintaining a routine can help you feel grounded and prevent boredom or a sense of aimlessness. Additionally, I’ve learned that it’s important to leave room for spontaneity and flexibility, so you don’t feel overly constrained.

Stay Active and Engaged

Keeping your mind and body active is crucial. Retirement is an opportunity to explore new interests and expand your knowledge. Consider taking classes, attending lectures, or pursuing hobbies you’ve always wanted to try. It’s also a good idea to stay in motion, which might mean pursuing an active hobby like hiking, cycling, or swimming. Staying engaged can help prevent boredom, provide opportunities to learn something new, and help you stay active and physically fit.

Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability

As you navigate retirement, be open to embracing change and adapting to new circumstances. Your plans and expectations may evolve over time, and it’s important to remain flexible. Be willing to try new things, explore new possibilities, and adjust your routines as needed. Retirement is a journey, and being adaptable will help you make the most of this new chapter.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, so be patient with yourself as you navigate this transition. With an open mindset and a willingness to try new things, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful retirement that aligns with your values and interests.

These are just a few of my observations and learnings from people who are thriving in retirement. To me, it is mainly important to maintain an open mindset, have patience, and allow your retirement years to take whatever shape they will. Retirement is not a singular destination, but a dynamic journey that evolves over time. Someday in the not-so-distant future, I will embark on this journey too…but not quite yet.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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