March 1, 2017 The RIGHT Way to Get Angry
Picture this: You’re late to work because traffic was moving at a snail’s pace, which caused other drivers to get irritable and cut you off on the road. When you finally get to work, you find a Post-it note on a stack of papers on your desk that says “Need this by the end of the day.” You grumble about the huge pile of work and decide to make a cup of coffee. When you take your first sip, the coffee burns the roof of your mouth and you end up spitting it out…all over your white shirt.
Have you ever had a day like that? I know I have! How do you react? How can you turn such a disastrous day around?
A big part of the solution rests with you. How you handle the anger that’s undoubtedly bubbling within you can either make or break your day. But that’s easier than it sounds!
When many of us feel angry, we tend to react in one of two equally unhealthy ways:
- Bottle up the anger and hope things will get better.
- Let our anger flow forth and land on everyone and everything around us.
Research shows that neither method is ideal. Bottling up your anger can make it worse and can increase stress and anxiety. Venting your anger, on the other hand, can intensify your feelings and damage relationships with those around you.
So, what can you do?
One way to temporarily cool your jets is to practice steadying your breathing and counting or repeating a mantra in your head. Once you’ve gained control, assess the current situation that’s making you angry and LOOK FOR THE GOOD in it. Even terrible situations have silver linings. Take the story at the beginning of this blog post:
- Even though traffic was slow, you didn’t get in an accident and your car is running just fine
- Even though your boss gave you a pile of work, you are employed and capable. You are a problem-solver and can either figure out how to do the work or talk with your boss and negotiate.
- Even though you burned your mouth and spilled coffee on your shirt, it’s great that you have access to coffee and have the means to purchase a shirt. You’re luckier than many people out there.
See? If you dig into your frustrations, you can find bits of goodness embedded in them.
Another tactic you can utilize is practicing empathy. If other people are causing you to get angry, ask yourself why that might be. Put yourself in their shoes and consider if they are being a pain in the neck because they’re going through a rough patch. It could be that something terrible is happening in their lives that you’re not aware of. Before you combat anger with anger, take a moment to find compassion. Ask questions (if you feel comfortable doing so) and aim for understanding.
You can get a handle on anger. As researcher Albert Ellis said, “You don’t get frustrated because of events, you get frustrated because of your beliefs.” Work on your belief system. Believe that the world is not out to get you. Believe there is always something positive embedded in the negative. Your thinking can change your life.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: anger the right way, conscious anger, controlled anger, empathy at work, good embedded in bad, Margaret Smith UXL, mindful anger, silver lining at work, the right way to get angry, UXL career coaching
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- Posted under Changing Your Life, Communication, Personal Branding, Thrive at Work
February 22, 2017 5 Tips for Job Hunting While Working Your Current Job
It’s a common story. You desperately want a new job, but because of financial constraints, you’re unable to quit your current one and start searching. What do you do?
The simple answer is, of course, you have to search for a new job while you’re still working your current one. But that isn’t always easy. How do you balance your time between everyday work and job hunting? How do you field calls from potential employers? Or dash out for an interview? How do you maintain a positive attitude and a good work ethic, even when you want to get the heck outta dodge?
Great questions! Here are 5 tips for effectively job hunting while working your current job:
1. Respect your current job (and company)
First and foremost, don’t lose sight of the fact that you’re still employed by your current company. That means you still have to do your work and do it to the best of your ability. It also means that you should limit job hunting to your lunch break or to times when you’re not at work (before work, after work, on weekends). Consider taking a day off every now and then and dedicate it to job hunting.
REMEMBER: A future potential employer may call your current boss down the road. You don’t want to be remembered as a slacker!
ALSO REMEMBER: Every skill you build in your current position can only help you in the job hunt. Use that as motivation as you plow forward!
2. Set deadlines for yourself
Make goals and commit to achieving them. You might want to apply for a certain number of jobs each week or set aside an hour each day for job searching/applying.
3. Invest in your future
Job hunting may seem overwhelming, especially if you haven’t done it in a while. Think about taking an online course in effect job hunting, or enlist the help of a career coach. Career coaches, such as myself, specialize in résumé editing, cover letter writing, job search tactics, and interviewing best practices. Your job hunt doesn’t have to be a solo endeavor!
4. Set boundaries
When applying for jobs, make your availability clear. Let recruiters know that you will only take a call outside of normal working hours (or during your lunch break). If you have a separate home phone, give the recruiter that number.
And emails? Reply to any job hunt-related emails during lunch or during a designated break. Otherwise, reply after work. Most recruiters understand job applicants’ constraints and it is acceptable to let recruiters know that you’d like to remain discreet.
One other thing related to setting boundaries: Try not to get your coworkers involved. While it may be tempting to tell others about your job hunt, be careful who you divulge information to. Office gossip can spread quickly!
5. Network with care
If you attend a job fair, you run the risk of bumping into someone you know. If you update your LinkedIn profile to say “Seeking a new position,” you really run the risk of being exposed. What to do?
According to Liz Ryan of Forbes magazine, “Your best bet as a stealth job seeker is to network one-on-one with people you already know, and to allow or encourage the folks you already know to introduce you to other people — friends and colleagues of theirs.” Personal references are one of the best ways to find a new job, rather than taking your chances at a job fair.
Remember to be tactful, respect your current job, and set a regular job-hunting schedule. And don’t let your search distract you from doing the best work you can do right now. Best of luck with your hunt!
Do you have other questions about job hunting while still working your current job? Please post them in the comments section below or, if you’d like to remain confidential, please feel free to contact me.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: business coach Margaret Smith, Career Coach Advice, career coach Margaret Smith, Job Hunt Advice, Job hunt tips, job hunt while working current job, job search advice, new job hunt, tips for job hunting
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- Posted under Goals, Tips for the Job Hunt
February 15, 2017 10 Diplomatic Ways to Say NO
It’s easy to say yes.
“Yes, I can take on that project!”
“Yes, I’ll have that to you by next week!”
“Yes, I’ll add another client to my list!”
While it’s great to be agreeable, there is a limit. When you’re bogged down with commitments and your work-life balance is suffering, it’s time to put on the brakes and start saying no. Do it for your mental and emotional health. Do it in order to be true to yourself (in other words, don’t take on projects that do not align with your skills and interests). Do it to set boundaries and stop others from taking advantage of you.
But do it right.
Below are 10 diplomatic ways to say no. Practice reading them aloud in front of a mirror until they become natural.
“Thank you for the opportunity, but my schedule is packed.”
“I know you would like my help with __________, but I won’t be able to do so unless/until __________.”
“I wish I could, but as a rule I don’t __________.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I have other commitments.”
“I’m really not the best fit for __________. Have you tried talking with ? That sounds right up his/her alley.”
“I appreciate you coming to me with this opportunity. Unfortunately, I have too much on my plate right now to take it on.”
“I would like to say yes, but I don’t have time to do this project justice right now.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m only taking on work related to _________ right now.”
“I’d like to help you, but my schedule won’t allow any new projects.”
“Thanks for asking, but I really can’t.
Use these responses to help you take control of your time and schedule. It takes courage, but you’ll thank yourself later if you decide to decline a project that doesn’t align with your values and priorities.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: creatively say no, diplomatic ways to say no, job help minneapolis, Just say no, margaret smith career coach, Minneapolis career coach, reduce stress, saying no, work-life balance
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- Posted under Better Business, Changing Your Life, Communication, Leadership
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