Category Archives: Tips for Improving Interactions
November 6, 2012 What’s The Deal With Difficult People?
It’s not uncommon to have met some of your best friends through work. Yet we also know that the workplace is full of people who seem dead set on making things more difficult for everyone around them. In order to maintain a productive and fulfilling work environment, it’s vital to know how to effectively deal with “problem people,” as we will lovingly call them.
The problem person comes in many varieties. There’s the passive-aggressive person, the micro-manager, the hostile one, the egotistical guy/gal, the overly-dramatic one, and the list goes on. Hara Estroff Marano of Psychology Today states that these diverse personalities all share a common trait:
“Their MO is to provoke, then make you feel you have no reason to react—and it’s all your fault to begin with!”
Their power therefore comes from “getting a rise” out of you. Which means that in order to reestablish control in a situation, you must identify when, where and how a problem person is manipulating your emotions.
First, we must step back and try to remain composed during an unpleasant exchange. Doing so gives us the chance to evaluate the situation clearly. “Therein lies your advantage,” says Marano. “It allows you to predict the specific emotional trap being set for you, which is your passport to getting your own power back.” Although it seems counter-intuitive in the moment, keeping calm even while being yelled at demonstrates that the difficult person you’re dealing with has no power over how you react; you alone possess this power.
Next, determine when and where you are most likely to interact with your difficult person, and form a strategy that limits their negative influence on you. Physician Susan Biali provides a few examples of what this looks like:
“Minimize time with problem people. Keep interactions as short as possible.”
Some personality types just don’t mix well, and it may be best for both parties if you restrict face time with your difficult person to business-only exchanges.
“Before any interaction with a difficult person, mentally review the topics that invite attack and make an effort to avoid them.”
In this way, you are withholding fuel they could use to cultivate negativity in the workplace.
Whatever you do, don’t let the problem go unresolved. You may need to confront the person head-on if their behavior continues to hinder your ability to get work done. If this be the case, use “I” statements that seek to show how their behavior effects you, and do your best to be gentle, reasonable and to-the-point. Often, people giving you problems may not be aware that they’re impacting you in a negative way.
Overall, remember that only you control your behavior, your reactions and your emotions. Patience, perspective and a grain of salt go a long way when it comes to effectively dealing with difficult people.
1 “The High Art of Handling Problem People,” last modified July 2, 2012, Psychology Today, accessed November 5, 2012, http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201204/the-high-art-handling-problem-people
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August 9, 2012 The Most Important Leadership Quality
A recent article published in the Harvard Business Review claims that one quality rises above the rest when it comes to great leadership: self-awareness. In the article, titled “How Leaders Become Self-Aware”, author Anthony Tjan poses a question to help us understand what is meant by self-awareness: “What motivates you and your decision making?”
Are you prepared to respond? Unless you have already made practice in self awareness part of your everyday and you’ve taken the assessments and consulted with others, you may struggle to answer Tjan’s question.
Tjan outlines three steps that all of us can take to become better leader in our life. Because I do a lot of work with self-awareness as an Insights Practitioner, I’m always combing through new resources for my coaching when it comes to self-awareness. I thought Tjan’s pointers were spot on and provided some great ideas for improving effectiveness and interactions.
Test and Know Yourself Better
This translates simply to take a personality test. I know it sounds simple (and the process can be as simple as answering questions about yourself for half an hour online, in the case of Insights Discovery), but this quick gesture, when given reflection, can transform the way you work and your relationships with others. Tjan advocates self-assessments because “they facilitate self-reflection, which leads to better self-awareness.”
Watch Yourself and Learn
This step plays out on a more long term scale, but can have big takeaways when done correctly. The process of this step is simple: when making a big decision, always record your reasons for that decision and then revisit these reasons 9-12 months later. What panned out and what didn’t? Tjan labels this practice as feedback analysis and explains that its effectiveness is found in two steps: “a) codify rationale and motivators and b) reflect and assess outcomes.”
Be Aware of Others, Too
Self-awareness is no good if you live alone on an island—the real power of this knowledge reveals itself when you interact with others on a team. “Knowing your natural strengths and weaknesses makes you a better recruiter and allocator of talent,” says Tjan. But this knowledge is most effective when you’re aware of the strengths of those around you, because this results in a group of people who both “understand and complement each other.” A strong team is founded on the diverse approaches and skills of its members, and because these members approach tasks differently, this promotes learning and feedback within the group—it leads to innovation.
Have questions about self-awareness? Feel free to contact me for answers.
Tags: Career Coach Advice, Delegation, How to Change Your Life, Improving Relationships, Insights Discovery
July 25, 2012 No Sweat, No Fail Networking
By Margaret Smith, UXL: Creating Successful Leaders
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
Networking… Just the shear mention of the word makes my knees buckle and my deodorant is challenged.
Networking is, however, one of the most important skills to perfect, no matter where you are on your career journey. Did you know that more than 80% of jobs today are found through contacts, not over the internet or by blindly sending a resume.
You’ve probably familiar with the phrase “It’s who you know, not what you know”, and for a period of time, a lot of us could afford to ignore this little axiom. Well, the times certainly have changed. Now, more and more people are discovering the truth behind this common message.
Today, your contacts (and your contact’s contacts) are the real door openers to the interview.
Networking is essential to the job hunt, but it’s not limited to those looking for employment. Even if you currently have a job, a new position may be searching for you. If you don’t have the right connections internally your name may not come up—opportunity missed!
No Sweat, No Fail Networking
The first step is to figure out where to go. Where can you find the people that you need to meet—where do they hang out? Find the events and activities that attract the people and organizations you need or want to meet.
The 3 Parts of Successful Networking:
1) Know your Audience: Who will be there? Who do I need/want to meet? How do I “show up”?
2) Have an Objective: Is my objective to collect 15 business cards or to meet the 3 most influential people at the event? You will achieve what you set your mind to do.
3) Be Prepared and Practice: Know how you will introduce yourself, what you do or what you want. Make sure you have a request ready, such as “May I call you next week to set up some time to learn more?” or “Whom in your organization is involved in what I am interested in?” or “Who do you suggest I meet here tonight?”
Practice is the fun part. Stand in front of the mirror, watch your body language, smile, and figure out ways to share your energy so people enjoy their encounter with you.
Don’t forget to follow up via phone or email with the people you meet and remind them of something from your conversation.
Okay, now my knees stopped shaking and I am writing down my introduction so I can practice for that event on Monday night…Good luck!
