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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Tips for Improving Interactions

December 24, 2014 5 Easy Ways to Show Gratitude

Last month’s newsletter was on the importance of gratitude, but I wanted to give you five quick ways you can show it. During the holiday season, it is easy to feel overwhelmed with a long list of things to do—buy presents, prepare food, clean the house, shovel the driveway, etc.—and it’s easy to forget our manners in the shuffle.

Think about the wonderful people around you and remember why we celebrate this time of year. Be grateful for those people and show them your appreciation when they open their home, share their food with you, or buy you a present. Here are five easy ways you can show your gratitude:

1. Say (and write) thank you.

Even if you act grateful (enjoying your meal, praising the gift someone gave you, etc.), it’s still nice to hear the words Thank You. They are worth a lot, especially when said with meaning. And don’t forget the power of a handwritten thank you note. It’s a gesture that shows that you cared enough about the other person that you took time out of your busy day to write something thoughtful.

2. Listen

Too often, we are so busy with all the thoughts in our own heads that we miss what others are saying. Show the person across the table from you that you are grateful for their presence. Sincerely listen to what they have to say before jumping in with your own story or opinion.

3. Extend an invitation and follow through

If there is someone at the office (or perhaps an old friend or relative) with whom you’d like to connect, reach out to them! Too often, we become comfortable in our own cozy bubbles and forget the people at the peripheries of our lives. It’s as simple as asking someone to lunch or a quick cup of coffee.

4. Lend a hand

Whether it’s cleaning up the dishes after a friend’s holiday party or offering to help your secretary prepare for the next office get together, it’s always nice to give others support by helping out.

5. Acknowledge others’ successes

It could be a co-worker, it could be your son or daughter—practice showing gratitude to others by acknowledging their good work. You could do this publicly (i.e. in a company meeting or when you’re gathered together at lunch) or privately. Share a specific example of what that person did or accomplished and let them know you appreciate their excellent work.

It is not difficult to show gratitude, but sometimes it does take conscious effort. Practice being mindful this holiday season and focus on the positive aspects of your life, rather than the negative ones. This way, gratitude will be at the top of your mind and saying things like “thank you” or “I appreciate you because…” will come naturally.

Happy holidays! I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog.

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November 12, 2014 How to Befriend Your Boss (Or at least get noticed!)

Let’s face it, the key to achieving many of your career goals (that promotion, that next raise, etc.) is to pass through the office gatekeeper: your boss. Befriending your boss can be a tricky endeavor. You don’t want to seem like a brown-noser or disingenuous. What’s more, your boss might seem distant or guarded, reluctant to make new acquaintances with people from the lower ranks. If that’s the case, you might want to set your sights on making an impression on your boss, rather than a friendship. But, no matter the situation, there are certain steps you can take to become more visible in a positive way in your boss’ eyes.

The key is to approach your boss in a natural, authentic way and treat her like any other human being. The goal is to develop an authentic relationship with another person, not to feel intimidated or uneasy with a superior. Try getting to know your boss like any other person at the office:

  • Say hello
  • Ask about his or her family (and remember family member names when they come up in conversation)
  • Ask about their weekend plans or ask about what they did this past weekend
  • Attend company events and make small talk with your boss
  • Discuss shared interests (but do NOT pretend to like something your boss does just to fit in)

Notice that this list does not include things like “buy him small gifts” or “call her to have coffee.” Those kind of activities tend to cross the boss-employee line (unless, of course, you actually are close friends with your boss OR your boss is the kind of person who enjoys regularly going out for coffee with her employees).

The other way to gain positive attention from your boss is to make your achievements known. Stand out from the crowd by speaking up at meetings, volunteering for extra projects (and delivering excellent results), and involving yourself in extracurricular work events. Make yourself a positive presence—someone who is friendly and inclusive, rather than closed off and self-centered—and you will be noticed. Even if you do not quite reach friendship level with your boss, you can at least make yourself visible and visibility goes a long way toward reaching your career goals.

Are you having trouble with your boss? Not connecting with office leadership? Contact me and we can discuss some potential solutions.

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January 2, 2013 Becoming A Better Community Builder

We are social creatures. Take a moment to consider where we would be without our ability to work together. Let’s go back, way back, to the very first humans. What did they have to contend with? Large, carnivorous beasts? Check. Extreme climates and unpredictable weather patterns? Check. Other human-like primates fighting for land? Oh yeah.

Now, consider the average human being. Between 5-6 feet tall, mostly hairless, not too strong. Any common wild animal could tear a person apart. Humans can’t fly, aren’t especially fast runners. No claws, no sharp teeth, no protective shielding for their soft skin. Compared to most other successful creatures on the planet, we humans are pretty weak.

So why, when we look anywhere on the globe today, are humans the clear top dogs?

Community.

We are more intelligent than other animals, yes, but it was our ability to use our bigger brains to cooperate that made all the difference.

Don’t worry, this hasn’t turned into an anthropology blog. I’m looking back in time in order to give clarity to the state of the typical modern life. Much of our stress, unhappiness and discontent can be traced back to an imbalance in community, a neglect of maintaining our life teams.

In many ways, we’ve fashioned little protective cocoons in all areas of living today. We drive in heated, wheeled boxes we call cars, we plug into portable musical devices at all waking hours, we’re more concerned  with our smartphones than we are with what’s going on in our immediate vicinity. Behaviors like these can work against our need for vibrant community.

So how do we return to what made us successful as a species in the first place?

1. Be Present. Think about your average day, and take note of the times you spend “plugged in” on phones, computers or music devices. Limit yourself to using these devices only when you need them. It’s also fine to give yourself a little free time for web surfing or phone games, but keep track of how often you plug in for fun, and always give your attention to what’s going on around you over what’s happening online. Make a point to engage in the moment, wherever you are. Being present allows you to see the opportunities for connection all around you. And when you’re present, others will feed off this, which creates an environment ripe for community-building.

2. Become a key part of a group. Strong communities are ones which utilize the strengths of every individual in order to achieve a common goal. Hopefully you know your strengths (and if you don’t, check out the Insights assessment on my site!), and can be able to see where your skills or abilities would help others.

3. Stay proactive about meeting people, spending time with people, and sharing your life with those around you. The hardest part about belonging to a strong community is the work and maintenance involved. Many people have marveled at how strong my relationship with my neighbors is. We have numerous neighborhood parties, cook-outs and traditions. Our doors are always open, and none of us hesitate to ask to borrow some brown sugar or a snow shovel. I always tell people who ask that this didn’t just happen. We all have to plan and really work to keep the traditions going. We also have to be present during tough times, ready to assist each other even when we ourselves are swamped with tasks. But it’s all worth it.

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