Category Archives: Changing Your Life
July 13, 2016 9 Ways to Ask for What You Want
You’ve probably heard phrases like, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for” or “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” There’s a reason those idioms are popular—they’re absolutely true!
It isn’t enough to secretly wish for something; the best way to get what you want is to take clear, direct action. Oftentimes, that means having the courage to call upon others for help or guidance. It means starting a dialogue and expressing your desires.
Why do we so often hesitate to ask for what we want?
This hesitation can stem from a fear of feeling vulnerable or unworthy, or the belief that successful people never ask for help. All of these fears work within us to maintain the status quo and prevent us from seeking the change we desire.
Don’t let your pride keep you from asking for what you want. This is a lesson I learned as a senior leader at 3M and one that I now apply to my current work as a career coach. It’s okay to lean on others and ask for help. You don’t have to do everything on your own!
Whether you’d like to ask for a raise, take on a new project, or revamp an outdated work system, have the courage to speak up. Seek out the areas where you desire change and begin asking the right people for help.
Harder than it sounds, right?
In order to overcome the hesitation you might feel to ask for what you want, I’ve put together these 9 guidelines:
- Be honest with yourself about your current dreams and needs—know what you want.
- Seek support from the experts and professionals around you who can best support your goals.
- Always believe that what you’re asking for is possible.
- Be genuine about your wants and honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses.
- Consider sending an email or making a phone call to introduce yourself to those who you think may be of service. Outline your needs, but don’t be pushy. Take the time to build a trusting relationship.
- Always be passionate about what you request.
- Never let fear prevent you from acting.
- Anticipate that not everyone will be able or willing to help, and always allow for a gracious opportunity for others to bow out.
- Be persistent—try, try, and try again until you achieve success.
Don’t let your inner saboteur get in the way of your own success—believe that you are deserving of what you want, and have the courage to ask for it.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: ask for what you want, career advice, career ask for raise, career be direct, career coach Minneapolis, how to approach your boss, how to ask for a raise, margaret smith career coach, UXL blog, UXL career coaching
July 6, 2016 Get Inspired! 11 Ways to Recharge Your Imagination and Get Motivated
I hope you had a chance to watch the fireworks over this past Independence Day weekend. I know I always find inspiration and awe when I’m watching the bright colors burst across the sky. It makes me think of possibilities and all the wonder we can find in the world if we just take the time to look.
What sparks your imagination? If you’re feeling a little lackluster lately, maybe it’s time to find inspiration in the world around you. Try a few of the following activities in the next couple weeks and reclaim your imagination and motivation!
1. Take a walk WITHOUT your cell phone. Observe the world around you and notice the different colors, shapes, types of people, houses, and landscapes.
2. Visit an art gallery and really take the time to immerse yourself in the paintings and sculptures. Get up close and look at the brush strokes or the texture of the bronze/wood/metal.
3. If you’re able, work in a new location today. Bring your laptop to a coffee shop, library, or other public area and notice how you work differently in the new environment.
4. Add some spice to your life by taking a cooking class! Enroll in a class that teaches you how to cook a brand new dish or uses a technique with which you’re unfamiliar.
5. Call an old friend. Talking with someone who you haven’t spoken with in a while can spark old memories and get your mind churning.
6. Attend a concert. Whether it’s a rock show, a piano recital, or the symphony, music can tickle parts of your brain that you don’t often use and give you a healthy dose of inspiration.
7. Talk with a child. If you’re not often around small children, the complicated and insightful things they say might take you by surprise.
8. Learn a new skill. Be it wood working, stained glass-making, or Microsoft Excel, it’s a good idea to stretch your brain and get inspired by something new.
9. Travel! Get outside your comfort zone AND your zip code. Learn about new cultures, foods, and ways of living by traveling somewhere brand new. Challenge yourself to venture outside the tourist zones and mingle with the locals.
10. Join a meet-up group with the intention of making a new friend. When we become completely entrenched in our routines, it’s hard to find room (or motivation!) for making new acquaintances. Facilitate a new friendship by joining a local meet-up group that interests you and start talking with the other attendees. Check out Meetup.com for a long lists of clubs and meet-ups.
11. Open yourself. At the core of this list is YOU. Your attitude, your outlook on life, your optimism—those are the driving forces of a truly inspired life. If you open yourself to new experiences and new ways of thinking, you’ll surely find your own personal spark of inspiration.
Good luck on your search.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: career coach Margaret Smith, find your motivation, find your spark, get inspired, ignite your imagination, Minneapolis career coach, Minnesota life coach, Twin Cities career coach, ways to find inspiration
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Changing Your Life, Goals
June 29, 2016 Managing Perfectionist Tendencies
Our society greatly emphasizes perfection, or striving toward perfection, so it’s very common for people to feel that they need to do everything without flaw. This way of thinking is taught to us right away as children when we are told things like:
“Color inside the lines.”
“Don’t wear your pants inside out.”
“Ride your bike in a straight line.”
From there, we go to school where we are not only expected to strive for perfection in academics, but also keep up with our peer group in music, sports, and the latest trends. So much pressure to appear perfect, according to others’ measurements!
Many people rebel against the pressure to be perfect, but some of us never shake it. Not that it’s inherently bad to strive for perfection—it’s just that, you have to know when to let go and let the little things slide.
The true perfectionist thinks in all-or-nothings. If something they do doesn’t live up to perfect standards (which translates to impossible standards), then they believe they are a failure and their efforts were a complete waste. This becomes a vicious cycle: the perfectionist sets unrealistic goals, fails to achieve them, feels that they failed utterly, and becomes discouraged and less confident in their ability to succeed in future endeavors.
Even when a perfectionist does great work, they have trouble seeing it as success, because their work will always appear subpar alongside the unrealistic expectations they set for themselves.
In fact, perfectionism hinders productivity as a result of this mental cycle. Those who set realistic goals are better able to perform because their goals are strategic, manageable, incremental. On the flip side, perfectionists are often so overwhelmed with their need to get everything perfect that they have trouble getting started. Perfectionist paralysis.
A few ways to get past this paralysis are to:
- Break down your task into bite-size chunks. Even breaking it up into one component per day works well. If you make a list to coincide with your breakdown, you’ll also have the pleasure of being able to check off accomplishments as you go.
- Give yourself some space from your work. This helps you keep the task in perspective. It is only a task, whatever it may be, however important, and you are not the task. Your value as a person is not tied to how well you perform.
- Provide ample time to nitpick. If you know that you fuss over the details, break your work into two general categories: the “just getting it done and not thinking” work, and the “going back over and obsessively getting it right” work. This way, you’ll be able to move forward without worrying about how perfect it is, since you know you’ll have time to get it great after it’s all thrown together.
- Know when to let it go. At some point, you’re going to need to stop your task and turn it in if it’s an assignment, deliver it if it’s a speech or presentation, or finish it in whichever other way you finish it. It will never be perfect, since nothing is perfect. You must learn to let go and trust you’ve done your best.
If perfectionist traits apply to you, remember: you simply cannot be good at everything. Some people will always be better-suited for particular skills than you. And this is okay! This is okay because your value is not determined by doing things perfectly, and if you tend to think this way, you’ll only continue to disappoint yourself. This is also okay because once you accept your weaknesses, you’ll be able to know your limits, set more reasonable goals, and hone in on the areas in which you thrive.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: career coach Margaret Smith, improve performance at work, manage perfectionism, perfectionism, perfectionist tendencies, strategies to better performance, UXL career coaching, you can't always be perfect
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Changing Your Life, Uncategorized
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