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Category Archives: Changing Your Life

March 12, 2025 How to Build Your Resilience (4 Ways)

Photo by Jef Willemyns on Unsplash

I’ve talked to many people lately who are feeling anxious, exhausted, or full of trepidation. They are like those old No. 2 pencils that have been used down to the nub. They are so worn down, they feel as if they have nothing left to give. If this is you, then I’m sure you can relate to how hopeless and fatigued you feel when you’re in this state.

Many different aspects of life can make us feel this way. We might be experiencing problems within our families, with friends, or with co-workers. Our issues might be related to finances, or maybe they’re linked to a lack of time and being stretched too thin. Our exhaustion and hopelessness may also be related to the world around us—the troubles facing our nation or the “doom and gloom” we pick up from the news or from social media. All of these factors can have a compounding effect, like rocks piled on top of our shoulders. You might not notice one or two rocks, but as troubles and annoyances pile up, the burden gets heavier and harder to bear.

With so much weight on our backs, how to we keep going? And how can we remove some of those “rocks”? One answer is to build resilience.

Building resilience does not usually happen overnight or all at once. Rather, it is a process that should be nurtured over time. Additionally, we do not have to build resilience on our own. In fact, it is a great idea to lean on your community for support. With that in mind, let’s talk about five ways to build your resilience, so you can weather life’s storms.

Step Away

Being resilient does not necessarily mean you have to fight your way through adverse situations. Rather, it can be beneficial if you take some time to distance yourself from your troubles and reflect. This could mean stepping away from your work laptop, excusing yourself from a stressful situation, or logging off and finding a quiet place to think. Physically moving yourself from one room to another can be helpful and can give you a fresh perspective.

When you step away, I encourage you to consider what is causing your stress or anxiety. What is the source? Is there anything you can do to remove or reduce this source? Can you make any changes in the immediate future that will alleviate some of your pressure or give you a break? Stepping away can give you much-needed distance to mull over solutions.

Take Meaningful Breaks

Sometimes we can be resilient through pure willpower and grit but, to me, that is not a long-term solution. When you’re worn thin, you need some time to recuperate, relax, and reenergize. You won’t be at your best if you are completely exhausted, so why not take a break and give yourself a little TLC? Keep in mind, some breaks are better than others. If you take your work laptop with you on a weekend getaway, or if you’re constantly doomscrolling during a vacation, are you really helping your wellbeing? I encourage you to unplug, distance yourself from your stressors, and take a meaningful break.

Log Off

Today, it is far too easy to get sucked into the barrage of “doom and gloom” posts and videos on social media and clickbait “news.” I’m not suggesting you bury your head in the sand and ignore the world around you, but I am suggesting that you limit your exposure to anxiety-inducing news and events. After all, what do you gain by scrolling through your feed and feeling an ever-building sense of dread? Instead, try the following:

  • Give yourself a social media time limit
  • Prioritize reputable news sources
  • Limit your exposure to emotionally charged podcasts or news shows
  • Log off!

Bonus: If you would truly like to disconnect, perhaps sign up for Vox’s newsletter called “The Logoff.” This daily newsletter delivers one concise news story, followed by an uplifting fact or link to a positive story.

Reach Out

Your community is vital when it comes to building resilience. If you have people in your life whom you can trust, confide in, and lean on when times are tough, you will feel much better equipped to weather any troubles that life throws your way. The National Resilience Strategy, put together by the White House on January 18th, 2025, details ways that communities and social circles play a crucial role in resilience. It calls these relationships “foundational” and “essential,” and says they “benefit all systems and should be valued and supported by all sectors to advance resilience.” In short, community matters.

If you’re feeling bone-tired and anxious lately, it may be a good idea to start building your resilience. Take breaks when needed, step away to re-strategize, and limit your exposure to negative or sensational news and social media. And don’t forget to ask for support along the way. You do not need to build your resilience on your own.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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February 19, 2025 Replacing Worry with Action

Worry is a normal human emotion that certainly has its place. It can help us to be more cautious, learn from mistakes, and plan. However, it can also take over our brains and our reasoning. It can paralyze us with fear, make us feel anxious, or flood us with pessimism. This type of worry isn’t productive. In fact, it’s counterproductive. But once we begin to fret about something, it can sometimes be difficult to stop.

How do we end the tailspin of worry and start moving forward productively? One way is to replace worry with action.

Why Do We Worry?

To start, it is useful to consider why we tend to worry. Worrying is all about anticipation—thinking about potential negative outcomes that might occur in the future. We worry when we sense that something bad is about to happen, or when a situation is spiraling out of control.

And sometimes we have good reason to worry. If we’ve experienced similar situations in the past, for instance, we might assume that the current situation will turn out the same. Or, all signs might point to a negative outcome. Or, we have information that indicates things will go poorly.

On the other hand, some worries come from sources that cannot necessarily be trusted. For example, if people around you are worrying about something (an office project, the housing market, the cost of eggs), that might cause you to also worry, even if their fears are unfounded. Additionally, with so much false information and clickbait flying around social media (and the internet, in general), you might find yourself worrying about things that are blown out of proportion or are downright untrue.

While someof your worries might be reasonable and rooted in facts, that doesn’t mean it pays to worry. If you get too caught up in your fears, you don’t do yourself any favors. Instead of falling down the rabbit hole, it’s better to face your worries and use them productively.

Turning Worry into Action

One of the best ways to combat worries is by converting them into actions. Start by taking the time to analyze what is causing your anxiety. Then consider whether you have any sway over the outcome.

Thinking about the root of your anxieties, ask yourself, “What steps can I take to influence the future?” For example, if you’re worried about how a client will react to a certain work project, how can you modify the project to better align with the client’s expectations? Can you give a better presentation to the client? Or redo part of the project? Could you, perhaps, express your fears to your team and ask for their advice? All of these actions are productive and can potentially have a positive impact.

Sometimes, the things that occupy our minds and cause us to worry are things that seem far beyond our control. In that case, we can acknowledge that we are not entirely in charge of the outcome, but we can do our best to move the needle in a positive direction. For example, if you are worried about the current state of politics and the government, you could put some of your energy into volunteering for political campaigns, human rights organizations, or political nonprofits. Another example: if you’re worried about children’s education in the US, you could volunteer at a school, support after-school programs, mentor a student, or donate to organizations focused on education.

Other actions you could take include talking with others about the issues you care about, blogging about them, donating time or money, or starting local or neighborhood groups. These are all great ways to focus your anxieties into action.

While you may be a small fish in a large pond, you have the power to make a difference, even in your own small sphere of influence. If you find yourself worrying about something nonstop, that may be a sign to pause, think about the root cause of your fears, and consider what small actions you could take to produce a positive outcome. Even if something feels beyond your control, your actions can still make a difference to someone (and that, alone, is huge).

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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January 8, 2025 Making a Fresh Start (Even When You’re Not Feeling So Fresh!)

It’s here: another new year and another (supposedly) clean slate. This is when people make New Year’s resolutions to hit the gym, eat healthier, limit screen time, and finally learn how to bake sourdough bread. But sometimes, those resolutions fall flat. Sometimes, they feel forced rather than genuine. How can you possibly start fresh when you don’t feel fresh?

You might not be feeling “fresh and new” for a variety of reasons. Maybe some of your troubles and projects from last year have carried over into this year. Maybe you’re dealing with ongoing interpersonal issues, tough family dynamics, or personal health struggles. Whatever the case, it can be difficult to adopt a positive attitude and step into the brand-new year with untarnished hope and energy.

If this sounds like you, I have a few thoughts about how to move past this sticking point—how to make the new year at least feel fresh, even when life is dragging you down. Let’s talk about a few logical steps you can take:

Acknowledge Obstacles Honestly

It is essential to give life’s obstacles and troubles some thought if you want to move beyond them. I suggest setting aside some time to honestly reflect on what is holding you back this year. Is a certain work project keeping you up at night? Are relationships between yourself and a family member or friend tense right now? Are you troubled by national or global issues? Once you recognize what is truly keeping you from starting fresh, you can begin to figure out ways to either overcome these setbacks OR learn to work with them.

Think Big-Picture…

Once you have a good grasp of what is holding you back, it’s a good idea to take a step back and think about the bigger picture. How important is it to overcome the obstacle? Can you overcome it? Or do you need to learn how to carry on, despite some discomfort or anxiety (in which case, it may be wise to chat with a mental health professional)? When looking at the big picture, you can begin to prioritize tackling the most pressing issues and creating strategies for dealing with them.

…But Start Small

Sometimes it can seem completely daunting to deal with a big issue that is holding you back. If that’s how you’re feeling about a certain obstacle, I encourage you to start small. Think about five bite-sized actions you can take to move the needle in a positive direction. These actions could include:

  • Sending an email you’ve been putting off
  • Placing a phone call to a co-worker, friend, or family member
  • Scheduling a meeting
  • Engaging in a half-hour planning or brainstorming session
  • Organizing and prioritizing a stack of papers
  • Adding information to a spreadsheet

What tiny actions could you add to this week’s to-do list?

Seek Support

If you’re feeling less than your best, don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, a therapist, or other trusted resources for support. Sharing your struggles and aspirations with others can provide valuable perspectives and help you feel less alone as you figure out how to move forward. Far too often, we believe we can (and should) shoulder all of life’s difficulties by ourselves, but that can lead to burnout, frustration, exhaustion, or resentment. I urge you to ask for help if and when you need it.

Though you may not be feeling “daisy fresh” at the start of the new year, it is possible to move forward in a positive and productive manner. Try some of these strategies and do your best to cultivate a positive mindset by practicing gratitude and focusing on the things you can control. Remember: you are not perfect, and no slate is ever truly clean. We can only do our best and use the tools at our disposal.

Here’s to the best new year you can manage, even if it’s not perfect!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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