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Tag Archives: Margaret Smith

May 29, 2013 Being Consistent About Being Consistent

Whether it’s achieving a personal goal, boosting your business or developing relationships, perhaps the most important ingredient to success in any of these endeavors is consistency.

That’s all well and good, but what does this look like? How do we attain it? In other words, how does a person remain consistent about being consistent?

Widening the parameters

“One of the problems with temptations,” writes professor of psychology Timothy A. Pychyl, “is that they can seem relatively harmless. It seems so reasonable and seductive to conclude that not running ‘just today’ won’t harm our long-term health goals, and that eating that jelly donut won’t ruin our weight-loss goal.”

It’s true, one jelly donut won’t make you fat. But that isn’t the point, is it? A person becomes unhealthy by repeating unhealthy behavior over time. It’s not the one jelly donut, it’s the very many “just one” jelly donuts. By keeping the parameters strictly in the present, we actually make the problem worse.

A solution is to view your actions on a wider time-scale, as links in a chain which create an overall pattern of behavior. With a broader picture of your actions in mind, it becomes clear that “just this one” is really one of a great many. Change the action at the immediate level on a daily basis, and soon you’ll change the pattern entirely.

Consistency reinforces itself

It’s sobering knowing that one bad action leads to a pattern, but the good news is that this works in the reverse too. Since behaviors come in bundles, we can modify a single action every day knowing that this will soon develop into a bigger life pattern. In other words, don’t worry about taking on a huge self-improvement project. Focus on daily actions and feel good about those.

Speaking of which, I’m sure you’ve found that feeling good about your actions is addictive. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: you don’t need to feel guilty about feeling good about yourself! Use it to your advantage.

Consistency reveals character

We’re familiar with the phrase, “actions speak louder than words.” I’m guessing you’ve also experienced that terrible disconnect between your own actions and words. This is the result of a lack of consistency. In an ideal world, what you believe and what you do should line up perfectly. We don’t live in an ideal world, so you can forget about any idea of perfection. But what you can do is work toward consistency between your inner and outer selves. Act on your principles–little things, everyday. Clean up after the messes you’ll inevitably make, apologize for your inconsistencies, but keep forming new links in positive behavior chain.

One link, everyday!

Psychology Today. “More Effective Goal Intentions: Think Width and Consistency.” Accessed May 28, 2013. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/201011/more-effective-goal-intentions-think-width-and-consistency

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January 30, 2013 On Forgiving Others (And Ourselves)

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” -Mark Twain

A recipe for bitterness, cynicism and discontent is the inability to forgive.

We must forgive. It is crucial for leading a fulfilling life. And while most of us are able to forgive others, we often have the most trouble with forgiving ourselves. This week, I want to touch on both, and talk about how and why forgiveness in all its forms is a necessary element for powerful living.

We often confuse forgiveness with pretending the offending person didn’t hurt us, or think that it means we must shove away our pain and anger into a small corner of our psyche. However, neither of these describe true forgiveness. Psychologist Clarann Goldring states that forgiveness is “letting go of the need to fix the wrong and/or get even with the person.”

You see, forgiveness is for us. You could look at it as a healthy selfishness. Goldring points out that your personal baggage “doesn’t hurt the person you’re mad at in the least. The heavy burden falls on you, often for years.” Is this a good way to live?

Again, we shouldn’t condone the actions of the person that wronged us. But notice the word “wronged” is in the past tense. It already happened, and nothing can change that. So you can choose to move on, or you can continue to let past actions poison your present life.

Yet many of us struggle far more with forgiving ourselves. Like forgiving others, the first step is accepting the reality that wrongs were committed, in this case by you. But from there, forgiving oneself is a way of getting on with life, free from burden. An article in Psychology Today on the matter states that forgiving oneself “accompanies a resolution to change one’s behavior and act differently in the future.” In other words, when we forgive ourselves, we feel more motivated to get the things done that we want to do, free from the mistakes we’ve made in the past.

For instance, we tend to procrastinate less when not bogged down in feelings of guilt and regret. Procrastination acts as a downward spiral of guilt, shame and self-fulfilling prophesy. But when we forgive ourselves for avoiding an important task early on, we reduce the emotional stress associated with procrastination, which makes us “less likely to avoid the stimulus associated with the feelings in the first place.”

It’s easy to avoid the act of forgiving. We often feel justified when we hold onto wrongdoings of the past. “I was wronged! I’m right to be angry!” we stubbornly shout. And perhaps this is true. Yet what does it change to stay angry? All it does is perpetuate the negativity that occurred in the past. The greatest part of forgiveness is the empowerment it equips you with. You may have been wronged, or you may have wronged someone else, yet you also have the power to release yourself from the “already happened.” Don’t get stuck in the past. You have too many great things to build in the “right now” that are going to demand your full focus.

References

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination

http://www.commonsensepsychology.com/forgiveness.php

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December 5, 2011 The Decline of Fulltime and the Rise of the “Joblet”

By Margaret Smith, UXL
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

According to an article titled “The Joblet Recovery” in INC. Magazine, “48 percent of Americans believe that since the financial crisis, we have become more capable of starting our own businesses.” The fact that people, post-economic slump, have gotten creative in their effort to make a living is undeniable. I, sitting here at my home office, am a living, breathing example of it. Every week I come into contact with dozens of professionals that have struck off on their own and now work as entrepreneurs, E-lancers, freelancers, and contract laborers instead of their former 9-5 employment.

In response to the market’s elimination of jobs and hesitation to reinstate new full-time positions, people all over the country are finding themselves in a situation where they’re required to wear many hats and learn to market themselves and their skills. Instead of focusing on the set list of skills they used at their previous post, individuals have begun to pursue handfuls of “joblets” that utilize a plethora of skills.

A huge part of an individual’s success as a freelancer, contract worker, or entrepreneur has to do with their ability to land a job or client. Individuals are no longer able to focus solely on their skills as they search for work. Instead, they are required to develop their ability to market themselves.

Learning to market yourself is not an easy task—not everyone has had professional sales experience, nor have they necessarily spent a lot of time on personal branding. Because of this, I have decided to share 3 important don’ts of selling that were recently published in INC. Magazine that may help the burgeoning group of self-employers to up their game:

Three things you never want to do—if you want to close (from INC. Magazine)

Do Not Dump Your Marbles on the Table:
When you enter a preliminary meeting it’s easy to be intimidated and your natural inclination may be to “get it all out,” as John Deal explains. Instead, Deal urges you “introduce yourself, and listen and figure out why they think they’re there and why you’re there.” Never recreate what’s on a brochure or become an “infomercial guy”. Get people talking to create partnerships.

Do Not Work So Hard Closing that You Close the Door:
Even if the deal does not go through, it is essential that you work to keep these potential customers or clients as advocates of your business. Deal explains that he maintains this relationship by sending Christmas cards and inviting people to receive his newsletter. “You’re making them part of your team instead of being a customer,” he says.

Do Not Be Afraid to Recommend Someone Else’s Business or Product:
Recognize when you may not fit the needs of a potential client and refrain from trying to reshape their needs to a service you offer. If you make a practice of referring them to others, you make friends in the industry. As Deal reminds us, your competitor might eventually do the same for you. If you put the best interest of your customer first, you’ll make money.”

Do you have questions about developing your brand, career, or business? Would your career benefit from informed advice about finding more customers and building a network that gives back? Contact UXL Today to transform the future of your business or career through guided professional coaching.

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