November 19, 2025 Surrounding Yourself with Kindness
You have a choice, and it’s one of the most important choices you can make: You can choose who to surround yourself with. This week, let’s talk about why the people around you matter and how to weed out toxicity (and choose kindness) in your life.
Why “Your People” Matter
Have you ever dropped food coloring into clear water? Even a few drops can taint an entire pitcher, changing it from clear to bright green, or red, or blue. And if you give it a stir, the color will take hold even quicker, disguising the clear water entirely.
This is how toxic relationships can leak into our lives. Even a single toxic individual (like a single drop of food coloring) can ruin our day, dim our joy, or make us not want to show up for work. And two or three individuals can ruin things even quicker. Even if you have a sunny personality and are able to block out some toxicity (deflecting it like a piece of cheese cloth might ward off the drops of food coloring), that toxicity has a way of eventually soaking through.
In short, who we surround ourselves with matters. If the people you see on a regular basis tend to criticize and naysay, you’ll likely find yourself drained and depleted at the end of the day. On the other hand, if you’re surrounded by people who cheer you on, believe in you, and regularly uplift you, you’ll likely feel more energized, fortified, and affirmed.
Therapist John Kim wrote in a Psychology Today article, “…ask yourself who around you is draining you, sucking your energy and taking you hostage, making you feel insecure and less than, not supporting you and your story. What relationships in your life are lopsided? But more importantly, what you are going to do about it?”
What to Do About It
It can be difficult to know how to deal with a person (or people) who are, frankly, jerks. You might not be able to avoid a particular co-worker, for instance, or you might have to occasionally deal with a toxic friend or family member. However, there are a few proactive steps you can take:
Set Boundaries
If a friend is constantly dimming your light, you can choose to limit the time you spend with that person. If a co-worker is always naysaying ideas, you can push back with positivity (“Okay, we’ve heard from Susan what won’t work for this project. Who has an idea about what could work?”). Or, you might try to limit your interactions with them (scheduling fewer meetings, opting to only answer their emails once per day, etc.).
Surround Yourself with Kindness
Though we can’t always pick who we interact with, we can at times. You have the power to choose friends who uplift you and cheer you on. You can spend your time in committees and social groups that are positive and affirming, rather than ones that gossip and/or tear others down. You can also choose (in some cases) to focus your time on co-workers and family members who you enjoy being around. Remember: you are not obligated to upkeep friendships or acquaintances, just because you have known the other person for a long time. Sometimes, it’s okay to prune certain relationships from your life.
Talk Things Over
In certain cases, such as with close friends, family, or co-workers you see regularly, you may want to engage in a conversation about how they show up. John Kim suggests to “come from a place of care and concern, then tell them how their actions and energy are impacting you and the relationship.” Accusations and insults will lead nowhere, but constructive feedback could. It could be that the other person is unaware of how their words or actions are affecting you. Or maybe they are going through a rough patch and inadvertently taking out their frustrations on the people around them. A gentle and tactful conversation might illuminate those things for them.
Don’t let your well become tainted with toxicity! Understand how impactful the people around you can be and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and infuse your life with positivity. You probably have more power over who you allow into your life than you realize.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
Tags: Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker, positive people in life, positive presence, setting boundaries, surround yourself with kindness
November 5, 2025 Stop Waiting for Permission
Are you waiting for a “sign” to take that next big step or shift your life in a new direction? Have you been hoping your boss will give you a promotion? Or the go-ahead to pursue an exciting new project? Or maybe you’re waiting for circumstances to be “just right” before acting.
Unfortunately, you might be waiting a very long time for “that thing” to materialize. Instead, I encourage you to stop waiting for permission and just go for it. Take the leap.
Trained to Wait
Many of us have grown accustomed to waiting for permission. As school kids, we had to ask permission for everything—from going to the bathroom to using craft supplies during break. In the office, we might need to ask permission for a budget increase, implementing a new marketing strategy, or focusing on an out-of-the-box area. Many initiatives need multiple people to give their stamps of approval before they can go forward.
We have become used to waiting and hoping things will move forward.
But if we apply this mentality to ourselves, we might simply stall out or become stagnant. The promotion might never come, the dream project might pass us by, we might remain stuck on a path that isn’t quite right for us. Sometimes, we have to be the ones to power our own engines and light our own paths. We can’t count on someone else to do it for us.
Taking a Leap
Just “going for it” can sometimes be scary. As a career coach, I’ve talked with many people who wanted to pursue an entirely different career path, but they were frozen with fear. What if they failed? What if they didn’t end up liking the new path? Or had to take a temporary pay cut? With so many doubts, their inclination was often to wait “until the time was right.” But, guess what? The time was never “right.” They could always point to some obstacle or inconvenience that held them back.
Rather than change their circumstances, they mainly had to change their perspectives. They had to realize that no one was going to come to them and say, “You now have permission to switch career paths.” They had to be the ones taking the initiative and, eventually, taking the leap.
That didn’t mean they couldn’t prepare for the leap. Just the opposite, in fact. Once they decided they would, indeed, make the change they had been waiting to make, they could take steps to facilitate it. That might mean saving extra money, taking classes, or learning a new skill. They were actively working toward making the change, rather than waiting for permission to do so.
Going For It
What are you waiting on in your life? Are you hoping to introduce an exciting initiative to your company? Do you want to shift your responsibilities at work? Learn how to paint? Travel to a new country? Change careers? Hike the Camino trail in Spain? Get a raise or a title change?
No matter your ambitions, it’s important to realize that opportunities rarely land in one’s lap. Instead of waiting for someone to give you permission, ACT. Instead of hoping change will happen, FACILITATE that change. Believe that your future is in your hands, and go for it. The timing will never be perfect, so why not start now?
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
Tags: don't wait for the right time, go for your dreams, margaret smith career coach, Margaret Smith life coach, stop waiting for permission, take the leap
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Changing Your Life, Goals
October 22, 2025 Why Open Yourself to Others’ Perspectives?
As we grow older, we might get wiser…or we might become more set in our ways! Sometimes, our openness and curiosity diminish, and we find ourselves with set preferences and perspectives. That can lead to shutting down others or making snap judgments about another’s ideas, behaviors, or points of view. And we might not even realize we’re doing it.
The Harm in Rigid Thinking
Being set in your ways limits you. You close yourself off to whole worlds of thinking, and you erroneously believe that your way is the “only” way or the “right” way. This can be damaging in any office setting, no matter the industry. And this can be doubly damaging if you are in a leadership position (either formally or as an informal team leader). Companies can never reach their full potential if ideas and perspectives are limited. Creativity and innovation is how you open new doors, reach new markets, and stay relevant.
Companies and leaders that live by “it’s always been done this way” are too inflexible to deal with any major changes. And the truth is, change is inevitable. Whether a company is dealing with a pandemic, changing market tastes, new technology, or any other foundation-shaking change, it’s necessary to roll with the punches, rethink the current system, and try new approaches.
Embracing Other Perspectives
This is why it’s so crucial to open yourself to others’ viewpoints and voices. When we make snap judgments, we close doors. When we’re uncomfortable with someone’s ideas, perspective, or even the way they are saying something, we might think or say things like:
“That will never work”
“No one will go for that”
“This isn’t in the spirit of the company” (Or: “this doesn’t embrace the company’s culture”)
“We don’t do things that way”
When you catch yourself closing to others’ ideas or making immediate judgments, it’s a good idea to pause. Acknowledge your bias or discomfort. Then, ask yourself, “What if…”
“What if this idea does have merit?”
“What if others agree, and I just haven’t realized it?”
“What if it’s time to reshape company culture?”
“What if the company can start modifying its approaches and try something new?”
The other important element in opening yourself to alternative perspectives is becoming an attentive listener. Instead of immediately coming up with a response, take the time to truly listen, absorb what is being said, and genuinely consider it.
Workplaces function best when everyone participates. When you promote a true “marketplace” of ideas, you open the door to all kinds of creative solutions, innovations, and new opportunities. As a leader, you play an important role in establishing the kind of open and welcoming atmosphere that considers new ideas, listens to everyone’s thoughts, and isn’t afraid to depart from the “same old” way of doing things. Start making an effort to open doors for others, instead of keeping them closed and locked.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: alternate viewpoints, better ideas and creativity, consider others POVs, margaret smith career coach, margaret smith leadership, open yourself to others perspectives, value others perspectives
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Communication, Teamwork
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