Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

June 6, 2012 Creative Ways to Say “No”

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

In life, there is one fact that is without a doubt true: your time is priceless. Because of this, it’s important to make sure that time is spent on the things most important to you and your long-term priorities. Are you using your time in a way that reflects your values and skills?

In order to help you make sure that you use your time meaningfully, I’ve compiled a list of creative ways to suavely decline the requests of others. Although it’s important to offer your time and support to those around you, whether at work or in your personal life, it’s also paramount that you say “no” for your own goals (and sanity!).

13 Ways to Artfully Decline

“I’m really not the best fit for __________.”
“This sounds like a great opportunity, but my schedule is packed.”
 “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“I really can’t do that right now, but have you considered __________?”
 “I’m sorry, but I’m only taking on work related to _________ right now.”
 “I’d like to help you, but my schedule won’t allow any new projects.”
 “It’s against my personal policy to __________.”
 “Thanks for asking, but I really can’t.”
 “I can’t take this on for personal reasons.”
 “I have other commitments.”
 “I can’t take on another project at this time.”
 “I know you would like my help with __________, but I won’t be able to do so unless/until __________.”
 “I wish I could, but as a rule I don’t __________.”

I hope that these easy responses help you to take more control of your time and your schedule. Remember, you shouldn’t consider saying “yes” unless you’re enthusiastic about the project and the way that it aligns to your values and priorities.

Tags: , , , ,

May 30, 2012 How to Ask for What you Want

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

A common idiom I return to time and time again concerns the power of asking for what you want: You don’t get what you don’t ask for. As I’ve made my way through the complex challenges of the professional world, as both a senior leader at 3M and now as an entrepreneur, I’ve always come back to this little lesson.

It seems as though we spend an awful lot of time considering what we want—willing our reality to change on its own. But until we accept the fact that asking for it is the fastest (and sometimes the only) way to get what we want, we’ll be stuck in dreamland waiting for our wishes to be granted.

Often, we’re hesitant to ask for what we want. This hesitation can stem from a fear of being vulnerable or unworthy, or the belief that successful people never ask for help. All of these fears continue to work within us to maintain the status quo and prevent that dreaded, scary, risky change that’s necessary for a bigger and better life.

Don’t let your pride keep you from asking for what you want. And remember that at times it is absolutely necessary to ask for help—you don’t have to do everything on your own!

So how can you improve your ability to ask for what you want? By seeking out the areas where you desire change and beginning to ask for these things often, and with purpose. Now if only this were as simply and easy as it sounds! To help combat the hesitation to ask for what you want, I’ve gathered some important truths.

>> Most successful people have the help of others to thank for their own success. These people are typically happy to share advice and lend a hand.

>> Be honest with yourself about your current dreams and needs—know what you want.

>> Seek support from the experts and professionals around you who can best support your goals.

>> Always believe that what you’re asking for is very possible.

>> Be genuine about your wants and honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses.

>> Consider sending an email to introduce yourself to those who you think may be of service. Outline your needs and offer support.

>> Always be passionate about what you request.

>> Never let fear prevent you from acting.

>> Anticipate that not everyone will be able or willing to help, and always allow for a gracious opportunity for others to bow out.

>> Be persistent—try, try, and try again until you achieve success.

Don’t let your inner saboteur get in the way of your own success—believe that you are deserving of what you want, and have the courage to ask for it.

Tags: , ,

May 23, 2012 Musings from a Week with My Mother

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

I had the opportunity to spend this past week with my mother. She’s 82 and still has the ability to teach me something if I just watch and listen. Below are just a few of the things I learned.

1) Slow down: She doesn’t walk as fast as I do anymore. Rather than forcing her to try to keep up, I walked beside her. It’s amazing what you see and how much less stressed you look when you just go a little slower. We still got everything done we needed to and got where we had to be on time.

2) Read to children: My mother is a retired second grade teacher, the mother of 5, and grandmother of 14. Therefore, she has a lot of experience with this. Every afternoon two of my neighbors girls, ages 4 and 7 came over for reading time. They sat on my front porch and just read and talked: Curious George, The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, Wing a Ding, The Song and Dance Man (one of my favorites), and Old Henry. The pile grew as the week went by and so did her anticipation of the door bell ringing. I swear she got 10 years younger every time they showed up!

3) Exercise every day: My mother wasn’t a jazzercise freak or a health club junkie as I was growing upl. She chased 5 kids around, gardened, raised chickens, and drove the tractor for my father as he baled hay. They were city kids who moved out to the farm and dove headfirst. My dad was a chemical engineer for Du Pont who took his tie off in the car on his way home and was on the tractor in 15 minutes. My mom walked every day while she was here, even if it was just around the block, and did some sit ups and few good stretches. No one can call her sedentary.

4) Only eat until you’re full: I’ll never forget how she would load our plates with food and then make sure we cleaned them, no leaving anything—even those peas I hate—on the plate! Her secret now is slightly different: Only put a small portion of food on your plate, and don’t go back for seconds you probably don’t really need. She’s now in better shape than she was at 52.

5) Ask for help and appreciate it: It seems easy when you are 82. Everyone will hold a door, pick up a bag, take your suitcase off the carousel—my mother’s a great delegator. Her philosophy is similar to the quote I use with my boys, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for.” Well, maybe I should listen to my own advice. My mother got more help from strangers simply by asking and showing appreciation, smiling and joking with people, than most of us do from our own families.

6) Be “the face” for your children and grandchildren: She would always remind us, “if you don’t know what to do or if what you are about to do is right or wrong, just envision my face coming in front of you, you’ll know what to do.” My boys remember this advice, and have told me numerous times it saved them from making stupid decisions. We see parents every day doing dumb things in front of their children, using language that I’d be embarrassed for my mother to hear, so why are we surprised when kids act the same way? I’m glad my boys have my mother’s face to keep them focused on being and doing good.

7) Give away what you don’t use: Look in your closet and cupboards. Why do we have all that stuff?! Is it holding you back or holding you down? Could you have spent that money on a vacation or helping someone that really needed it? Mom’s reduced her ‘stuff’ dramatically over the past 5 years, giving most of what she doesn’t use to a local mission. Having her with me this week made me want to clean out a few closets, which I plan on doing  tomorrow!

The lessons I learn from my mother span on and on, but the 7 listed above are a great start. These lessons help me to realize the impact she made on all of us, and not just the people that live in my house. Her smile and willingness to get involved and reach out was an inspiration. I can’t wait until I get another week with her.

I hope that this story helps you to make the most of the people in your life, and lessons they have to offer.

Margaret

Tags: , ,