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“Creating Successful Leaders”

September 19, 2012 How To Manage Perfectionist Tendencies

Last post’s emphasis was on procrastination, but also touched on how perfectionism comes into play. I figured going more into perfectionist tendencies would be a good idea, as I see it as a negative force in many people’s lives.

Our society greatly emphasizes perfection, or striving toward perfection, so it’s very common for people to feel that they need to do everything without flaw.

The perfectionist thinks in all-or-nothings. If something they do doesn’t live up to perfect standards (which, if you read the previous post, translates to impossible standards), then they believe they are a failure and their efforts were a complete waste. This becomes a vicious cycle: the perfectionist sets unrealistic goals, fails to achieve them, feels that they failed utterly, and becomes discouraged and less confident in their ability to succeed in future endeavors.

Even when a perfectionist does great work, they have trouble seeing it as success, because their work will always appear sub par alongside the unrealistic expectations they set for themselves.

In fact, perfectionism hinders productivity as a result of this mental cycle. Those who set realistic goals are more able to perform because their goals are strategic, manageable, incremental. On the flip side, perfectionists are often so overwhelmed with their need to get everything perfect that they have trouble getting started. Perfectionist paralysis.

A few ways to get past this paralysis are:

1. Breaking down your task into bite-size chunks. Even breaking it up into one component per day works well. If you make a list to coincide with your breakdown, you’ll also have the pleasure of being able to check off accomplishments as you go.

2. Giving yourself some space from your work. This helps you keep the task in perspective. It is only a task, whatever it may be, however important, and you are not the task. Your value as a person is not tied to how well you perform.

3. Providing ample time to nitpick. If you know that you fuss over the details, break your work into two general categories: the “just getting it done and not thinking” work, and the “going back over and obsessively getting it right” work. This way, you’ll be able to move forward without worrying about how perfect it is, since you know you’ll have time to get it great after it’s all thrown together.

4. Knowing when to let it go. At some point, you’re going to need to stop your task and turn it in if it’s an assignment, deliver it if it’s a speech or presentation, or finish it in whichever other way you finish it. It will never be perfect, since nothing is perfect. You must learn to let go and trust you’ve done your best.

If perfectionist traits apply to you, remember: you simply cannot be good at everything. Some people will always be better-suited for particular skills than you. And this is okay! This is okay because your value is not determined by doing things perfectly, and if you tend to think this way, you’ll only continue to feel disappointed in yourself. This is also okay because once you accept your weaknesses, you’ll be able to know your limits, set more reasonable goals, and hone in on the areas in which you thrive.

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September 12, 2012 A Post On Procrastination (If You Get Around To Reading It)

Most of us can identify with the term “procrastinator.” When a deadline looms on the horizon, when unpaid bills begin to pile up on the desk, when the task at the top of the priority list nibbles at the back of our brains, a very common inclination is to just put it off. “Tomorrow, I’ll get going on the house project,” we tell ourselves. “Next week I’ll tackle that research for the upcoming presentation.” From experience, we know that procrastination leads to feelings of anxiety, guilt and low self-esteem. So why do we keep putting ourselves through this?

John Perry, Professor of philosophy at Stanford University, tackles the problem of procrastination in his book, The Art of Procrastination. His big idea is that we should turn procrastination into a positive habit with what he calls structured procrastination.

All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this negative trait work for you.  (2012)

Perry continues, stating that procrastinating “does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, such as gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it.” Becoming aware of this minimizes the voice in our head that tells us we are lazy or unproductive. Instead of feeling depressed over procrastinating on one task, we can point to a whole heap of accomplished tasks that demonstrate how useful and effective we really are. These may not be the things we were “supposed” to have been doing, but any accomplished goal warrants feeling good about.

Yet how should the procrastinator deal with the big, scary, looming task itself? Perry suspects that procrastination may in fact be the result of perfectionism: “Many procrastinators do not realize that they are perfectionists, for the simple reason that we have never done anything perfectly or even nearly so.” Perfectionism “is a matter of fantasy, not reality.”

Often the procrastinator feels paralyzed by the unrealistically high standards they set for themselves. The project feels too big; it seems unclear where to even begin.  And as the days toward the deadline fly by, the procrastinator busies themselves with other tasks as a way to justify not working on what they are supposed to be working on.

To combat this, we should do a bit of a reality check: “You have to get into the habit of forcing yourself to analyze, at the time you accept a task, the costs and benefits of doing a less-than-perfect job.” In other words, we need to implement a realistic perspective of our abilities and time constraints. To do this, we must first realize that the fantasy of perfection is just that: a fantasy. More often than not, “a less-than-perfect job will do just fine,” says Perry. This is not to advocate mediocre work. Instead, this outlook points out the simple fact that nobody on the face of the planet has ever done anything perfectly. With this in mind, it becomes easier for the procrastinator (who very well may also be the perfectionist) to free themselves from unrealistic fantasies, and sit down and get to work.

All in all, procrastination can be a negative force in your life if you make it one. Or, it can be a helpful tool. If you’re feeling rotten about having put off something important, make a list of all the things you’ve accomplished during this time. You may surprise yourself with how big the list can get. Allow yourself to feel good about these accomplishments! Were you doing all those things to avoid something else? Perhaps, but that doesn’t take away from the good work you’ve done in other areas of your life. Now you have positive momentum, so use it to start the thing you’ve been avoiding. Free yourself from the fantasy of perfection, and be confident that by stressing over the work, you’re demonstrating that you care about the outcome. Good work will follow.

Perry, John. Date. The Art of Procrastination. New York: Workman Publishing Company, Inc.

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September 4, 2012 Body Language, And Why It’s Important

Body language has the ability to speak volumes when we communicate with others, often making a stronger impression in their memory than our words. In fact, 55% of communication comes from body language.  It’s important to be aware of how your posture, facial expressions and eye movement affect your overall impression when talking to a client or shooting for the big promotion.

Most of us understand body language very well and assume we also possess good “body speak.” However, you’d be surprised how many people I encounter who could work on this very important skill. Take a person involved in a team meeting for instance, who, rather than stay engaged in conversation and not miss opportunities to share in amazing problem solving, instead becomes overwhelmed with his Blackberry.

The reason why body language is so powerful is because it mirrors your internal thoughts and feelings. To illustrate this, let’s go over the what’s, how’s and why’s of positive body language.

Eye contact (or lack thereof) shows how attentive you are. Maintaining eye contact throughout a conversation clearly tells the other person that you care about them, that you’re listening, and that you are trying to form a connection with them. On the flip side, frequently losing eye contact to little distractions suggests that the person before you is only slightly more interesting than other things going on around you. Don’t do this! Prove you’re listening through your steady, confident gaze.  It’s okay to blink!

Keeping your body turned toward the person you’re speaking with is a physical sign that you are opening yourself up to them, ready to devote your time and full attention. It gives off the impression that your guard is down, that you trust them, and that they are welcome. This may sound like a no-brainer, but the alternative to this stance—having your body turned partially away—gives off a defensive signal, so you’ll want to be aware of how you sit/stand.

Your hands…what to do with them? To piggyback on the above point, your hands, arms and shoulders should coincide with your open body stance in order to say, “You are welcome, I trust you, and you are worth my time.” Crossed arms, tensed shoulders and fidgety hands display discomfort and/or distrust. This is a big no-no! Keep those shoulders relaxed and those arms open. Particularly, crossing your arms conveys a judgmental attitude; conversation is all about finding common ground, and you won’t be able to do this unless your body shows that you’re willing.

While these may seem obvious, it is never a bad idea to brush up on your skills. Here are a few less obvious body language cues which may take time to become aware of and utilize, but are of equal importance:

Being still. It is easy to get tensed up and fidgety, especially when you’re in an interview or giving a presentation. Maintaining a calm, relaxed stance in any situation shows confidence when you speak and provides comfort and welcoming when you listen. The trick? Breathe! Slow, deep breaths calm you, allowing you to be still, engaging, attentive. 

Nodding. Nodding is the universal “I follow you” sign. How can you possibly mess up something so simple? One word: Speed. Overly-fast, excessive nodding can be overwhelming and distracting to the person you’re speaking with. It also gives off the impression that you’re impatient, rushing them to the finish. This can make for a jarring experience for the other person. Instead, nod only when you really do agree or follow, and ask strong questions when you do not. Like the point above, when you do nod, it should be slow, calm, smooth. 

Leaning forward. You’ll find that you do this naturally when you’re engaged in something, be it a conversation, a ball game or your favorite TV show. Leaning backward communicates that you’re hesitant to engage with a person in conversation.

These small body cues go a long way. They help a person remember you, and if your body language is positive, the memory of their experience with you will follow. Practice these skills in front of a mirror, or with a partner. But also make an effort to become more aware of other people’s body language as you go about your day. How did certain poses, expressions, or behaviors make you feel? Paying attention to these cues will help you hone in on your own body language, and you can tweak your skills from there.

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