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“Creating Successful Leaders”

October 24, 2012 5 Ways To Get ‘Unstuck’ From Life Ruts

When you’re in a rut–be it in a job, in between jobs or just in general–becoming “unstuck” can be very difficult. While in this position, you may feel trapped, unmotivated or defeated. You may be tempted to settle. Don’t!

We all get in ruts, at times feeling trapped by our circumstances, and this is okay. However, the worst thing to do in this situation is to remain engaged in whatever it is that is making you unsatisfied. Something needs changing and changing takes action. Today, I’ll give you five tried and true ways to free yourself from the funk so you can get back to living a rewarding life.

Get out of the comfort zone! Often the real cause of feeling stuck comes from the very habits we’ve created to be more comfortable. Our comfort zone feels good, but also has the potential to keep us from experiencing life. When we see too much of the same thing day after day, it’s easy to fall into the doldrums. Do something new! Get involved in an activity you’ve never tried. Give it a shot even if you’ve failed at it in the past. In doing so, you’ll prove to yourself that you’re adaptable, resilient to setbacks and who knows, maybe you’ll find a talent or passion you weren’t ever aware of. Why not try dance?

Exercise, exercise, exercise We often forget the brain is part of the body, and the body was made to move. Research continues to confirm that the brain performs better and we feel better when we exercise.1 Whether it’s yoga, jogging, taking a walk or lifting weights, daily physical activity will motivate you to get out of the funk by stimulating your brain.

Travel somewhere new

Like exercise, travel stimulates the brain as well, (probably due to the fact that we humans were nomadic creatures not too long ago). It’s in our nature to crave a change of scenery. It doesn’t need to be an expensive, extravagant trip. It can be something as simple as a weekend trek to a neighboring state, a train ride across the country, or a camping adventure with the family.

Make a point to be kind to those around you This obvious step is easily ignored when we get trapped in ruts. We become so wrapped up in ourselves, we forget to reach out and engage with others. Taking time at work, at home, and with friends to connect and share is one of the best ways to enrich your life. Kindness is reciprocal, after all.

Try to read for pleasure (everyday!) Reading for pleasure forces your brain to create entire worlds out of thin air, and books offer differing perspectives on life that you may have never considered. What’s more, reading gives you time to recover from exercise and have a moment to yourself, and works as a great sleeping aid if you get into the habit of reading right before bed.

These suggestions promote positive change, but the key to each of these is your attitude. You must eliminate the words “wish, hope, maybe and should” from your vocabulary and replace them with “can, will and do.” Feeling stuck is temporary and common, and you have the power to get yourself out of it. Trust that you will!

1 “The Human Brain,” The Franklin Institute, accessed October 22, 2012, http://www.fi.edu/learn/brain/exercise.html

2 “Staying on Top of Your Game,” Psychology Foundation of Canada, accessed October 22, 2012, http://www.psychologyfoundation.org/pdf/TopOfYourGame/3.pdf

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October 17, 2012 Taking A Breath

Cell phones, e-mail and the internet were intended to help ease the stress of life, yet it would appear they actually make the work week longer, the pool of contacts larger, and the deadlines closer together.  We instinctively fight to stay afloat, throwing ourselves through all sorts of hoops without a moment’s rest. After all, how can we expect to take even a moment for ourselves when our to-do pile grows bigger by the minute?

We can, and we should, insists Nance Guilmartin in her book, The Power of Pause. Herein she argues that pausing before undergoing a task gives you a better shot at success, in that it provides you with the opportunity to reflect, weigh options and make judgment calls uninfluenced by charged emotions:

“We’re quick to say yes to someone’s request because we don’t think we have a choice. We just hit the Reply All or Send button on an e-mail instead of considering our options, picking up the phone, or walking down the hall. We jump to conclusions based on assumptions, expectations, or wished-for outcomes that are frequently far from reality.”

Taking a step back while under stress is counter intuitive and takes practice to master. Yet, whether you wait a minute, an hour, or a day, “your ability to make better choices is sharpened, and that can lead to significantly better results for you and for your clients,” says Guilmartin.

A moment of pause enables us to see the big picture of our circumstances. An angry e-mail from a client, for example, seems to demand immediate reply. But is action without true pause the best route to take in this situation? No, Guilmartin says, because during a stressful, disagreeable exchange, the chance is high that our emotions will get in the way of maintaining good relationships with those around us.

In a situation such as this, a pause allots us time to ask key questions aimed at the heart of our stress. To do this, Guilmartin suggests that “you use a simple phrase to help you shift from jumping to a conclusion, even if you think you are right and have the facts. Ask yourself this seven-word question: What don’t I know I don’t know?”

In other words, are we missing something important we haven’t considered? In the angry client e-mail example, it could be we didn’t communicate sufficiently with the client at the outset or some important detail was lost in the shuffle.  Pausing to reevaluate both what went wrong and how to respond will optimize the chances of moving forward with the client in a fair, productive manner.

Not only does Guilmartin’s approach make sense, it’s backed by research as well. Bernard Benson, M.D., of Mind/Body Medical Institute explains what’s happening in our brains when we pause in the midst of daily work:

“…by completely letting go of a problem at that point by applying certain triggers, the brain actually rearranges itself so that the hemispheres communicate better. Then the brain is better able to solve the problem…As the brain quiets down, another phenomenon that we call ‘calm commotion’ or a focused increase in activity takes place in the areas of the brain associated with attention, space-time concepts and decision making.”

To put it another way, pausing actually increases brain performance. The next time you’re faced with overwhelming circumstances, remember that you have the choice to take a time-out. I encourage you take it. In so doing, you’ll give yourself the gift of perspective, time to weigh your options, and a moment to clarify your goals. Not only do you have this choice, even though it may not seem like it at the time, research shows that choosing to slow down helps you in the long run.

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Herbert Benson, “Are You Working Too Hard?” Harvard Business Review, November 2005, 54-56.

Nance Guilmartin, The Power of Pause: How to Be More Effective in a Demanding, 24/7 World (San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2010), 36, 153.

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October 10, 2012 Slaying The Mythical Dream Job Beast

What To Do With My Life?  This is the feared question–poking at the backs of our brains, causing lost sleep, nibbled nails, much contemplation, option-weighing and stressing…

And it’s a question that is rarely answered, because it’s an unfair question to ask ourselves. It’s far too broad, as it assumes that we can know the future.  It assumes that satisfaction in life comes from finding the “dream job,” and once we find this mythical creature, our search for meaning and happiness will be fulfilled once and for all.

In reality, there are no dream jobs. Well, let me step back and clarify: there are no perfect jobs. Those who’d call their job a “dream job” create their sense of satisfaction for themselves, as opposed to searching passively for a perfect fit. Every job has its drawbacks and annoyances, yet every job also has potential to be satisfying. It’s all about how you look at it.

So, how do we find a rewarding, challenging, fulfilling job when this daunting question seems so large and unanswerable?

Ask a new question: What can I do today that satisfies my needs and desires?

Claremount Graduate University psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi introduces a new term to the discussion, “flow,” to describe the phenomenon of people losing themselves in the moment while doing activities they enjoy:

People in flow may be sewing up a storm, doing brain surgery, playing a musical instrument or working a hard puzzle with their child. The impact is the same: A life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction, Csikszentmihalyi says. And you don’t have to be a hotshot to get there.

Ostensibly, flow happens during any activity, the key being that it allows us to turn off the brain and exist within the moment. We can all think of examples in lives that demonstrate “flow.” Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, writing reports or doing roadside construction, we’ve all had the experience of being so immersed in a task that we’d lost track of time, or suddenly realized that we hadn’t given a second thought to daily life stresses. Applying this concept to the “dream job” question offers a few insights:

Refocusing your search to the small, seemingly “inconsequential” tasks that you enjoy will reap big rewards. When flow kicks in, we don’t worry over what the future holds or how we compare to the next guy. Instead, we focus on the task at hand and are rewarded by the immediacy of the experience. In this way, you should pursue jobs that emphasize actions that you tend to get lost in. Be it art, business, education or horseshoeing, don’t be afraid to chase after the things that allow you to lose track of the time.

If you’re in the career you love, but have experienced feelings of disillusionment or boredom, remember: any job has aspects that you can make your own. If you are a salesperson, make a point to become as invested in your customers as you can be. If you are a computer programmer, do everything in your power to make the most efficient, elegant program. Whatever it is, don’t let boredom or routine distract you from the great gift you have.

If you are unemployed now, don’t let perceived “failures” to land a job detract from the other great opportunities life offers. You are just as capable as any other person to experience life’s beauty. Keep looking for work, and don’t let rejection take hold of your principles. At the same time, use the time you have to get lost in other great tasks. This can be difficult, I know. It is hard to enjoy things in the moment when you constantly worry about making payments or supporting a family. Even so, if you keep trying and putting forth your best self, chances are you’ll land back on your feet eventually.  And when you are, you’ll look back on your time of unemployment as a time of reflection and re-positioning. And you’ll be better because of it.

Remember: life isn’t tomorrow, it’s right now. Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert agrees, stating: “If you knew exactly what the future held, you still wouldn’t know how much you would like it when you got there.” Thus, live in flow today!

USA Today. “Psychologists now know what makes people happy.” Last modified December 10, 2002. Accessed October 9, 2012. http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2002-12-8-happy-main_x.htm

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