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“Creating Successful Leaders”

January 9, 2013 Empathy: The “Glue” to Any Good Community

Last week I talked about the importance of community, tracing it all the way back to our first ancestors. This week I’d like to follow up on the topic and focus in particular on how empathy is the “glue” that binds all successful communities together.

Empathy itself is great, but it is empathetic action that makes all the difference. A team of psychologists and researchers recently came out with a book titled, “The Compassion Instinct.” Among many other interesting insights, they lay out some active steps to making a community truly grow:

1. Plug in! 

“People who give to others give healthier, happier lives to themselves.”

Service is key to any successful community. Join a cause you believe in, volunteer at a food shelter or be a mentor to young people. Don’t just send checks in the mail to a charity. You need to actually get out and get your hands dirty in order to cultivate strong bonds between other people. Community is based on this type of service, and you will feel more alive when you take part in other people’s lives in your neighborhood, your church and your workplace. And, speaking of workplaces…

2. Break the rule of leaving your personal problems out of the workplace.

“Many workers assume that they are supposed to check their personal problems at the door when they enter the office.” 

The book mentions how employer-employee relations have steadily declined since the 1980s due to increased globalization and competition between companies, which led to more lay-offs across the board. Thus, it’s common to be suspicious and distrustful of your boss nowadays, and you certainly don’t want to bring your own baggage into the office, lest you want to risk appearing unprofessional.

However, the research shows that companies do better when their employees feel connected, cared for and appreciated. Therefore, it is not only healthy for you to become close with your co-workers, it also will make a difference in productivity and innovation. The challenge is the risk you take by attempting to create community at work: for it to be successful, you must let your guard down. Which leads to the final point…

3. Trust in others!

“Trust is an intrinsic part of human nature…most simply defined as the expectation that other people’s future actions will safeguard our interests.”

It’s easy to see why trust has declined in the country for some time now. We are skeptical of politics, companies, advertisements, banks, and even our neighbors. And for good reason, I might add. How many Watergate-type scandals, corporate fraud news headlines and stories of mild-mannered folks becoming violent are we expected to endure and still put our faith in others?

Yet the solution to these problems, horrible and scary as they are, is not to shield ourselves even more. Quite the opposite, actually. We need to put faith in our peers enthusiastically, not reluctantly. We won’t think they’ll pull through, we’ll expect them to! Trust is the one ingredient above all others that enables us to thrive in our communities. And it starts at a person-to-person level.

Keltner, Dacher, Marsh, Jason and Jeremy Adam Smith, eds., The Compassion Instinct (New York: W.W. Norton and Company, 2010)

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January 2, 2013 Becoming A Better Community Builder

We are social creatures. Take a moment to consider where we would be without our ability to work together. Let’s go back, way back, to the very first humans. What did they have to contend with? Large, carnivorous beasts? Check. Extreme climates and unpredictable weather patterns? Check. Other human-like primates fighting for land? Oh yeah.

Now, consider the average human being. Between 5-6 feet tall, mostly hairless, not too strong. Any common wild animal could tear a person apart. Humans can’t fly, aren’t especially fast runners. No claws, no sharp teeth, no protective shielding for their soft skin. Compared to most other successful creatures on the planet, we humans are pretty weak.

So why, when we look anywhere on the globe today, are humans the clear top dogs?

Community.

We are more intelligent than other animals, yes, but it was our ability to use our bigger brains to cooperate that made all the difference.

Don’t worry, this hasn’t turned into an anthropology blog. I’m looking back in time in order to give clarity to the state of the typical modern life. Much of our stress, unhappiness and discontent can be traced back to an imbalance in community, a neglect of maintaining our life teams.

In many ways, we’ve fashioned little protective cocoons in all areas of living today. We drive in heated, wheeled boxes we call cars, we plug into portable musical devices at all waking hours, we’re more concerned  with our smartphones than we are with what’s going on in our immediate vicinity. Behaviors like these can work against our need for vibrant community.

So how do we return to what made us successful as a species in the first place?

1. Be Present. Think about your average day, and take note of the times you spend “plugged in” on phones, computers or music devices. Limit yourself to using these devices only when you need them. It’s also fine to give yourself a little free time for web surfing or phone games, but keep track of how often you plug in for fun, and always give your attention to what’s going on around you over what’s happening online. Make a point to engage in the moment, wherever you are. Being present allows you to see the opportunities for connection all around you. And when you’re present, others will feed off this, which creates an environment ripe for community-building.

2. Become a key part of a group. Strong communities are ones which utilize the strengths of every individual in order to achieve a common goal. Hopefully you know your strengths (and if you don’t, check out the Insights assessment on my site!), and can be able to see where your skills or abilities would help others.

3. Stay proactive about meeting people, spending time with people, and sharing your life with those around you. The hardest part about belonging to a strong community is the work and maintenance involved. Many people have marveled at how strong my relationship with my neighbors is. We have numerous neighborhood parties, cook-outs and traditions. Our doors are always open, and none of us hesitate to ask to borrow some brown sugar or a snow shovel. I always tell people who ask that this didn’t just happen. We all have to plan and really work to keep the traditions going. We also have to be present during tough times, ready to assist each other even when we ourselves are swamped with tasks. But it’s all worth it.

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December 28, 2012 Making New Years Resolutions?

We’ve almost wrapped up 2012, and 2013 is quickly approaching. Consequently, New Years resolutions are on many of our minds. Have you made any? If you haven’t, that’s okay. In fact, I think we tend to make resolutions just to feel better about ourselves, which isn’t the best strategy for resolving to make changes.

If you do decide to make resolutions for the coming year, I’d like you to keep a few things in mind:

1. Keep your resolutions attitude-oriented, not goal oriented. This isn’t to say you can’t make goals and strive to achieve them. However, bad habits are usually the result of an underlying attitude about life. In the same way, healthy lifestyles don’t appear out of thin air, but are a reflection of a good life outlook. If you find it hard to keep up with your resolutions, try resolving to maintain a certain attitude this year. Perhaps you tend to view things negatively. Or maybe you don’t like confronting problems head-on. Both of these attitudes result in behaviors that most of us try to avoid: laziness, procrastination, defeatist-thinking, inability to follow-through, etc. Negative behaviors such as these can be more successfully tempered if we get to the root of the problem by changing our attitudes.

2. Be realistic. “This year, I’m going to triple my income.” “For 2013, I won’t make a single mistake at work.” “Even though I’ve never done it before, I’m going to learn how to climb mountains and set the world record for time it takes to scale Mount Everest.”

If these are the types of resolutions you’re planning for the new year, you may want to avoid making resolutions altogether. Although growth comes from pushing yourself past your comfort zone, there is always a cap on how much is possible. Setting goals that live outside the realm of possibility will only discourage you.

Instead, set goals that are simple. If you would like to eat better, for example, it’s okay to start with small modifications to your diet. With anything, being successful with the small stuff will give you the momentum to move on to more difficult goals. After slow, steady progress, you’ll see dramatic changes. Which leads me to my final tip…

3. Life changes (resolutions included) work best as incremental steps. If you decide to start running, you’re not going to remain at 5 miles a day starting January. You’ll naturally become faster and able to run farther distances. Any life change should work in this way. Begin with an end-game in mind, and take small, manageable steps to get there.

If your attitude is positive, your goals realistic, and if you’ve implemented a step-by-step process, I think you’ll do great with making any changes you feel are needed in your life. Remember, it’s not a competition, it’s not about looking good to other people, it’s about you taking ownership of your life and your desires.

I’m so excited to keep up the work with you all as we head into 2013.

Happy New Year!

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