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“Creating Successful Leaders”

February 6, 2013 Want To Be A Better Leader? Become A Lifelong Learner

Strong leaders are avid, continual learners. They don’t stop seeking out new opportunities after they’ve graduated, or once they’ve landed a job; they treat everyday as another chance to acquire knowledge and skills.

No good leader can go without this ingrained drive toward learning. Why, you ask?

1. Leadership Is More About What You Do Than What You Say

As a leader, you set the standards. You may say all sorts of things about your expectations for your team, but it isn’t your words they’ll be watching, it’s your actions. In order to lead, you must act according to the standards you put in place.

This means leading the charge in the pursuit of innovation and discovery. It means diving into uncharted territory, getting your hands dirty, and making mistakes. It does not mean delegating tasks from the sidelines.

2. Leadership Roles Change Between Times And Circumstances

Thus, in order to remain a relevant leader, you must learn and continue to learn. Just because you were in a leadership role 10 years ago does not necessarily mean you’re qualified to lead today. Each situation you encounter presents new challenges that can only be accomplished with an appetite for new knowledge. There’s a reason why medical doctors are required to continue their specialized education long after they graduate from medical school. Could you imagine going to a surgeon who was using standard practices from the 1940s?

3. Great Leaders Seek Innovators And Innovation

Every great leader is adept at seeking out individuals with specific strength sets and building a functional team from the bottom up. For a team to be successful, you’ll have to find people who probably know quite a bit about things you know nothing at all about. Thus, you’ll have to do a bit of learning in order to adequately assess a candidate’s potential, and to communicate with them effectively.

4. Well-Rounded People Make The Best Leaders

To be well-rounded, you need to learn a wide array of subjects, disciplines and areas of expertise. You don’t need to be an expert at everything, but it’s important to have a working knowledge of the world outside of your niche, as it gives you a greater sense of perspective and maturity. Go outside your comfort zone; read history or philosophy if you’ve always been a numbers person. Take public speaking classes if you’re shy (Toastmasters is a great club for this). Learn a language. Focus on areas you’ve told yourself that you’re bad at, and give it another go. You may surprise yourself.

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January 30, 2013 On Forgiving Others (And Ourselves)

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” -Mark Twain

A recipe for bitterness, cynicism and discontent is the inability to forgive.

We must forgive. It is crucial for leading a fulfilling life. And while most of us are able to forgive others, we often have the most trouble with forgiving ourselves. This week, I want to touch on both, and talk about how and why forgiveness in all its forms is a necessary element for powerful living.

We often confuse forgiveness with pretending the offending person didn’t hurt us, or think that it means we must shove away our pain and anger into a small corner of our psyche. However, neither of these describe true forgiveness. Psychologist Clarann Goldring states that forgiveness is “letting go of the need to fix the wrong and/or get even with the person.”

You see, forgiveness is for us. You could look at it as a healthy selfishness. Goldring points out that your personal baggage “doesn’t hurt the person you’re mad at in the least. The heavy burden falls on you, often for years.” Is this a good way to live?

Again, we shouldn’t condone the actions of the person that wronged us. But notice the word “wronged” is in the past tense. It already happened, and nothing can change that. So you can choose to move on, or you can continue to let past actions poison your present life.

Yet many of us struggle far more with forgiving ourselves. Like forgiving others, the first step is accepting the reality that wrongs were committed, in this case by you. But from there, forgiving oneself is a way of getting on with life, free from burden. An article in Psychology Today on the matter states that forgiving oneself “accompanies a resolution to change one’s behavior and act differently in the future.” In other words, when we forgive ourselves, we feel more motivated to get the things done that we want to do, free from the mistakes we’ve made in the past.

For instance, we tend to procrastinate less when not bogged down in feelings of guilt and regret. Procrastination acts as a downward spiral of guilt, shame and self-fulfilling prophesy. But when we forgive ourselves for avoiding an important task early on, we reduce the emotional stress associated with procrastination, which makes us “less likely to avoid the stimulus associated with the feelings in the first place.”

It’s easy to avoid the act of forgiving. We often feel justified when we hold onto wrongdoings of the past. “I was wronged! I’m right to be angry!” we stubbornly shout. And perhaps this is true. Yet what does it change to stay angry? All it does is perpetuate the negativity that occurred in the past. The greatest part of forgiveness is the empowerment it equips you with. You may have been wronged, or you may have wronged someone else, yet you also have the power to release yourself from the “already happened.” Don’t get stuck in the past. You have too many great things to build in the “right now” that are going to demand your full focus.

References

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastination

http://www.commonsensepsychology.com/forgiveness.php

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January 23, 2013 Patience: More Than A Virtue

If driving has taught me anything, it’s that we as a society are quick to drop our “patience is a virtue” mantra the moment we actually need it. Due to the increased speed of everything around us—faster cars, quicker communication, moment-by-moment news stories all day long—we aren’t very good at being patient.

Being impatient negatively impacts your life. It increases stress, which can lead to possible health problems down the road. According to an article in CNN, studies found a “correlation between having sense of time urgency and impatience (TUI) and an increased risk of hypertension and high blood pressure.”

Mentally and emotionally, impatience is both a result of and conducive to living selfishly. It is the little child’s voice we still live with, loudly shouting, “I need this, and I need it now!” Many never outgrow the terrible twos in this sense. When they don’t get their way in a prompt manner, they throw the forty year old version of a temper tantrum.

The fact is, you don’t need “it” now, whatever it may be. From something as trivial as a car in front of you missing a green light, to something as big as a job promotion, you can wait. Not only that, you should.

But why? We’ve been told “patience is a virtue” since we were little. Is there any real truth to this common saying?

Yes! Simply put, patient people are happier people.

In his book, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living, Allan Lokos points out the misconception many people have that “an emotional state is embedded in us and we can’t free ourselves from it.” In reality, people are much more complex than that.  Patience, just like dependability, honesty, and follow-through, is a learned behavior. Lokos stresses mindfulness, or being aware of a situation and your  reactions to it, as a way to develop a patient demeanor. “We sense impatience, annoyance and anger as they begin to arise within us and then we invite our calmer, wiser self to be present.”

Learning to live at peace in the moment isn’t always easy. But patience is a sign of emotional maturity as opposed to the selfish nature of impatience. Here are a few quick tips for those moments throughout the day that drive you crazy:

1. Breath and Relax. Most of us harbor tension and stress in our shoulders and arms without even realizing it. Teach yourself to stay loose throughout the day, as this will help you feel better and therefore less likely to become impatient.

2. Take a Step Out of the Situation. Is it that big of a deal? I mean, really. Will you even remember it at the end of the day? This is a good test to see if you tend toward becoming impatient over trivial things.

3. Distract Yourself With The Present Moment. Wow! You’re living right now! Where are you? What’s going on? Take a look around and realize that this moment is unique and special, and won’t ever be reproduced quite the same way. Instead of trying to speed up time, focus on things you actually have control over. One of them is your choice to be patient.

“”Study Says Patience Is More Than A Virture,” last modified November 20, 2002, http://articles.cnn.com/2002-11-20/health/type.a.heart_1_tui-impatience-young-adults?_s=PM:HEALTH

Allan Lokos, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living (New York:Penguin) 2012: 19, 21.

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