Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

September 19, 2013 The Tale of The Noisy Heels: self-awareness and public speaking

A talk I gave a few months back was video taped, and I looked forward to getting a chance to critique myself. While I was speaking, I felt that I was doing a fine job connecting with my audience and delivering my message in a composed, articulate manner. I’m afraid to say I still don’t know how true this is, because when I watched the video, I was horrified to discover that my high heels upstaged me.

I like to walk around and use the room when I give talks. It helps me connect with individual members of the audience and keeps me focused, since I tend to be a high-energy person. The room I was in had a hardwood floor and a high ceiling–the recipe for cavernous acoustics. I wasn’t exactly sure going in what kind of room I’d be speaking in, so I never took the time to factor this in to what I would be wearing that day. And that turned out to be a big mistake.

As I walked around on that floor, every step I took was transformed from normal, forgettable clicks high heels make, to echoing, thundering gallops. If I was distracted, watching myself on videotape, I can’t imagine how distracting my heels were to the poor audience.

This experience was a bit discouraging and embarrassing, but I’m grateful for that videotape, because now I know that there are other variables to consider before giving a talk.

1. Video Tape Yourself. The way you speak sounds different to you than it does to everyone else. This has been proven time and time again. Watching yourself on video lets reveals the things about your mannerisms that you overlook. And, as it was true for me, a video can highlight little oddities you’d never predict on your own.

2. When Possible, Become Familiar With The Room. Walk around the space before your speech. Get a feel for the acoustics, the size, and make a mental game plan for how you’ll use the room to your advantage.

3. Your Attire Isn’t Always Just Visual! Avoid clunky boots and noisy heels if you know you’ll be in a space that echoes.

Tags: , , ,

September 11, 2013 The Best Learners Keep Their Minds Open

Image via Maurice Kerrigan

With school back in session, you’ve probably seen kids with backpacks and lunchboxes waiting for the bus, or noticed the huge “back to school” section at your local Target, or maybe you’ve been one of those brave souls frantically rushing your kids out the door each morning. Whatever it may be, it’s likely September has reminded you of your own time in school, be it grade school, high school, or college, wherein your sole job was to learn.

It’s easy to slip into the mindset that that was then, this is now. We had school for learning, now it’s time for applying that knowledge in the real world. While this is true, adhering too strongly to such thinking can actually hinder your ability to excel. Because the world is continuously changing, we must embrace a mentality of continuous learning, and the way we pull that off is by keeping an open mind.

I know, “keeping an open mind” is about as cliché as it gets. It’s a phrase that can mean a whole heap of things and rarely gets questioned. So what do I mean when I say we must keep an open mind?

1. Put flexibility into practice. Be willing to change plans on the fly. Try out other people’s ideas. Don’t assume you know the answer right away.

2. Self-assessment is key. Are listening to others? Have you applied what you’ve most recently learned in any meaningful way?

3. There is no perfect way to do things. Strategies and methods need to be adapted to each new situation. The best learners use their environments to come up with a concoction of many different methods, tailored to the situation at hand.

4. Change is the only constant. And this is okay. Too often we wage a losing battle trying to control everything around us. You don’t need to fight that battle.

Don’t get entrenched in a one size fits all approach. You’ll only become frustrated. Be willing to listen, experiment and place yourself in the firing line of new experiences.

Tags: , , , , ,

September 4, 2013 “Am I An Impostor”? Overcoming Self-Doubt

It happens to even the most accomplished among us: That nagging feeling that it’s only a matter of time before we’re found out to be frauds. Thoughts like “I don’t actually know what I’m doing here,” or, “I’ve done well…so far…but eventually they’ll realize they made a big mistake hiring me,” are token examples of someone experiencing this phenomenon. Which begs the question: Where does this intense self-doubt come from?

Known as the Impostor Phenomenon (IP), it is more prevalent than you might expect. (You can view a small test see if you have the IP traits here.) In her new book, The Empress Has No Clothes: Conquering Self-Doubt to Embrace Success, Joyce M. Roche, president of Girls Incorporated, both reveals why many of us have such thoughts, and lays out practical ways to combat them.

Roche writes that conquering self-doubt lies in “learning how to metabolize external validation to turn it into the core strength of internal validation.” In other words, instead of letting your negative thoughts define who you think you are, focus on concrete successes you can point to in your life and let those fuel your sense of self-worth.

A few more points on overcoming self-doubt:

1. Identify the specific parts of your life that make you feel like you’re an impostor, and talk to someone you trust about those specific things. The simple act of verbalizing your fears shines light on the faulty thinking you used to create them.

2. Focus on the external factors of your present circumstance instead of your internal thoughts. You’ll see your track record for what it really us: there will be both successes and failures, sure, but be sure to give yourself credit where credit is due.

3. Wear your failures and setbacks as badges, not blemishes to cover up. As cliché as it is, our failures really are what propel us forward by showing us exactly what not to do, and failures are usually closely followed by successes.

Reference

Roche, Joyce M., and Alexander Kopelman. The Empress Has No Clothes: Conquering Self-Doubt to Embrace Success. San Francisco: Barrett-Koelher, 2013.

Tags: , , , ,