September 28, 2016 Define Success in Your OWN Terms
Most of my work is and has been people-oriented. Professionally, I spent nearly 30 years at 3M, working in various sales leadership positions. Now, I work with a wide range of clients through my career coaching business, UXL. In my personal life, I am involved in my church; I teach spin at the local gym; and I volunteer for several different organizations. Suffice it to say, I’ve met a lot of people through all these different avenues!
Some of the people I’ve met have been very career-oriented, some emphasize family above all else, some prefer spending their free time volunteering in the community and making a difference. Each person has different dreams and goals and different things they consider important. Because of that, how could there possibly be ONE measure of success?
And yet, our culture tends to paint a picture of success with one brush.
We consider a successful American to have a well-paying job, a nice house, a 401K, a loving family. We see wealth and power as the ultimate definitions of success. But that’s not everyone’s definition and shouldn’t be everyone’s definition.
If you define your personal success based on others’ measuring sticks, you’ll be constantly disappointed. What does success mean to YOU? What gives you satisfaction?
The idea of defining your own success really hits home whenever I volunteer at the Peace House, a shelter for troubled women. Many of the residents define success by having the ability to meet their basic needs—having shelter, sufficient food, and love from their families. They strive for independence, a steady income, a job that they enjoy. Some of them aim to get their GED or a certificate in a trade. For them, sales goals, investment portfolios, and owning a yacht are abstract concepts of success. AND THAT’S OKAY.
“But, wait,” you might be thinking, “my definition of success is meeting my sales goals, tucking some money away, and eventually owning a boat!” THAT’S OKAY TOO.
As soon as you figure out what you want out of life, you can work toward it with confidence. Sure, your definition of success may grow and evolve, but it should always reflect your personal ambitions instead of outside pressure to fit into others’ ideas of success.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: career coach Margaret Smith, defining success, definition of success, personal success, success in your own terms, UXL blog, UXL career coaching
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Changing Your Life, Goals
September 21, 2016 How does Success relate to Grit?
I recently watched a TED Talk by psychologist Dr. Angela Lee Duckworth on the subject of grit. She first noticed a correlation between success and grit when she was working as a school teacher in a difficult neighborhood. A child’s scholarly success was not necessarily related to their IQ; more often than not, it was related to their dogged perseverance, or grit.
Duckworth left teaching to pursue a career in psychology and made grit the subject of most of her research. She studied diverse groups of people—from military cadets to students to sales people—and, time and again, observed that grit was a key attribute to success.
The people who kept going despite failures or setbacks, the people who were committed to a job or task for the long-term, were the ones who usually succeeded.
How do you foster grit in your own life and your children’s? Duckworth admits that the research is lacking, but a few interesting ideas have cropped to the surface. One study shows that developing a “growth mentality” helps create a gritty personality. A growth mentality has to do with the belief that failure is NOT a permanent state. It is something that creates growth and helps us succeed next time. This kind of attitude puts people in a positive mindset, a “I can do it next time!” frame of mind.
What do you think? Has grit been a part of YOUR success? Is it something you need to work at?
For the full TED Talk, please click the link below:
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: Angela Lee Duckworth, grit and success, gritty people and success, link between success and grit, margaret smith career coach, Minneapolis career coach, TED Talk
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- Posted under Changing Your Life, Discussions, Leadership
September 14, 2016 Overcoming Negative Self-Talk
Although we may not pay attention to it most of the time, there is a constant internal voice that runs through everyone’s head. This is the voice that talks to us when we’re bored, tells us to choose the salad (not the soft pretzel!), and reminds us to not bring up politics around Aunt Mary. This unconscious stream of thought can also lift us up and make us feel confident OR cause us to come crashing down and tell us we’re no good.
Which narrative is running through your head?
For many people, the internal voice can be overwhelmingly negative. In the transformative book The Untethered Soul, author Michael Singer talks about this tendency to talk down to ourselves. He describes the voice as your “negative roommate,” the naysayer that is constantly spouting pessimism. Singer advises us to “monitor the roommate” by externalizing it. Give your inner voice a body and start talking back to it!
Although this method of combatting negative self-talk might make you seem a little loony (back-talking to your “roommate” who isn’t physically there!), Singer claims that it is the first step in taming your negative self-talk problem. He says, “If you want to free yourself, you must first become conscious enough to understand your predicament. Then you must commit yourself to the inner work of freedom…as of right now, your life is not your own; it belongs to your inner roommate; the psyche.”
The main lesson here is to be MINDFUL. Be AWARE of the narrative that runs through your head. Pay attention to what your inner voice is saying and when you catch yourself thinking pessimistically, pause. Refocus. Think of the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. If your little voice is telling you, “You can’t do it. You will fail during your presentation at today’s meeting.” Tell it, “No, I won’t. I will succeed. I will speak eloquently and clearly; I will keep people engaged.”
Then, repeat. Continue focusing your inner narrative on positive outcomes and you’ll find that it will become second-nature after a while. You’ll begin to be an optimistic person, instead of struggling to become one.
Grab a hold of your life’s narrative and tell it how to behave! That’s the surest way to boost your confidence, reduce stress, and reject toxic negativity. Start back-talking to the nagging negativity in your head and discover what a difference it can make in your life.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: banish negativity, career coach Margaret Smith, embracing positivity, Minneapolis career coach, negative inner voice, negative life narrative, overcome doubt, overcome negative self talk
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Changing Your Life, Communication, Goals, Personal Branding
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