Category Archives: Tips for Improving Interactions
December 17, 2025 On Human Connections
As the year draws to a close, and I glide down my “off ramp” toward retirement, I’ve found myself in a reflective and nostalgic mood. One of the things I’ve thought about as I’ve eased into retirement from leading UXL is how much things have changed…and how much they have not.
Though we live in a world that is now dominated by Zoom meetings and hybrid office hours, many of the same principles I wrote about in my book, The Ten-Minute Leadership Challenge, are still relevant. Courage, for example, is still an attribute that many of us need to amplify. And community is just as important (if not more important) as ever. One thing, in particular, that hasn’t changed during the 16+ years I’ve run UXL is the need and the power of human connection.
With so many of us working remotely, or living an “online life” through social media, entertainment, and/or AI, it sometimes feels like human connection is hard to find. We might react to someone’s post on social media, but is that really a connection? Or, we might attend a one-hour online workshop, but did we really form meaningful connections with the other participants?
I have noticed a distinct difference between the in-person workshops I’ve delivered over the years and the online ones. During the in-person workshops, we mixed and mingled. We talked to each other organically. We laughed and responded to each other’s body language. But during the online workshops, everything felt measured and a little stiff. We couldn’t respond as naturally to each other’s emotions and body language, and some people even had their cameras off. While I respect that choice in certain situations, this does make it difficult for the presenter and participants to react and bounce off each other in a natural way.
Additionally, after these workshops, I noticed that people often followed up and sometimes kept in touch for YEARS after an in-person session. That was never the case for virtual workshops. I have yet to hear from a single participant.
These observations have made me more convinced than ever that in-person, genuine human interactions are incredibly valuable and can be very meaningful. The same level of intimacy and authenticity is difficult to achieve (in my experience) in online settings.
During the holidays this year, I encourage you to put a little distance between yourself and your screens. Engage with your family and friends, put yourself out in the community, and aim for meaningful interactions. Instead of switching on the TV at night or falling into your phone, strike up a conversation with your significant other or ask if anyone wants to play a board game. Instead of (or in addition to) clicking “donate,” offer your time and your hands by volunteering in the community. These types of very human interactions can make a world of difference to both you and the people you touch.
Though so much has changed in the world since I started my business 16+ years ago, the acute need for authentic human interaction has remained the same. This holiday season, nourish your soul, uplift others, and form meaningful bonds through taking the time to simply be human in an offline world.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
Tags: essential human connections, living offline, margaret smith leadership, Margaret Smith life coach, on human connection, turn off screens
November 19, 2025 Surrounding Yourself with Kindness
You have a choice, and it’s one of the most important choices you can make: You can choose who to surround yourself with. This week, let’s talk about why the people around you matter and how to weed out toxicity (and choose kindness) in your life.
Why “Your People” Matter
Have you ever dropped food coloring into clear water? Even a few drops can taint an entire pitcher, changing it from clear to bright green, or red, or blue. And if you give it a stir, the color will take hold even quicker, disguising the clear water entirely.
This is how toxic relationships can leak into our lives. Even a single toxic individual (like a single drop of food coloring) can ruin our day, dim our joy, or make us not want to show up for work. And two or three individuals can ruin things even quicker. Even if you have a sunny personality and are able to block out some toxicity (deflecting it like a piece of cheese cloth might ward off the drops of food coloring), that toxicity has a way of eventually soaking through.
In short, who we surround ourselves with matters. If the people you see on a regular basis tend to criticize and naysay, you’ll likely find yourself drained and depleted at the end of the day. On the other hand, if you’re surrounded by people who cheer you on, believe in you, and regularly uplift you, you’ll likely feel more energized, fortified, and affirmed.
Therapist John Kim wrote in a Psychology Today article, “…ask yourself who around you is draining you, sucking your energy and taking you hostage, making you feel insecure and less than, not supporting you and your story. What relationships in your life are lopsided? But more importantly, what you are going to do about it?”
What to Do About It
It can be difficult to know how to deal with a person (or people) who are, frankly, jerks. You might not be able to avoid a particular co-worker, for instance, or you might have to occasionally deal with a toxic friend or family member. However, there are a few proactive steps you can take:
Set Boundaries
If a friend is constantly dimming your light, you can choose to limit the time you spend with that person. If a co-worker is always naysaying ideas, you can push back with positivity (“Okay, we’ve heard from Susan what won’t work for this project. Who has an idea about what could work?”). Or, you might try to limit your interactions with them (scheduling fewer meetings, opting to only answer their emails once per day, etc.).
Surround Yourself with Kindness
Though we can’t always pick who we interact with, we can at times. You have the power to choose friends who uplift you and cheer you on. You can spend your time in committees and social groups that are positive and affirming, rather than ones that gossip and/or tear others down. You can also choose (in some cases) to focus your time on co-workers and family members who you enjoy being around. Remember: you are not obligated to upkeep friendships or acquaintances, just because you have known the other person for a long time. Sometimes, it’s okay to prune certain relationships from your life.
Talk Things Over
In certain cases, such as with close friends, family, or co-workers you see regularly, you may want to engage in a conversation about how they show up. John Kim suggests to “come from a place of care and concern, then tell them how their actions and energy are impacting you and the relationship.” Accusations and insults will lead nowhere, but constructive feedback could. It could be that the other person is unaware of how their words or actions are affecting you. Or maybe they are going through a rough patch and inadvertently taking out their frustrations on the people around them. A gentle and tactful conversation might illuminate those things for them.
Don’t let your well become tainted with toxicity! Understand how impactful the people around you can be and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and infuse your life with positivity. You probably have more power over who you allow into your life than you realize.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
Tags: Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker, positive people in life, positive presence, setting boundaries, surround yourself with kindness
May 21, 2025 Building Community
Practically speaking, we’re more connected than ever. With email, video chats, messaging apps, social media, and more, we’re just a click away from communicating with just about anyone. Why, then, is there so much talk about a nation-wide loneliness epidemic? Why are so many families out of touch with each other? Why are more and more people (from teens to the elderly) feeling isolated? And why do so many people not know their neighbors?
If technology built community, we would be a thriving network of individuals. Instead, many of us sit inside, scrolling through social media and “liking” others’ posts, without making any true connections. It seems we would rather have a million surface-level contacts than sit down with someone and have a conversation. This stark reality is unfortunate, because community is vital, and we need it more than ever.
How to Create Community
There is not, of course, a catch-all answer when it comes to building community. This is something that takes time and looks different in different circumstances. A person’s work community will look different from their community of family and friends, which will look different from their faith, volunteer, or special interest community. We may be more casual or more formal in certain communities. Or, we might feel like some topics are taboo in certain circles. Despite how different our communities can be, I do think some approaches to building community are universal. These include:
Be Genuine
We’ve probably all encountered people who strike us disingenuous or even “fake.” These types of people might be prone to exaggeration, or they might completely change their demeanor when they’re around certain people. While it’s fine to moderate your behavior around certain groups, there’s a big difference between editing your speech and becoming a completely different person. There’s also a difference between being a little more casual/formal in some situations and completely compromising your values. A genuine person will remain steadfast to their values and who they are, at their core.
Reach Out
Building community takes active work and participation. Extend invitations to others, be inclusive, and keep at. Sometimes it takes time for people to warm to you and feel as if they are part of your community. At the same time, if you sense that someone is truly not interested, there are other fish in the sea! Find those who seem interested in a reciprocal relationship—those who are willing to contribute and be a part of something.
Engage
In my book, The Ten-Minute Leadership Challenge, I devote an entire chapter to Building Community (focused on the workplace). Though this book was published a decade ago and parts of it are outdated (nothing about working remotely, for instance!), much of it is still relevant. In the community chapter, I discuss forming an authentic, respectful relationship with others by asking good questions and truly listening to the responses. The book puts forth a challenge related to this on page 119: “Test your listening skills. Challenge yourself to remember three important details from every conversation you have this week. Jot down those details immediately and then try to recall them two or three hours later. Can you do it?”
The purpose of this exercise is to 1) test your listening skills (are you truly paying attention?) and 2) help you learn something new about those around you. Healthy communities involve respectful and reciprocal relationships. It’s important to learn about each other, so we know how best to support and interact with one another.
If you’re feeling the isolation of our modern, social-media-dominated world, I suggest having the courage to put yourself out there, extend invitations to others, and start engaging in meaningful conversations. These are great first steps, but keep in mind: building community takes time and effort. If you genuinely care about your fellow community members, you will periodically check in with them and offer them support. And, if you surround yourself with caring and authentic individuals, they will do the same for you.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: Building Community, combat loneliness and build community, how to foster community, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker
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