Category Archives: Tips for Improving Interactions
May 21, 2025 Building Community
Practically speaking, we’re more connected than ever. With email, video chats, messaging apps, social media, and more, we’re just a click away from communicating with just about anyone. Why, then, is there so much talk about a nation-wide loneliness epidemic? Why are so many families out of touch with each other? Why are more and more people (from teens to the elderly) feeling isolated? And why do so many people not know their neighbors?
If technology built community, we would be a thriving network of individuals. Instead, many of us sit inside, scrolling through social media and “liking” others’ posts, without making any true connections. It seems we would rather have a million surface-level contacts than sit down with someone and have a conversation. This stark reality is unfortunate, because community is vital, and we need it more than ever.
How to Create Community
There is not, of course, a catch-all answer when it comes to building community. This is something that takes time and looks different in different circumstances. A person’s work community will look different from their community of family and friends, which will look different from their faith, volunteer, or special interest community. We may be more casual or more formal in certain communities. Or, we might feel like some topics are taboo in certain circles. Despite how different our communities can be, I do think some approaches to building community are universal. These include:
Be Genuine
We’ve probably all encountered people who strike us disingenuous or even “fake.” These types of people might be prone to exaggeration, or they might completely change their demeanor when they’re around certain people. While it’s fine to moderate your behavior around certain groups, there’s a big difference between editing your speech and becoming a completely different person. There’s also a difference between being a little more casual/formal in some situations and completely compromising your values. A genuine person will remain steadfast to their values and who they are, at their core.
Reach Out
Building community takes active work and participation. Extend invitations to others, be inclusive, and keep at. Sometimes it takes time for people to warm to you and feel as if they are part of your community. At the same time, if you sense that someone is truly not interested, there are other fish in the sea! Find those who seem interested in a reciprocal relationship—those who are willing to contribute and be a part of something.
Engage
In my book, The Ten-Minute Leadership Challenge, I devote an entire chapter to Building Community (focused on the workplace). Though this book was published a decade ago and parts of it are outdated (nothing about working remotely, for instance!), much of it is still relevant. In the community chapter, I discuss forming an authentic, respectful relationship with others by asking good questions and truly listening to the responses. The book puts forth a challenge related to this on page 119: “Test your listening skills. Challenge yourself to remember three important details from every conversation you have this week. Jot down those details immediately and then try to recall them two or three hours later. Can you do it?”
The purpose of this exercise is to 1) test your listening skills (are you truly paying attention?) and 2) help you learn something new about those around you. Healthy communities involve respectful and reciprocal relationships. It’s important to learn about each other, so we know how best to support and interact with one another.
If you’re feeling the isolation of our modern, social-media-dominated world, I suggest having the courage to put yourself out there, extend invitations to others, and start engaging in meaningful conversations. These are great first steps, but keep in mind: building community takes time and effort. If you genuinely care about your fellow community members, you will periodically check in with them and offer them support. And, if you surround yourself with caring and authentic individuals, they will do the same for you.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: Building Community, combat loneliness and build community, how to foster community, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker
November 6, 2024 Choosing Kindness (More Important Than Ever)
In a world that often feels increasingly divided and polarized, the simple act of choosing kindness has never been more crucial. Through both my life experiences and my work as a career/life coach, I have observed the profound impact that kindness (or the lack thereof) can have on our personal and professional lives.
The Importance of Kindness
Kindness is not just a feel-good concept; it is a powerful tool that can transform our relationships, our communities, and even our own well-being. When we choose to be kind, we open ourselves up to deeper connections, foster understanding, and create an environment where everyone feels valued and respected.
In a world that has become increasingly divided, with political and social tensions running high, the need for kindness is more pressing than ever. We have become a nation where civility, good manners, and basic humanity have been overshadowed by the constant need to prove our own point of view or to win at all costs.
The Impact of Kindness
The impact of kindness cannot be overstated. When we choose to be kind, we not only make a positive difference in the lives of others, but we also reap the benefits ourselves. According to an article written by the Mayo Clinic, kindness has positive effects on both the mind and body. The article says, “Kindness has been shown to increase self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and improve mood. It can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone directly correlated with stress levels. People who give of themselves in a balanced way also tend to be healthier and live longer.”
Kindness is also a mood booster. It can make us happier, reduce stress, and improve our overall mental and emotional well-being. In short, the simple act of choosing kindness can be a powerful antidote!
Practicing Kindness in Everyday Life
Keep in mind, kindness doesn’t have to be grand or dramatic; it can be found in the small, everyday moments that make up our lives. Here are some ideas for incorporating more kindness into your daily routine:
- Practice active listening and be present with the people in your life
- Extend grace and understanding when someone is having a bad day
- Be patient and understanding with service people
- Practice empathy—attempt to see another’s point of view before passing judgment or responding negatively
- Refrain from online squabbling. Little it achieved through fighting behind your screen!
- Offer a compliment, give a few words of encouragement, or give someone a sincere “thank you” whenever it makes sense (consider sending a handwritten card)
In a world that often feels divided and polarized, the choice to be kind can be a powerful act of resistance. When we choose kindness, we are challenging the narrative of “us vs. them” and instead embracing the idea that we are all in this together. Though it’s easy to get caught up in the endless cycle of political and social debates, I’m certain you can find common ground with just about anyone if you just look for it. At the end of the day, many of us care about the same things—our family (and pets), our friends or community, our home, financial security, our career. Keep that in mind the next time you’re with someone who does not share all your points of view or beliefs.
Remember: kindness doesn’t mean that we have to agree with everyone or that we can’t stand up for our beliefs. It simply means that we approach our interactions with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen and learn. When we choose kindness, we create space for meaningful dialogue, and we open the door to the possibility of finding solutions that benefit everyone.
In a world that often feels overwhelming and uncertain, the choice to be kind can be a powerful act of hope and resilience. By embracing kindness in our everyday lives, we can not only improve our own well-being but also contribute to a more compassionate and connected world.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: be kind after election, bridge differences, choosing kindness, importance of kindness, kindness more important than ever, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker
July 31, 2024 The Power of Forgiveness
As we move through life, we will inevitably deal with less-than-ideal interactions and experiences. Unfortunately, these disagreeable moments have a tendency to stick with us. Studies have revealed that people have a negativity bias, which (it is theorized) is caused by our brain’s tendency to notice things that are dangerous or potentially harmful in order to protect us. So, we often absorb the bad while glossing over the good.
While our negativity bias may be intended to help us, it can also hurt us if we dwell on the negative too long. Being constantly angry, frustrated, or annoyed is damaging on many levels. It can affect our mental and physical wellbeing (elevating heartrates and increasing muscle tension). It can impact our relationships with others. Or, it can impede our ability to be productive and energized.
In my experience, one of the most effective ways of shedding this negativity—and those feelings of anger, frustration, and annoyance—is to practice forgiveness.
You probably encounter dozens of annoying situations every day. Perhaps a co-worker didn’t make a deadline or forgot to schedule an appointment with an important client. Maybe your family has made a mess in the house. Or, maybe the barista behind the counter messed up your order. Whatever the case, we can deal with these situations in two ways:
1) Get angry and hold a grudge
2) Acknowledge the annoyance, move on, and forgive
It’s okay to be temporarily frustrated or upset. It’s fine for your negativity bias to kick in. However, these reactions become problematic when we cling to them too long—when we dwell on them and let them take over our day.
A bit part of moving past a problem involves forgiveness, especially when it comes to little, everyday annoyances. If you do not forgive, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy being mad and stewing over the situation. This isn’t to say you should let bad behavior slide; instead, it’s a good idea to address the problem, forgive, and move on. Take the example of your co-worker missing a deadline.
If a co-worker fails to complete a project on time, that can be incredibly frustrating (especially if it’s an important project OR if this is a common behavior). Instead of seething in your office or complaining to other co-workers, I encourage you to face the problem head on. Talk to the person directly, explain the impact of their actions (on you and the company), and strategize ways to meet future deadlines. If you are a leader and this person is one of your team members, you may also discuss disciplinary actions that will be taken if the problem persists.
Once you’ve worked out a solution, make a conscious effort to forgive that person and move on.
The same actions can be applied in other situations. If the Starbucks barista messes up your order, you can politely approach the window, explain the error, and say that you have no problem waiting for a new coffee. This all boils down to three steps:
1. Come up with a solution
2. Forgive
3. Move on
While your negativity bias is trying to help you, long-term negativity will only harm you. Shed your resentments, do your best to forgive, and keep moving forward. You’ll be happier in the long run, and you’ll feel lighter without the weight of all those grudges.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: forgiving and moving on, how to forgive and move on, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith Minneapolis career coach, moving past annoyances, power of forgiveness
