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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Thrive at Work

March 9, 2016 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.--Bryant H. McGill

I recently listened to an excellent TED Talk by Celeste Headlee on the art of having a meaningful conversation. Headlee was a radio host and reporter for NPR for several years and used what she learned from interviewing to develop 10 basic conversation principles.

Today, we often talk past or talk over each other. Instead of truly listening to what the other person has to say, we are busy multi-tasking or thinking up a response. Because of this tendency to focus on ourselves instead of on the other half of the conversation, a lot is lost in translation. Headlee’s 10 principles remind us how to fully engage in meaningful conversation and actually learn something from one another. Briefly, her 10 principles are:

  1. Don’t multi-task (be fully present and engaged)
  2. Don’t pontificate (expressing your opinion without any room for discussion only shuts down a conversation instead of opening up a dialogue)
  3. Use open-ended questions
  4. Go with the flow (thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go and focus on what the other person is saying)
  5. If you don’t know, say you don’t know (it’s okay to admit when you don’t know something!)
  6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs (your experience is not the say. Don’t make this a promotional opportunity for you; instead, listen to what they are saying and respond to that)
  7. Try not to repeat yourself
  8. Stay out of the weeds (don’t bog down your story with irrelevant details)
  9. Listen (This is probably the most important principle!)
  10. Be brief (As Headlee’s sister says, “A good conversation is like a miniskirt: short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.”)

Think about these principles as you engage others in conversation today. Be present, ask good questions, and practice active listening.

If you’d like to watch the whole TED Talk (It’s only 12 minutes long), please click on the image below. Happy conversing!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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February 24, 2016 15 Ways to Beat the Winter “Blahs”

winter blues

Yes, it’s still winter. Sorry to break the bad news! If you’re finding it hard to roll out of bed and go to work, you’re not alone. 14 % of people in colder climates suffer from seasonal mood changes, commonly known as winter blues. You might feel tired or lethargic. You might feel uninspired or unmotivated at work. You might feel a sense of directionless or purposelessness.

If you suspect that the cold weather is getting you down (and that your feelings aren’t indicators of a larger problem, like depression or true Seasonal Affective Disorder), there are a few simple tactics you can take to turn things around.

Hang in there! Spring will be here before you know it. In the meantime, take a look at these 15 ways to get inspired and boost your mood.

 

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  1. Write it out

Keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings can help you make sense of them. Writing is a great release for pent-up emotions.

  1. Practice saying affirmations every morning

Before you get out of bed, focus on your strengths and the positive aspects of your life.

  1. Visit a conservatory

Soak in some actual sun at your local conservatory. The benefit of being in a warm environment among oxygen-giving plants is amazing! Bring a book and stay a while.

  1. Invest in a light box

According to psychologist Stephen Josephson, sitting in front of a light box daily for half an hour to an hour is very effective for improving mood and motivation.

  1. Eat healthy

Although it’s tempting to turn to chocolate and potato chips during the winter months, do your best to eat a clean diet. The nutrients will help increase your energy and focus.

 

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  1. Plan a trip

Even if you can’t take a trip in the near future, it’s lots of fun to plan one. Studies show that oftentimes people actual get more enjoyment from planning their trip than actual going on it!

  1. Make dinner dates with friends

Chances are, your friends need to get out of the house just as much as you do!

  1. Visit the aquarium

Not just for kids! Being around fish and sea creatures is incredibly soothing.

  1. Play host/ess

Plan a dinner party for a few weeks from now and invite a handful of friends. Use your creativity to come up with a great menu, décor, music, and drinks.

  1. Get involved

Volunteer opportunities abound! Find a cause you believe in and put in some hours this month. Start looking on Volunteer Match or on the bulletin board in your local community center.

 

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  1. Connect with co-workers

Today, invite a co-worker to lunch (or coffee) and have a chat. The more positive connections you make at work, the more likely you’ll want to show up.

  1. Personalize your office

Update the family photos you keep at work, hang artwork, make your space you.

  1. Move!

If you’re feeling “blah” during the day, don’t just sit there and stare at your screen. Get up, take a walk, and allow yourself to refocus

  1. Make a list of 5 things you love about your job

Are you having trouble making the list? If so, there may be other issues at hand instead of just the winter blues. My door is always open, if that’s the case.

  1. Make a difference in someone’s day

Every day, look for opportunities to spread kindness. You might do something small, like clean the breakroom coffee pot. Or, you might do something larger, like volunteer to help a co-worker with her project. Not only will you feel good about your actions, you’ll be strengthening your personal brand—never a bad thing.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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February 3, 2016 Forgiveness Helps Us Grow

Holding on to anger

Fist image (without text) courtesy of Teerapun at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Every day we are given opportunities to forgive. Whether we’re faced with a driver that cuts us off on the freeway, a rude comment from a coworker, or our own lack of preparation for a work presentation, it is often best to let go and learn from our experiences.

It’s tempting to hold onto anger and sadness as protection—to make sure we never feel a certain way again, or to hold as collateral for an apology. But like the analogy of holding a hot coal with the intention of throwing it, we only hurt ourselves when holding onto these negative feelings.

Forgiveness is not forgetting. Practicing forgiveness does not mean you’re a pushover, and it doesn’t mean you accept negative behavior in others. There is a difference between forgiving someone, and opening yourself up to the same hurt in the future.

We can all hope that offenders realize their mistake and feel remorse, but this isn’t always the case. Some people may never apologize, and we’re left harboring ill-will. Forgiveness is for your well being.

Imagine this scenario:

You’re at the office. It’s a busy time of year, and your schedule is packed, but you decide to cut your lunch break short so you can meet with a new client for the first time. You finish your lunch and do some busywork while waiting for her to arrive. Forty-five minutes pass, and you finally see her pull into the parking lot. Right now your breathing is shallow, your fists are clenched and sweaty, your posture is hunched, and you’re angry—angry at her for not respecting your time, angry at yourself for scheduling too much in one day, and suddenly angry at your co-workers for not taking more meetings so you wouldn’t have to. This client may or may not apologize upon entering the room, but you can still practice forgiveness in order to take away a lesson from this experience, while releasing tension and stress.

Forgiveness requires intention and practice, but by lowering stress you are also lowering your chances of a high heart rate, high blood pressure, body aches, depression, and fatigue.

And don’t forget: mistakes are what make us human. Mistakes help us improve: our products, our processes, and our attitudes. Without forgiveness we would still be holding onto hurts from long ago—forgiveness helps us grow.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM

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