Category Archives: Thrive at Work
August 8, 2018 4 Techniques for Cultivating Patience
Good things come to those who wait. But who has time for that? No one likes waiting, particularly in this digital age of speedy convenience and instant gratification. The truth is, patience is a skill we’ve gotten lazy with and a lesson we undervalue. Here are some techniques to help you build acceptance for time, people, and circumstance:
REDEFINE IT
For some people, the thought of patience makes them groan. They view patience as a sacrifice–a compromise of their genuine frustration. Because, let’s be honest, when things aren’t going the way we want, the last thing we want to do is take a deep breath and count to ten.
The truth is that patience is not gritting your teeth and trying to bare reality while you wait for something better. True patience is not tense or unhappy. It is a soft and open understanding that, “This is going to change, but right now, it can’t be other than what it is.” It’s our willingness to recommit, time and time again, to accepting that when we can’t control things, we are in control of our relationship to them. Being angry at morning traffic will not make it move any faster.
So ask yourself, “How do I want feel in this moment?” And give yourself permission to feel that way.
USE PERSPECTIVE
Tired, hungry, and overworked are not qualities that set you up for patience but sometimes they’re unavoidable. When the present moment is too overwhelming to make space for patience, try simply acknowledging impatience. Find the awareness to see that you’re short on clarity and, therefore, now is not a good time to confront that co-worker. Realize that your perception is clouded by stress and that you’re very likely to think differently after lunch. Is this something worthy of ruining your week? Or is it a minor inconvenience that will sort itself out? Perspective and patience go hand in hand.
SET MINI GOALS
Long term goals are great for giving us direction, but less great for giving us motivation. When the pay-off is so far down the road, it can feel like we’re moving in slow motion to the point where we question if we’re even making progress. Set mini goals for yourself and celebrate your small successes! Its easier to be patient with your goals when you can track your progress with check points.
DELAY GRATIFICATION
Modern technology has spoiled us. The convenience of instant messaging and endless resources at our fingertips has trained us to believe that if we want it, we should be able to have it right now. We start craving convenience over quality. Why wait for something great when something good is available right now? Because you deserve the best. Because patience is a virtue worth cultivating.
The more you practice anything, the easier it becomes. Patience takes time to develop, so if you find these techniques to be more challenging than you thought, that’s okay. Be patient with yourself.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: improve patience, margaret smith leadership, Margaret Smith life coach, patience at work, patience in the workplace, the patient leader, tips for cultivating patience
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- Posted under Changing Your Life, Thrive at Work
July 11, 2018 How to Defeat those Workplace Bullies
Sometimes the office can feel like junior high. There can be cliques, hurt feelings, and even bullies. Unfortunately, some people never outgrow their habits of picking on others, over-asserting themselves, or acting just plain mean. Instead of trying to change a bully’s ways, focus on yourself and utilize a few strategies to make bullying behavior more bearable.
NOTE: If bullying is emotionally or physically damaging, that’s MORE than bullying. It’s harassment and should be reported.
1. Surround yourself with positive allies
Strength in numbers! I think (and hope!) you’ll find that the majority of people you encounter in the workplace are perfectly decent, respectful human beings. Find those people and befriend them. Life is too short to try to befriend and change the office bully. Surround yourself with positive influences and you’ll find your days at the office much more enjoyable.
2. Think “big picture”
Will the annoying behavior of an office jerk affect you tomorrow? Next week? Think in terms of the big picture and don’t let a few irritations get to you. You’re bigger and better than that.
3. Minimize the bully
Bob Sutton, author of The A**hole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt, suggests thinking about workplace bullies like bugs in a jar—they are fascinating specimens that you can examine from a dispassionate distance! When you think about it, bullying really is clownish behavior. It’s someone trying to scrabble up to the top of the heap by being cruel or downright nasty. When you think about bullying behavior as something immature and ridiculous (what is that bug doing in its little jar?!), then the behavior seems less harmful and more laughable.
4. Build up your reservoir of confidence
Don’t let bullies diminish you. Build up your confidence before and after you meet with a bully by reciting positive affirmations, talking with others who are positive and affirming, or practicing your power pose. Know that you ARE a worthy person and a valuable contributor and no single person can change that.
5. Report it
If the bullying is so bad that it is inhibiting your ability to work and thrive, you need to report it. Sure, everyone has their moments, but if those moments are more like months, something needs to be done. If you feel comfortable talking with the bully, you may want to sit down with him/her first and let them know what’s on your mind. If you are afraid of a nasty backlash, go directly to the bully’s supervisor. No one should feel threatened or belittled at work. If you’ve tried the first four tactics and things are still not improving with your bully, it’s time to formally report their awful behavior.
Don’t take bullying lying down! Start with these five strategies and, if you find they’re not working, there’s absolutely no shame in taking action and reporting the toxic individual.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: adult bully, defeat workplace bully, Margaret Smith UXL, overcome office bully, UXL business coaching, UXL career coaching, workplace bully, workplace jerks
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Changing Your Life, Thrive at Work
June 27, 2018 Millennials: How to Prove Your Worth
If you are a Millennial, you’re probably already well aware that you’re fighting an uphill battle in the average workplace. Millennials have been given a lot of flak for being lazy, self-absorbed, and disloyal. Journalists love writing articles about Millennials that cast the entire generation in a poor light. While the criticisms may be true in some cases, they are absolutely NOT true in many others.
(I’ve written a couple blog posts about the fallacy that Millennials are bad employees. Check out Millennials and Loyalty and Millennials and Altruism).
Unfortunately, many people have bought into the racket and are overly cautious about their Millennial co-workers. So, how do you cut through the distrust and prove that you are, in fact, loyal and you DO want to work hard?
Try the following 5 strategies:
1. Demonstrate Your Respect
I’m sure you have tons of brilliant ideas that you’d like to implement RIGHT AWAY, but hold your horses. If you’re starting out in a new job, take your time to get to know your co-workers, get a feel for the environment, and understand protocol. Be sure to respect the ideas and practices of those who have been in the organization for longer than you have, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their methods. A little respect can go a long way.
When you do feel you need to speak up and offer an alternative opinion, do so in a courteous manner. Acknowledge the commonalities between you and the other person or people with whom you disagree, and THEN offer your alternative or dissenting opinion. Remember: your tone of voice and mannerisms can also speak volumes. Pay attention to your body language and be as polite as possible.
2. Surpass Expectations
If you’re looking for respect from your co-workers, then make sure you’re not only turning in your assignments on time and being as punctual as possible, but also make an effort to go the extra mile. Do a little extra research for that report. Help out a struggling co-worker. Turn in a project a day early.
You don’t always have to surpass expectations (and probably shouldn’t), but it doesn’t hurt to make an effort to shine from time to time. Just make sure you’re not rubbing your excellence in others’ noses!
3. Think AND Talk About the Future
What’s your five-year plan at your company? What are your goals? Think about your personal expectations for your future self (if you’d like some help with goal setting, check out this past blog post), and commit to them.
Don’t be afraid to let others in on your goals, especially your immediate supervisor or mentor. How do you talk about your goals with others? Try framing them in the form of a question. For instance:
“I’m determined to do XYZ this year, but I’m not sure about [a certain aspect of reaching that goal]. What are your thoughts?”
OR: “I’d really like to [become a project lead, take on X responsibility, earn a promotion to X position]. How were you able to do this? Any tips for me?”
4. Be Humble
You don’t know everything. Not only that, there are things you don’t even know that you don’t know! With that in mind, be open to learning and trying new things. Listen. Pay attention. Learn.
5. When Things Aren’t Ideal, Communicate
Instead of thinking about leaving as soon as things get tough or the job doesn’t seem to suit you anymore, communicate. Approach your supervisor, let her know about your discontentment, and strategize ways to overcome your slump (better yet, strategize ahead of time, and let her know your ideas in addition to a collaborative brainstorm).
Believe me, everyone has slumps. It’s possible you’ve mastered your work and are now bored, or you might feel ill-suited to the work you are doing (in both cases, a change in responsibilities might help you re-engage). It’s also possible you’ve become unhappy with the work climate and don’t care for certain co-workers or certain office practices. That is a larger problem, but can also be surmountable in some cases (it might just mean talking to certain co-workers and strategizing on how to better work together).
Direct communication is key. The last thing you want to do is mope around for a month, make everyone around you unhappy, and then quit. That doesn’t do ANYONE any good! Talking out your discontentment (in a respectful, matter-of-fact way), and strategizing solutions is a much more proactive approach.
How will you prove yourself in a workplace that is determined to write you off? Start with these 5 strategies, give them an earnest try, and be patient–others’ attitudes toward you may not change overnight. Remember: if you find the workplace to be overwhelmingly toxic, there’s no shame in moving on. Just make sure to give this decision plenty of thought and consider talking with a career coach before you make your move.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: Margaret Smith licensed Insights practitioner, Margaret Smith Twin Cities, Millennial career insights, millennials and loyalty, Millennials earn promotion, millennials in the workplace, Millennials prove worth, the millennial generation at work
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