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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Thrive at Work

February 1, 2023 Dealing with Frustrations in the Workplace (productively!)

We can become frustrated for any number of reasons—the car won’t start, a family member is stirring up drama, or the person at the front of the checkout line is arguing about the price of each item in their shopping cart. That’s life. And, unfortunately, the workplace is not immune from these everyday frustrations.

However, in most workplaces, we’re expected to mask or ignore our frustrations. This doesn’t make them go away, of course, it simply buries them. And if you continually bury your frustrations, those feelings might bubble up at inopportune times.

So, what to do?

First of all, it’s important to recognize when you’re feeling frustrated. If you feel your temperature rising or your body start to clench (the physiological effects of our fight-or-flight instinct), or if you feel on the verge of shouting, those are good signs you’re dealing with frustration. By recognizing your frustration in the moment, you can then deal with it.

Once you acknowledge your frustration, you can choose to face it in a few different ways. Try any or all of the following:

Take a Break

Step away from the situation, take a few deep breaths, and clear your head. Even taking one or two minutes can be helpful. If you’re in a meeting, you might take a break to use the restroom or drinking fountain. Or, you might simply tune out the meeting for a few seconds to collect your thoughts.

Take Deep Breaths

Studies have shown that deep breathing can help lower your heart rate and alleviate feelings of stress and anger. If you’re in a meeting or intense conversation, focus on your breath and let your body relax by taking a few deep breaths.

Talk to a Trusted Colleague

Talking to a colleague about the situation can help you understand the situation better, gain perspective, and even find a solution to your problem. Just remember to be open and honest with your colleague and refrain from gossiping.

Reframe Frustration

Sometimes frustrations can crop up if you are dealing with a difficult situation or something you’ve never encountered before. In those cases, try reframing your frustration as a challenge or an opportunity. This is your chance to rise to the occasion, learn a new skill, and come up with an innovative solution.

Practice Self-Compassion

No one is perfect — we all make mistakes. So, when frustration arises at work, try to be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you’ll be better equipped to handle similar situations in the future.

By learning to recognize, address, and manage frustration in the workplace you can avoid explosive outbursts and unhealthy situations. Remember to stay calm, recognize the problem, and practice self-compassion.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

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January 25, 2023 Earning Respect Starts with Respecting YOURSELF

Have you ever been in a room with someone who commanded respect? They spoke in a self-assured way, and held themselves with confidence. When this person said something, people listened and took their ideas seriously. They seemed to be the very embodiment of confidence.

That self-assured person was probably able to command the respect of others because they respected themselves. When you show yourself a bit of self-love and appreciation, you demonstrate that you’re worthy of respect.

In short, respect starts with YOU. Before you can earn respect from other people, you need to learn to respect yourself. Respect is about understanding your own worth and appreciating your own values. This doesn’t mean you’re perfect. Everyone has flaws, but the way you handle those flaws clearly demonstrates whether you respect yourself or not.

An insecure or anxious person will dwell on their personal faults, but a person who respects themselves will simply acknowledge their shortcomings (if necessary) and move on.

To start building personal respect, try any or all of the following 6 steps:

1. Start improving your self-esteem.

Take some time to recognize your good qualities and accomplishments. Think of how capable you are of achieving your goals, and how you can use your strengths to benefit yourself and others.

Once you’ve built up your self-respect, you can work on expressing it outwardly. Speak positively about yourself and show gratitude for the successes and accomplishments you’ve achieved. Be proud of who you are!

2. Know your limits.

Respect yourself by recognizing your limitations and being honest about your capabilities. If you know you don’t have the time or capacity to take on a project, say “no.” If you’re tired of answering emails after hours, draw a line in the sand and stick to your policy. (Read more about setting healthy boundaries.)

3. Seek meaningful relationships.

Prioritize relationships that are supportive, positive, and beneficial. Respect yourself by rejecting interactions that don’t serve you emotionally.

4. Find your own happiness.

People who respect themselves don’t rely on the approval of others. Instead, they seek out their own sources of happiness and satisfaction. Define your own values and work to live according to them.

5. Make healthy choices.

Respect yourself by making choices that are in your best interest. You don’t always have to say “yes” to be liked, and you don’t have to please everyone. Reject things that aren’t in alignment with your objectives, values, or vision.

6. Forgive your mistakes.

Nobody’s perfect, and that’s okay! Respect yourself by not getting too bogged down by mistakes or failures. An essential part of respecting yourself is being kind to your mistakes and being willing to learn from them.

In conclusion, respect starts with YOU. Show yourself respect, and others will follow suit. Learn to accept yourself, practice self-love, and set boundaries that protect your own well-being. When you start to respect yourself, others will take notice and show you the same respect in turn.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

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October 26, 2022 3 Steps to Deal with Negative Feedback

No one likes to receive negative feedback. We’d all like to skate through life and have people tell us, “That was perfect! No changes necessary.” Or, “I love your ideas. Let’s adopt every single one of them.” Or, “Your report was impeccable. Don’t change a thing.”

If only.

The truth is, you will receive negative feedback at times, whether in a meeting, during an annual review, or from co-workers (in a more casual sense). Negative feedback can sting. You might feel defensive, you may dread the work that the feedback might create, or you might even feel some animosity toward the person who delivered the critique.

Those feelings are normal, and you can work through them. Let’s talk about 3 ways to deal with negative feedback.

1. Delay Your Reaction

When you or your work is criticized, your kneejerk reaction may be to bite back. You might say something snappy, blow off the criticism, or even attack the speaker. None of these are productive responses, and they may end up damaging relationships or your reputation.

Instead, take time to internalize the criticism. You might ask a clarifying question or two (or gently correct something the speaker misstated), but do your best to not be defensive. Even if you don’t entirely agree with the feedback, there may be a kernel of truth in it. Let your anger or disappointment subside before you respond.

2. Examine the Heart of the Feedback

How often do you latch onto a criticism, even when someone has given you several compliments? When dealing with negative feedback, sit down and think about everything that was said. Was the negative component the most important part of the feedback? Or simply the part that stuck with you?

Even if the negative portion of the feedback wasn’t the central focus, it’s worth addressing it. Now that you’re in a more neutral state (hopefully!), consider ways to course correct. Will this be a major undertaking? Will it involve other people or various resources? Start planning, but don’t get too far until you do Step 3…

3. Circle Back to the Critiquer

After you’ve had some time to digest the negative feedback, it’s a good idea to reach out to the person who delivered it. It could be that they didn’t state their case clearly, were confused, or overstated the problem. Or maybe they meant every word of their critique.

Whatever the case, I encourage you to contact this person and address their criticism head-on. You might start the conversation like this:

“I’ve been giving what you said about X a lot of thought, and I want to ask you some clarifying questions before diving in to make corrections. Can we chat?”

If they agree to talk, keep things civil and professional. You should have a genuine desire to make things better and improve! The goal of this conversation is to capture more information AND demonstrate to the other person that you hear them, respect their opinion, and are willing to put in the leg work to make things right.

No one loves negative feedback, but we can all learn from it. At times, this feedback may be exaggerated or just plain wrong, but don’t dismiss it outright. We can learn from others’ thoughts and perspectives, and it’s helpful to keep a humble, always-improving attitude. Besides, the more you deal with criticism, the easier it will be to take it.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

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