Category Archives: Communication
January 25, 2012 4 Ways to “Stop Being a Jerk” from INC Magazine
By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
We have all experienced a work life under the tyranny of a thankless and critical boss. Not very much fun, right? Similarly, we have all probably been guilty of being less nice than we could be at work. With these things in mind, I thought it might be useful to share with you the following interesting tidbits from Inc Magazine’s October 2011 issue.
Here’s an Idea: Stop Being a Jerk
1. Don’t ban the water cooler. “It used to drive me crazy to see people talking about other things at work. Now, I’m glad they’re doing it,” says Jay Steinfeld, founder and CEO of Houston-based Blinds.com. As he reminds readers, “you can’t be paranoid and creative at the same time; it’s impossible.” It’s important that people have an opportunity to interact like human beings!
2. Don’t discount community service. Being an active participant in charity and community service “trains people’s minds to think about improving other people’s lives,” explains Steinfeld. And I couldn’t agree more! What better way to find a place to reinforce your contribution, self-esteem, and sense of worth?
3. Don’t Ignore the good tries. Responding to the failed attempts of others with anger, disappointment, or lectures often discourages others to avoid trying new things and taking risks (both of which are essential to fostering a spirit of innovation). “Years ago, I would ream out people when they failed,” says Steinfeld. “Now I tell them, ‘Hey, it didn’t work, but I’m pleased you gave it a shot.’ And say it in front of others. I want people to experiment without fear of failure.”
4. Don’t leave it up to HR. Instead of wiping your hands clean of your contribution to the company culture, realize that it’s completely up to you. “Nothing happens if the top doesn’t agree or even personally care about it,” reminds Steinfeld.
Tags: Be Nice, Inc Magazine, Office Interactions, Stop Being a Jerk
January 19, 2012 Are You Practicing Faux Flexibility?
By Margaret Smith, UXL
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
“If you ask most people, ‘Are you flexible or rigid?’ they’ll tell you they’re flexible,” says Howard Gardner, Harvard cognitive psychologist (as quoted in O Magazine, May 2005).
Most of us will claim to be open to change in our lives and opinions, but would you say that most people you meet are actually flexible? Probably not. This is because most of us practice what Gardner refers to as “fundamentalism” Although the term is most commonly used in reference to religion, it can also be used to describe our preference not to change our minds. “There’s fundamentalism—a commitment not to alter our opinions—in every sphere,” he explains.
Certainly, my own interactions with others (especially as a life coach) can attest to this notion!
So how do we open up our own minds and the minds of others to new ideas and ways of thinking?
The acclaimed psychologist offers some innovative suggestions for challenging our mindset and freshening up our convictions:
1. Subscribe to publications that cut across the political and scientific spectrum.
2. Seek out balanced arguments, instead of indulging in arguments that feed your preexisting beliefs.
3. Talk to people from different backgrounds to challenge your orthodoxy—travel!
4. Understand the resistance of others. Gardner suggests you do this by attempting to “draw the other person out” and “listen charismatically”.
5. Stop the attack and pursue insight instead by taking on the perspective of the other person.
6. Choose an agreeable point of entry. Gardner offers two less-direct strategies:
a) Find links between your case and individual points of appeal
b) demonstrate your willingness to be flexible by picking something you’ve been resisting and trying it (Gardner calls this
“embodiment”).
7. Mix up the meeting place. A change of context can help to break patterns of thought.
8. Think like a teenager (You’re probably thinking God help us!). Before you panic, understand that by this, Gardner means asking the question “What are the possibilities?” because the question opens “a wider panorama” of possibilities.
Hopefully you will be able to successfully rethink your own convictions and encourage those around you to do the same with these interesting and useful tactics for changing your mindset!
Tags: Changing Your Mind, Faux Flexibility, Felxibility, Opening Your Mind
December 19, 2011 How to Give a Humiliation-Free Toast
By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
Needless to say, I’m always looking for hints and suggestions on how to avoid humiliating and embarrassing situations. Because I’m a career and life coach, I often help people to deal with difficult or touchy situations with as much finesse, sensitivity, and effectiveness as possible. Being the ‘Toast-Giver’ at your next special event is a perfect time to make an impression and send a message to a group, but this situation requires the utmost tact.
We have all been part of the audience during many an unsuccessful toast. (I can picture the rolling eyes and snickers now as someone who has had a little too much to drink or who’s rambling holds a roomful of people hostage!)
How can you ensure that the toast you give this holiday season (or any other season, for that matter) stays the impressive course and avoids becoming your most humiliating moment? We’ve entered toasting season, folks!
The Toast-Giver’s Survival Guide
What’s Your Subject?
Every toast should have a subject. This should not be difficult to discern—for what reason have you all gathered today? Whether for a holiday party, wedding, graduation, or birthday, the major message of your toast should reflect the event’s specific occasion.
Practice Makes Perfect
There are certain events that you know bring with them the tradition of a toast made by a particular significant figure. If you’re anticipating being called on to make a speech, prepare one ahead of time and practice it on someone close to you who you can trust.
Know Your Audience
Always assess the formality of the group and event. Take a cue from others who made toasts or speeches before you and, when in doubt, always keep your comments as respectful and professional as possible.
Don’t Burn the Toast!
When giving a toast, brevity is always key. Avoid causing the waves of rolling eyes by sticking to your main message and speaking from your heart to avoid rambling.
Be Sober
I don’t think I need to paint a picture for you here—it’s pretty obvious what happens when someone misjudges their level of inebriation and subjects a room to their long, blush-inducing speech. If you hope to make a toast, abstain from the sauce until you’re finished.
Follow these rules and make sure that your toast is remembered for the right reasons!
Happy Holidays!
Margaret
Tags: Holiday Party Etiquette, Holiday Speeches, How to Give a Speech, How to Give a Toast, Toasting
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