Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

August 14, 2024 Remember to Laugh (using humor as a tool)

The world can be a serious place. Whether you’re dealing with personal or familial problems, or thinking about the world at large, troubles seem to abound. Everywhere we turn, we’re bombarded with bad news about politics, crime, the environment, and on and on. And all these hardships and worries can seriously test our resilience.

What to do? Of course, there are proactive measure you can take to better your personal circumstances or to make a positive contribution to your community, nation, or world. You could volunteer, donate, take classes (or share your own skills), etc., etc.

While those proactive steps are wonderful, you may not feel like being so active and involved every single day. Some days, you simply need to take care of yourself—your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. Aside from the basics (eating healthy meals, exercising, getting enough sleep), one way to boost your resilience is to have a good laugh.

While it may sound simplistic, laughter really can be the best medicine. It can make us feel lighter and happier. It can give us mental clarity, or help us forge connections with those around us. Even during our toughest, darkest periods, laughter can ease our pain or enable us to cope with grief, anxiety, or heartache.

In addition to mental and emotional benefits, laughter can also provide physical benefits. In a Psychology Today article, researcher and author Robyne Hanley-Dafoe says, “Laughter is the body’s natural painkiller, allowing the body to release endorphins.” She goes on to say, “In the shorter term, it activates and releases your stress response and soothes away built-up tension. In the long term, research suggests laughter improves our immune system, relieves pain in the moment, and increases our pain threshold.”

How can you seek more opportunities to include laughter in your life? I suggest any of the following:

Stop Taking Life So Seriously

Everyone makes mistakes, has occasional bad luck, or goes through difficult times. But try not to be so hard on yourself. Laugh at your own foibles and find the humor in life’s absurdities. If you can, try to find the funny side of situations and let the little annoyances slide.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

Some people seem dead-set on being miserable, and they (unfortunately) can be very good at making others miserable as well. Do your best to distance yourself from this type of person. Instead, surround yourself with people who will make you laugh, provide a healthy dose of positivity, and who can see the lighter side of life.

Seek Humorous Entertainment

Whether it’s a comedy show, a funny movie, or a witty podcast, try seeking entertainment that will make you laugh. Laughter is contagious, so surrounding yourself with humorous content can boost your mood and outlook. Additionally, reading or watching something lighthearted can provide a much-needed mental break from the stresses of daily life.

Have Perspective

If you bombed your PowerPoint presentation or accidentally left your car window open in the rain, that can be annoying or embarrassing, but is it really the end of the world? Instead of dwelling too much on small mishaps, try to step back and gain some perspective. Will this matter in a week? A month? A year? Putting things into that larger context can help you avoid getting bogged down by minor issues. Instead, you can learn from your mistakes, move forward, and find the humor in the situation.

In the face of life’s challenges, don’t forget to make time for laughter. Laughter is a powerful tool that can boost your resilience and help you weather life’s storms. By making a proactive effort to laugh more and not take life so seriously, you can cultivate a mindset that helps you better navigate life’s challenges.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , , ,

August 7, 2024 Why to Occasionally Let Go of Mental Toughness

Many people I know (especially female professionals) put a lot of pressure on themselves. They attempt to do “everything for everyone.” They convince themselves they need to be perfect. They stretch themselves too thin. All the while, these overworked individuals march forward, not allowing themselves a break, time to vent, or the grace to seek support.

We do NOT have to be this mentally tough at all times. In fact, it can be beneficial to take off our armor from time to time. Why?

Because always being mentally tough can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and a lack of self-care. It’s important to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, ask for help, and take breaks when needed. Embracing our humanity and accepting our limitations can actually make us stronger in the long run. Additionally, allowing ourselves to be imperfect and to seek support when necessary is a sign of strength, not weakness.

But how can you tell when you need to slow down, step away, or seek help? Some signs include:

  • Regularly feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious
  • Having difficulty concentrating or making decisions
  • Neglecting self-care activities like exercise, healthy eating, or sleep
  • Increased irritability or moodiness
  • Withdrawing from friends, family, or beloved activities
  • Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue

Recognizing these signs and taking steps to address them, such as prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support, can help you prevent burnout and maintain a healthy, balanced life. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to acknowledge when you need to slow down and take care of yourself. It takes plenty of courage to speak up, make a change, or ask for help!

Taking action can ultimately help build your resilience and effectiveness in the long run. Keep in mind, you’re running a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s important to pace yourself. Remember, self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary for maintaining your physical and mental well-being.

In short, you don’t have to be mentally tough all the time. Embrace your humanity, be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to step back when you need to recharge. Your strength lies in your ability to recognize and address your needs.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , , ,

July 31, 2024 The Power of Forgiveness

As we move through life, we will inevitably deal with less-than-ideal interactions and experiences. Unfortunately, these disagreeable moments have a tendency to stick with us. Studies have revealed that people have a negativity bias, which (it is theorized) is caused by our brain’s tendency to notice things that are dangerous or potentially harmful in order to protect us. So, we often absorb the bad while glossing over the good.

While our negativity bias may be intended to help us, it can also hurt us if we dwell on the negative too long. Being constantly angry, frustrated, or annoyed is damaging on many levels. It can affect our mental and physical wellbeing (elevating heartrates and increasing muscle tension). It can impact our relationships with others. Or, it can impede our ability to be productive and energized.

In my experience, one of the most effective ways of shedding this negativity—and those feelings of anger, frustration, and annoyance—is to practice forgiveness.

You probably encounter dozens of annoying situations every day. Perhaps a co-worker didn’t make a deadline or forgot to schedule an appointment with an important client. Maybe your family has made a mess in the house. Or, maybe the barista behind the counter messed up your order. Whatever the case, we can deal with these situations in two ways:

1) Get angry and hold a grudge

2) Acknowledge the annoyance, move on, and forgive

It’s okay to be temporarily frustrated or upset. It’s fine for your negativity bias to kick in. However, these reactions become problematic when we cling to them too long—when we dwell on them and let them take over our day.

A bit part of moving past a problem involves forgiveness, especially when it comes to little, everyday annoyances. If you do not forgive, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy being mad and stewing over the situation. This isn’t to say you should let bad behavior slide; instead, it’s a good idea to address the problem, forgive, and move on. Take the example of your co-worker missing a deadline.

If a co-worker fails to complete a project on time, that can be incredibly frustrating (especially if it’s an important project OR if this is a common behavior). Instead of seething in your office or complaining to other co-workers, I encourage you to face the problem head on. Talk to the person directly, explain the impact of their actions (on you and the company), and strategize ways to meet future deadlines. If you are a leader and this person is one of your team members, you may also discuss disciplinary actions that will be taken if the problem persists.

Once you’ve worked out a solution, make a conscious effort to forgive that person and move on.

The same actions can be applied in other situations. If the Starbucks barista messes up your order, you can politely approach the window, explain the error, and say that you have no problem waiting for a new coffee. This all boils down to three steps:

1. Come up with a solution

2. Forgive

3. Move on

While your negativity bias is trying to help you, long-term negativity will only harm you. Shed your resentments, do your best to forgive, and keep moving forward. You’ll be happier in the long run, and you’ll feel lighter without the weight of all those grudges.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , ,