Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

Tag Archives: Margaret Smith life coach

November 19, 2025 Surrounding Yourself with Kindness

Photo by Brittani Burns on Unsplash

You have a choice, and it’s one of the most important choices you can make: You can choose who to surround yourself with. This week, let’s talk about why the people around you matter and how to weed out toxicity (and choose kindness) in your life.

Why “Your People” Matter

Have you ever dropped food coloring into clear water? Even a few drops can taint an entire pitcher, changing it from clear to bright green, or red, or blue. And if you give it a stir, the color will take hold even quicker, disguising the clear water entirely.

This is how toxic relationships can leak into our lives. Even a single toxic individual (like a single drop of food coloring) can ruin our day, dim our joy, or make us not want to show up for work. And two or three individuals can ruin things even quicker. Even if you have a sunny personality and are able to block out some toxicity (deflecting it like a piece of cheese cloth might ward off the drops of food coloring), that toxicity has a way of eventually soaking through.

In short, who we surround ourselves with matters. If the people you see on a regular basis tend to criticize and naysay, you’ll likely find yourself drained and depleted at the end of the day. On the other hand, if you’re surrounded by people who cheer you on, believe in you, and regularly uplift you, you’ll likely feel more energized, fortified, and affirmed.

Therapist John Kim wrote in a Psychology Today article, “…ask yourself who around you is draining you, sucking your energy and taking you hostage, making you feel insecure and less than, not supporting you and your story. What relationships in your life are lopsided? But more importantly, what you are going to do about it?”

What to Do About It

It can be difficult to know how to deal with a person (or people) who are, frankly, jerks. You might not be able to avoid a particular co-worker, for instance, or you might have to occasionally deal with a toxic friend or family member. However, there are a few proactive steps you can take:

Set Boundaries

If a friend is constantly dimming your light, you can choose to limit the time you spend with that person. If a co-worker is always naysaying ideas, you can push back with positivity (“Okay, we’ve heard from Susan what won’t work for this project. Who has an idea about what could work?”). Or, you might try to limit your interactions with them (scheduling fewer meetings, opting to only answer their emails once per day, etc.).

Surround Yourself with Kindness

Though we can’t always pick who we interact with, we can at times. You have the power to choose friends who uplift you and cheer you on. You can spend your time in committees and social groups that are positive and affirming, rather than ones that gossip and/or tear others down. You can also choose (in some cases) to focus your time on co-workers and family members who you enjoy being around. Remember: you are not obligated to upkeep friendships or acquaintances, just because you have known the other person for a long time. Sometimes, it’s okay to prune certain relationships from your life.

Talk Things Over

In certain cases, such as with close friends, family, or co-workers you see regularly, you may want to engage in a conversation about how they show up. John Kim suggests to “come from a place of care and concern, then tell them how their actions and energy are impacting you and the relationship.” Accusations and insults will lead nowhere, but constructive feedback could. It could be that the other person is unaware of how their words or actions are affecting you. Or maybe they are going through a rough patch and inadvertently taking out their frustrations on the people around them. A gentle and tactful conversation might illuminate those things for them.

Don’t let your well become tainted with toxicity! Understand how impactful the people around you can be and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and infuse your life with positivity. You probably have more power over who you allow into your life than you realize.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

Tags: , , , , ,

November 5, 2025 Stop Waiting for Permission

Photo by Ugur Arpaci on Unsplash

Are you waiting for a “sign” to take that next big step or shift your life in a new direction? Have you been hoping your boss will give you a promotion? Or the go-ahead to pursue an exciting new project? Or maybe you’re waiting for circumstances to be “just right” before acting.

Unfortunately, you might be waiting a very long time for “that thing” to materialize. Instead, I encourage you to stop waiting for permission and just go for it. Take the leap.

Trained to Wait

Many of us have grown accustomed to waiting for permission. As school kids, we had to ask permission for everything—from going to the bathroom to using craft supplies during break. In the office, we might need to ask permission for a budget increase, implementing a new marketing strategy, or focusing on an out-of-the-box area. Many initiatives need multiple people to give their stamps of approval before they can go forward.

We have become used to waiting and hoping things will move forward.

But if we apply this mentality to ourselves, we might simply stall out or become stagnant. The promotion might never come, the dream project might pass us by, we might remain stuck on a path that isn’t quite right for us. Sometimes, we have to be the ones to power our own engines and light our own paths. We can’t count on someone else to do it for us.

Taking a Leap

Just “going for it” can sometimes be scary. As a career coach, I’ve talked with many people who wanted to pursue an entirely different career path, but they were frozen with fear. What if they failed? What if they didn’t end up liking the new path? Or had to take a temporary pay cut? With so many doubts, their inclination was often to wait “until the time was right.” But, guess what? The time was never “right.” They could always point to some obstacle or inconvenience that held them back.

Rather than change their circumstances, they mainly had to change their perspectives. They had to realize that no one was going to come to them and say, “You now have permission to switch career paths.” They had to be the ones taking the initiative and, eventually, taking the leap.

That didn’t mean they couldn’t prepare for the leap. Just the opposite, in fact. Once they decided they would, indeed, make the change they had been waiting to make, they could take steps to facilitate it. That might mean saving extra money, taking classes, or learning a new skill. They were actively working toward making the change, rather than waiting for permission to do so.

Going For It

What are you waiting on in your life? Are you hoping to introduce an exciting initiative to your company? Do you want to shift your responsibilities at work? Learn how to paint? Travel to a new country? Change careers? Hike the Camino trail in Spain? Get a raise or a title change?

No matter your ambitions, it’s important to realize that opportunities rarely land in one’s lap. Instead of waiting for someone to give you permission, ACT. Instead of hoping change will happen, FACILITATE that change. Believe that your future is in your hands, and go for it. The timing will never be perfect, so why not start now?

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

Tags: , , , , ,

August 20, 2025 Summer Slump? Here’s How to Re-energize

Different people respond to the summer months in different ways. They might energize and invigorate you, motivating you in all areas of your life. Or…you might slip into vacation mode and have trouble concentrating on your work or mustering the energy to tackle your to-do list. If you fall into the latter category, I have some ideas to help pull you from your summer slump. 

Limit Distractions

When you’d rather be riding your bike, relaxing at the beach, barbecuing outdoors, or doing anything else besides working, it’s easy to become distracted. Help pull your concentration back to your work by closing all games and social media sites on your laptop, putting your phone in airplane mode, or installing an app that limits your social media or internet browsing time. Cutting distractions will help you be more present and limit the temptation to procrastinate.

Set Timers 

When you’re having trouble getting motivated, try setting a timer and working on one project for 15 or 20 minutes. No stopping, no splitting your attention between multiple projects or screens. Just one project for the designated amount of time. Then, take a break (or keep working if you’re still motivated). After your break, set another timer and keep going. It’s incredible how a definite endpoint can help a task feel much more manageable.

Use Fun to Propel You

There’s no need to deprive yourself of summertime fun. In fact, you can use it to motivate you. Tell yourself, “If I answer X number of emails, I can go get ice cream after work.” OR: “If I finish analyzing the data on this spreadsheet, I’ll reward myself with a trip to the lake this weekend.” There’s nothing wrong with a shameless self-bribe!

Take a Meaningful Break

Sometimes, it’s best to fully remove yourself from work and responsibilities for a time if you want to truly re-energize yourself. Consider planning a getaway for a week or two, and leave your work behind. Give your team plenty of warning, set an email vacation responder, and make it clear that you won’t be answering work emails or phone calls while you’re away. It’s amazing how many “emergencies” can work themselves out. 

If summer has got you feeling less than motivated to go to the office or tackle work projects, I hope you will take the time to try some or all of these strategies. Even with the sunshine and aromas of barbecue beckoning, it is possible to maintain your concentration, get energized, and propel yourself forward. 

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , ,