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July 23, 2025 What is Collective Grief? (and how could it be affecting you)

Grief is a complex emotion. Although it is often associated with bereavement and death, it can crop up in several other ways. You can grieve a former job, a house or city where you used to live, or a former lifestyle you once had. The common thread is loss. To make matters more complicated, grief can be a collective experience. 

What is Collective Grief? 

Collective grief is a term used to describe the sentiment of loss as experienced by a group of people. The group can be quite large (i.e. an entire nation) or smaller (a family or community group). Collective grief is often associated with a major tragedy or difficulty—a natural disaster, war, financial turmoil, a pandemic, etc. This type of upheaval can result in a sense of loss, or the feeling that things will never be the same. 

If you are an empathetic person, you do not necessarily have to experience a certain tragedy or its side effects firsthand to go through grief or loss. For example, you might mourn the loss of a city that was decimated by an earthquake, or you may grieve for the families of those who have been jailed or deported. This type of grief isn’t any less valid. It just means you’re human, and you care for your fellow human beings. 

Collective grief can be powerful and long-lasting. Furthermore, it’s possible to experience this type of grief without even realizing it. 

How Collective Grief Can Show Up in Your Life 

When you’ve been affected by an event or a change, your behavior or outlook may be altered, whether subtly or overt. Here are five ways you might manifest collective grief in everyday life:

  1. Difficulty Concentrating

When you’re enduring grief, you may find your attention wandering or have difficulty focusing on tasks. This can be exacerbated during times of collective grief, as the weight of the situation can feel overwhelming.

  1. Increased Irritability

Grief can make you feel on edge, causing you to snap at loved ones or co-workers more easily. This short temper may be a way of coping with the underlying emotional turmoil. The important thing is to recognize when you’re behaving irrationally, so you can make a concerted effort to amend this behavior.

  1. Changes in Sleep or Appetite

You may find yourself sleeping more or less than usual, or experiencing a loss of appetite. These physiological changes are the body’s way of dealing with the stress of grief. Again, awareness is key. If you’re noticing changes in sleep or appetite, it’s a good idea to address these issues head on (possibly with the guidance and support of a professional).

  1. Decreased Productivity

During periods of collective grief, you may find it harder to complete tasks or maintain your usual level of productivity. This can stem from the emotional and mental drain that comes with processing widespread loss or upheaval. It’s important to be patient with yourself during these times.

  1. Feeling Hopeless or Downtrodden

When experiencing collective grief, you may find yourself feeling defeated or hopeless, as the magnitude of the situation can feel overwhelming. This sense of despair can make it difficult to see a path forward. It’s important to remember that these feelings are a natural response to loss and change, and that with time and self-compassion, they will eventually subside.

The experience of collective grief can be isolating, as the loss or upheaval may be felt by a large group, yet each person’s individual response can vary. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are a natural reaction and to seek support from others who may be going through a similar process. By acknowledging the collective nature of the grief, individuals can find solace in the shared experience and work towards healing together. Reaching out to a mental health professional or joining a support group can provide valuable tools for navigating the complexities of collective grief.

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June 11, 2025 Taking Real (Not Performative) Actions

Photo by Kyle Head from Unsplash.com

Have you ever felt like a person or business was putting on a show for their own gain? They may have made some kind of gesture or action that seemed helpful or kind on the surface, but when you looked a little closer, this act was really self-serving or ingenuine. Maybe it was a CEO apologizing (but not really apologizing) for some kind of misstep. Or maybe a business donated to a certain political party…and also donated to the competing party.

Gestures such as these would likely make you pause, do a double-take, and question the authenticity of the person, group, or business. That’s because there is a huge difference between genuine actions and performative ones. Genuine actions come from the heart. They are meaningful and substantial. And most importantly, they are done without the expectation of public acknowledgment or thanks.

On the other hand, performative or symbolic actions lack substance. Often, they are done publicly, to bolster the image of a person or business. The people or organizations that are supposedly benefitting from the performative action come second—they’re an afterthought. The most important thing is the boost the performer gets, whether that boost is related to image, finances, or ego.

Examples of Performative Actions

One type of performative action is supporting a marginalized group during a specific time of year (Black History Month, Women’s History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, etc.) for the sole purpose of profiting off that group. Or, perhaps a company sends out a cheery office-wide email recognizing an important issue (Happy Mental Health Month! Here is a list of 10 ways to practice self-care…), but then fails to take any real action to improve that issue (therapy programs, mental health leave, grief counseling, etc.).

Performance could also happen on a smaller scale. The late Pope Francis used the season of Lent as an example, saying that although giving something up (such as meat or chocolate) could be noble, it is more meaningful to do good works or take genuine steps to help others. He suggested fifteen simple “acts of love” as an alternative. These included saying “hello” and “thank you” to others, reminding people how much you love them, celebrating others’ successes, and donating to those in need. These small actions might not get you much credit or external recognition, but that’s not the point. The point is to quietly and authentically make the world a better place.

Choosing Authenticity

How do you make sure you’re acting authentically and not putting on a performance? Or, on a larger scale, how can you make sure your business is acting with genuine motives?

A great test is to think about your purpose or intentions (or the intentions of the business). Are you genuinely concerned about a cause and want to help? Or are you more concerned with how your actions are being perceived? Are you okay with receiving zero recognition for your actions? Or are you hoping for praise and accolades? These questions might warrant some contemplation—time to really sit and honestly consider your intentions.

Keep in mind: People can often see through a performance. If you act genuinely and have the right intentions, that will take you a long way in all aspects of life. It’s all about intention and carrying out that intention in a forthright way.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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March 19, 2025 5 Strategies for Being Heard

Photo by Oleg Laptev on Unsplash

Do you sometimes feel like your voice isn’t being heard? Do others tend to dominate the conversation, putting forth their ideas and perspectives without giving you a turn to speak? Whether you’re dealing with interactions in your personal life or the workplace, it is incredibly frustrating to be silenced.

This silencing can happen for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re naturally quiet or laid back. Perhaps the people dominating the conversation are especially loud or domineering (or, in some cases, even narcissistic). Or maybe the workplace culture or social norms dictate who normally speaks and is listened to. Whatever the case, it is possible to break through the barrier and be heard.

Keep in mind, your thoughts, opinions, points of view, and ideas are valuable. You bring fresh perspectives to the table, and your views are worthwhile. Not to mention, assertive people are the ones who normally get raises and promotions; they’re noticed, and people listen to them. You can be that person. Here are five suggestions to get started:

Enter with Confidence

You set the tone for a conversation as soon as you enter a room or log into a Zoom meeting. Your body language can exude confidence and savviness…or it can show timidness and insecurity. To develop the confidence you need, I suggest preparing as best you can for the meeting or conversation. Do your due diligence and learn whatever background information you need to be a confident contributor. You could even practice reciting a few sentences in the mirror (practicing out loud really does help).

Then, focus on your body language. Keep your shoulders up, head high, and a pleasantly confident expression on your face. Pay attention to what is being said, and understand when your input might be valuable.

Stop Interrupters

If someone interrupts you in the middle of a sentence, put a stop to it, if possible. Sometimes interruptions happen in the natural flow of conversation, but other times they are chronic and consistent and need to be stopped. To stop an interrupter, try holding up your hand and saying something to direct attention back to you. Some examples are:

“Wait. I know you want to jump in, but I wasn’t quite finished.”

“Great point. I’ll address that when I’m done speaking.”

“Hold on, please. I’m almost done making my point.”

Anticipate the Interruption

If interruptions are the norm in certain groups or settings, you can set yourself up for success by preemptively addressing that problem. When you start speaking, try opening with a sentence like, “I would like two uninterrupted minutes to make an additional point.” Or: “I know many of you are eager to share, but I would love to say one thing before anyone else gives their input.” Then, proceed.

By opening with such a statement you’re setting up a clear expectation. You will say your piece, and then others will have a turn.

Find an Advocate/Partner

If your efforts to be heard are not bearing fruit, it may be a good idea to confide in someone else who is regularly in the same meetings or conversations. Confide in this person privately and let them know your frustrations. It’s possible they have no clue that you’re feeling silenced or left out. Once they’re aware of the issue, ask if they would be willing to subtly include you in meetings. This could mean saying something like, “We haven’t heard from Catherine yet. I’m curious if she has any ideas.” Or: “Catherine, you seem to want to say something. What’s on your mind?” Or: “Hold up, Roger. I think Catherine was in the middle of saying something. Let’s hear her out before you take your turn.”

Talk to Your Interrupter

In some cases, depending on your relationship with the person or people who chronically interrupt you, it may be best to be direct. If you feel comfortable enough with someone to have an honest conversation, do so and let them know how you feel. You might say something like the following:

“I always appreciate your enthusiasm in meetings, but lately it feels like there’s no room for my voice. Do you suppose I could have the floor for a few minutes next time?”

“I didn’t get much of a chance to offer my perspective at yesterday’s meeting. At our next one, I would love just two or three minutes of uninterrupted floor time.”

“I had several thoughts during our last meeting, but I didn’t have a chance to express them. Could I kick off our next meeting with a few uninterrupted minutes of speaking time?

I suggest having this conversation in person, rather than over email or a messaging app, so you can talk civilly and not blow things out of proportion.

Don’t let those who are the loudest and most confident (or aggressive) always get air time. You, and your quieter colleagues and friends, have valuable things to say and contribute, and your voices deserve to be heard. With a few intentional strategies and actions, you should be able to amplify your voice and confidently deliver your message.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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