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Tag Archives: Life Coaching

December 12, 2012 Intentional Holiday Planning (So You Can Focus On What’s Really Important)

Piggybacking on last week’s post on thankfulness during the holiday bustle, this week I want to talk about being intentional this season. By that, I mean you should decide ahead of time what you and your family truly love about the holidays and make a point to make your traditions, activities, or parties truly count.

There are three great ways to accomplish this:

1. Limit your holidays to a few simple, yet meaningful activities. Perhaps this means you sit down with the family and decide on a list of things everyone loves about the season. Focus on activities that encourage community and bonding. And keep it simple!

2. Say no! This is a really just an extension of the first point. There are countless Christmas brunches, holiday parties, caroling groups, baking sessions and extended family reunions to attend. Remember: you are not obligated to do it all, nor should you! If you feel that you’re in over your head this season, it’s a good sign that you have over-committed yourself. I’ve found that my holidays are much worse when I’m too active; things become more about getting everything done and making every gathering on time, and less about the joy in baking, or the pleasure in reuniting with old friends or extended family.

3. Be adaptable. Many people fall into the “trap of tradition” during their holidays. I’m not saying that tradition is bad; in fact, I love having traditions! The “trap” I’m talking about refers to people who feel that they must recreate the same Christmas or Hanukkah year after year, and that if they don’t, they’ve somehow failed. Remember: every tradition started when a person thought of a new way to celebrate. Feel free to wander off the path of tradition, and embrace the inevitable hiccups or botched plans that are bound to occur in the midst of the hectic holidays. Who knows, maybe a so-called “botched” old tradition will become your most memorable new tradition!

This holiday season, don’t stretch yourself too thin.  Be intentional; be thoughtful.  Focus on what really matters: friends, family, and communion. All your holiday activities–baking cookies, decorating the tree, planning a family gathering, or even shopping–are all meant to enrich your relationships with those around you, and the activities themselves are meaningless without this dynamic.

Keep in mind that your holidays don’t have to be “just right”! If you’re surrounded by loved ones and engaged in what you love to do, then your holidays are exactly as they should be.

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December 5, 2012 Thankfulness: The Antidote to Holiday Stress

Well, Thanksgiving is over and the Holiday season has kicked into full gear. Stores are playing Christmas music nonstop, Starbucks has switched their cups over to their holiday color scheme, Christmas lists cover the front of refrigerators everywhere, and for those of us who live in Minnesota, we’re beginning to experience that familiar, tundra-like weather our state is known for.

Holidays are meant to be relaxing, warm and joyful; a time to reflect and commune with friends and family. But for most of us, stress is a big factor in preparing for the holidays, which makes it difficult to keep the whole point in sight.

I think thankfulness is a great antidote to holiday stress. Yes, Thanksgiving has passed, but does that mean we should reserve feeling thankful for our blessings to just one day?

Of course not!

As you take on the tasks of coordinating dinners with relatives, filling up the calender with baking, shopping, cleaning and decorating, keep the word “thankful” at the front of your mind. You have a home to decorate. You have friends and family to be with. You have a year’s worth of trials, challenges and victories to share with those you love.

Perhaps you read this blog because you’ve had trouble with either finding a job or with finding joy in the job you have. If so, maybe the holiday season for you is a time to gain perspective. Life can be trying, but with every failure comes new-found strength and wisdom. There is always opportunity, even in these tough times. And we should be thankful for everything we have, no matter the circumstances.

And believe me, I’m no expert on this. I’m not immune to holiday stress. But I’ve made a point to tell myself, “I don’t have to pick up my son from the airport, I get to.” Replacing the word “have” with “get” is a simple, yet effective way to change my attitude from stressed to thankful. With everything I do in preparation, I try to say, “I’m thankful for the chance to give gifts of love to my friends and family. I’m thankful for the opportunity to open my home to loved ones and provide a warm and happy space. I’m thankful for this time to reflect and grow as I look back on the year’s accomplishments and shortcomings.”

And you know what? I truly am thankful for these things. It’s just a matter of reminding myself of this, instead of getting lost in the distraction of the holiday bustle. When I dwell on my gratitude, I find that my stress and anxiety diminish, enabling me to embrace the true holiday spirit.

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November 28, 2012 Where Do Courage and Vulnerability Meet?

In her new book, Daring Greatly, psychologist and speaker Brené Brown shares a surprising revelation: courage comes from being vulnerable.

At first, this confused me. Isn’t courage about inner strength? About self-confidence and boldness? Where does vulnerability fit in a courageous life?

But Brown makes an important clarification early on: “Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure everyday are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement.”

The act of living will always bring uncertainty, risk and the likelihood of being letdown. We are all vulnerable. So, our options are to either learn to deal with this, or to construct barriers trying to avoid it.

While we instinctively tend toward the latter as a way to fight against our imperfections, this is actually a sign of our “fear and disconnection.” Yet Brown says we can measure our courage by how fully we engage in the world despite the fact this makes us vulnerable.

We don’t have enough time to perfect ourselves or become immune to vulnerability. Yet even if we did, would it be worth sacrificing countless enriching life experiences just to avoid getting our feathers rustled every so often?

“Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.”

Courage, then, results naturally from embracing our vulnerability. But what does this look like on a daily level?

1. Allow yourself (and others) room to fail. While it is important to have high standards, you shouldn’t set them too high so as to leave no space for messing up. Messing up is how we grow. Whether these are standards for yourself, for your friends, your children or your coworkers, be sure that you leave some wiggle room. Build your expectations around the fact that you and everyone else will at some point come up short. And be excited about this! For this is where true growth happens.

“When shame becomes a management style, engagement dies. When failure is not an option we can forget about learning, creativity, and innovation.”

2. Make decisions based on your own beliefs and convictions. …Not on how likely you think a decision will expose you to vulnerability. Stick to your what you believe in, and be aware that you’ll probably criticized. But true courage means acting in the manner you feel is best for you regardless of outside resistance.

3. Failure is not the end of the world, but the beginning of a breakthrough. When you do encounter moments of vulnerability, take it in stride. You’ll learn from this. You’ll be forced to tackle the problem differently. You’ll grow. Embracing this truth is a courage in and of itself; it demonstrates that you truly believe that you are worthy no matter how well you perform.

We all could use a little courage as the holiday season descends upon us. So stay tuned these next few weeks, as I’ll talk about ways to manage holiday-induced stress, methods of task delegation, and keeping the real purpose of the holidays in our sights in the midst of the busy season.

Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live (New York: Gotham Books).

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