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Tag Archives: Life Coaching

May 29, 2013 Being Consistent About Being Consistent

Whether it’s achieving a personal goal, boosting your business or developing relationships, perhaps the most important ingredient to success in any of these endeavors is consistency.

That’s all well and good, but what does this look like? How do we attain it? In other words, how does a person remain consistent about being consistent?

Widening the parameters

“One of the problems with temptations,” writes professor of psychology Timothy A. Pychyl, “is that they can seem relatively harmless. It seems so reasonable and seductive to conclude that not running ‘just today’ won’t harm our long-term health goals, and that eating that jelly donut won’t ruin our weight-loss goal.”

It’s true, one jelly donut won’t make you fat. But that isn’t the point, is it? A person becomes unhealthy by repeating unhealthy behavior over time. It’s not the one jelly donut, it’s the very many “just one” jelly donuts. By keeping the parameters strictly in the present, we actually make the problem worse.

A solution is to view your actions on a wider time-scale, as links in a chain which create an overall pattern of behavior. With a broader picture of your actions in mind, it becomes clear that “just this one” is really one of a great many. Change the action at the immediate level on a daily basis, and soon you’ll change the pattern entirely.

Consistency reinforces itself

It’s sobering knowing that one bad action leads to a pattern, but the good news is that this works in the reverse too. Since behaviors come in bundles, we can modify a single action every day knowing that this will soon develop into a bigger life pattern. In other words, don’t worry about taking on a huge self-improvement project. Focus on daily actions and feel good about those.

Speaking of which, I’m sure you’ve found that feeling good about your actions is addictive. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: you don’t need to feel guilty about feeling good about yourself! Use it to your advantage.

Consistency reveals character

We’re familiar with the phrase, “actions speak louder than words.” I’m guessing you’ve also experienced that terrible disconnect between your own actions and words. This is the result of a lack of consistency. In an ideal world, what you believe and what you do should line up perfectly. We don’t live in an ideal world, so you can forget about any idea of perfection. But what you can do is work toward consistency between your inner and outer selves. Act on your principles–little things, everyday. Clean up after the messes you’ll inevitably make, apologize for your inconsistencies, but keep forming new links in positive behavior chain.

One link, everyday!

Psychology Today. “More Effective Goal Intentions: Think Width and Consistency.” Accessed May 28, 2013. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/dont-delay/201011/more-effective-goal-intentions-think-width-and-consistency

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April 17, 2013 Is It The Job, Or Your Attitude?

We spend at least 40 hours a week at our job. That’s almost one third of our waking lives. So we better darn well get satisfaction from all that time and effort.

To recap on last week, Cal Newport’s book, So Good They Can’t Ignore You highlights three components that result in job satisfaction:

Autonomy – feeling like you have some control of your job, and that your actions make a difference

Competence – knowing that you are good at what you do

Relatedness – being able to connect with your coworkers

Newport contrasts these “ingredients,” as he calls them, with the pervasive belief that passions lead to success. Instead of following your passions, Newport argues that becoming very good at what you do, and knowing that it makes a difference, transforms a droll job into a rewarding career.

But let’s narrow the focus today to you and your job. Do you feel you have control of your own work? Does it make a difference? Are you valued? And can you relate with your coworkers?

Answering these honestly will give you a clue as to why you may feel dissatisfied with your work.

From here, the first thing to do is to take ownership of your skills. You can blame your job and your circumstances all you like, and you may have good reasons to do so. But this won’t change a thing. Become determined, if only for your own satisfaction, to master the skills needed to excel in your field.

There is no excuse not to work toward mastery, because no one has ever mastered anything completely. Take Jiro Ono, for instance. Widely considered the best sushi chef in the world, 85 year old Ono tirelessly pursues perfection in his craft, as depicted in the award-winning documentary, “Jiro Dreams Of Sushi.” His age and position in the culinary world don’t deter him from chasing after perfection.

So, you can always get better. While at work, take a personal inventory of areas in which you need to improve, and occupy your day with trying to master the skills your job requires. You feel better when you know that your work is valued and desired. Aim to be sought after.

Second, look at your past to boost your confidence about your present situation. Leadership coaches Amy Jen Su and Muriel Maignan Wilkins write: “To strengthen your confidence, first face the facts. When you look to your past, you’ll realize that successes often outweigh failures. And more importantly, that you survived through the failures and gleaned priceless lessons along the way.”

Looking back puts things in perspective. You may just realize that although your present job may not be ideal (and no job is), you have it now because of your accomplishments, qualifications and perseverance leading up to where you are now. This should give you some confidence and reassurance of your decisions.

References

Newport, Cal. So Good They Can’t Ignore You. New York: Hachette Book Group, 2012.

Su, Amy Jen, and Muriel Maignan Wilkins. “To Strengthen Your Confidence, Look to Your Past.” Harvard Business Review, April 11, 2013. Accessed April 17, 2013. http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/04/to_strengthen_your_confidence.html

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April 12, 2013 The Difference Between Skills And Passions When It Comes To A Great Job

In his book, So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Cal Newport makes a startling observation: “When it comes to creating work you love, following your passion is not particularly useful advice.”

How can this be? Don’t passions lead to great careers? That’s the common thinking, but Newport found that this is actually a dangerous way to search for a rewarding career. Your passions don’t always translate well from what you’re interested in to what you do for work, for one thing. For another, how can you know what a career will be like if before you’ve tried it? An aspiring musician may be passionate about music, but can they honestly say they’ll be happy with music for a career? Of course not; after all, I don’t think any of us have ever had a job that perfectly met our initial expectations of it.

Newport isn’t saying that being passionate is a bad thing. He’s instead warning us not to put too much confidence in our passions as the sure way to a rewarding career. It’s the other way around, in fact, as he explains:  “Passion is a side effect of mastery.”

It turns out that  current research (the Self-Determination Theory) has pointed to three main components that make you more motivated in your work:

Autonomy – the feeling that your actions throughout your day matter, and that you have control over your own work

Competence – knowing that you’re good at your work

Relatedness – connection to others in your place of work

These three ingredients, according to the Self-Determination Theory, enable you to achieve mastery in your work, and from there passion and happiness will naturally result. 

That’s right: rewarding careers are created through finding, refining and pursuing your skills, not your passions.

It may take a while longer to enact this principle, but I think Mr. Newport is onto something. We too often give “passion” too much credit when it comes to finding a great job and growing in it.

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Reference:

Newport, Cal. So Good They Can’t Ignore You. New York: Hachette Book Group, 2012.

 

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