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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Tag Archives: Life Coaching

February 1, 2012 How to Give Advice

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
As a career coach, friend, and mother of two, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve given a lot of advice in my time. It’s also safe to say that I’ve received a lot of advice that’s helped me on my way. But what good is all of this exchange of information and opinions if the advice you receive or give is unwanted or flippant? In order to make sure that your role as advisor is a positive and helpful one, I’ve pulled together some pointers of advice giving.

How to Give Advice

1. Make sure that the person is actually looking for advice.We’re all guilty of a little therapeutic venting here and there. Make sure the person in question isn’t just seeking an understanding listener with empathy and compassion.

2. Be an attentive listener before doling out the ‘you should’s. Never assume that you know exactly what is going on, or the needs of someone else. Ask important questions before making suggestions.

3. Try to imagine the situation as if it were your own life. It’s so easy to think we know the solution and downgrade a problem when it’s not our own. Give someone else’s issue the weight it deserves.

4. Give your advice a mental test run. What will be the repercussion of taking your advice? Are there any unconsidered results that would reshape your suggestion?

5. Repeat after me: “There is no such thing as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.” Life is not an exact science, and no situation is as simple as it seems. When you catch yourself seeing in black and white, take a step back and readjust your focus.

6. Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t have an answer or solution. If you’re not comfortable giving advice, or you feel like the issue is beyond your expertise, say so. Remaining honest with the other person builds trust and allows your future input to hold that much more weight.

7. Before offering advice, accept that all that is in your power is to offer the best advice and information that you can. Accept the fact that the decision is not yours to make and that the person comes from a different perspective. Ultimately, the choice belongs to them—always respect this.

As a final note:

Giving advice can be a great way to make a positive energy deposit in someone else, and it allows you to help nurture the life, career, and experiences of another person. Remember to give the power of advice the respect and full consideration it deserves.

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November 28, 2011 Are You Stuck at the Crossroads?

By Margaret Smith
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
Many of my clients tell me that they are interested in making change in their lives. Some of them are dealing with a job loss that has allowed them to realize that they didn’t really like what they were doing before. Sometimes these people decide that they are ready to pursue something different when they reenter the workforce.

Many other clients, of all ages, find themselves at the crossroads and in need of tools to help them move forward. With these common challenges in mind, I’ve created a little exercise to help you think about the changes you hope to make and the steps to make these changes happen.

Moving forward starts in the “now”—understanding where you stand allows you to move forward.

Find a Quiet Place to Consider the Following:

1.   When we feel dissatisfied, it’s natural to jump to the conclusion that everything needs a major overhaul.  Instead of rewriting the entire book, begin by considering what is going well. What is working that you don’t want to change? List four components of your life (this could be your family, community, relationship, job, etc) and explain why you feel they are going well.

2.   Now consider one area you would like to change. What does that changed area look like? What is the first step for creating this change that immediately comes to mind? Imagine your first step has been accomplished. What are the next 3 things that have to happen? Now your game plan is starting to take shape, bringing your vision closer to reality.

3.   Do you worry you don’t have the time? Fill in your typical daily activities on the timeline below. Where could you reclaim an extra 30 minutes? Does that rerun on television or updating your Facebook page 4X/day really deserve your attention?


4.   Admit to yourself that none of this is easy. In fact, creating change can seem daunting, and we are tempted to abandon our efforts when faced with obstacles. Jot down some challenges you expect and a list of people you could call to help. Is there a friend who you consider an expert in developing a business plan, giving professional advice, or writing resumes? Perhaps reaching out to these people is an important step in your creation of change.

5.   Throughout our day we talk to ourselves, and this voice is not always positive. Realize that negative self-talk can stall your efforts. What do you say to yourself regularly that is especially debilitating? Try to let go of two negative messages you send yourself this week. Identify your personal saboteur, give your negative feelings names and banish them from your space. Once you have successfully banished these two, try for the next group.

Interested in having a helping hand effecting change in your life and finding success in your job hunt or your career? Contact UXL Today!

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November 14, 2011 Get a Life

By Margaret Smith
Speaker | Career Coach | Certified Insights Discovery Practitioner

Making your voice heard, being noticed, overcoming your inner saboteur, improving interactions with others: These are many of the topics I discuss with my coaching clients. These are also many of the topics that the writer Julie Morgenstern addresses in her article, “Five Ways to Get a Life” published in O Magazine. Read on for a bunch of useful and fun advice about taking back your life!

Morgenstern’s Advice:

  1. Shorten your work day by 30 minutes: This may seem counter-intuitive, but I promise that you’ll get more work done because committing to leave earlier gives you a deadline and forces you to eliminate the little time wasters (silly interruptions, procrastination, perfectionism) that typically eat up your day.
  2. Avoid multi-tasking: Recent studies show that it can take the brain twice as long to process each task when you switch back and forth between activities. By learning to focus your full attention on one project at a time, you can regain the extra hour or two you crave.
  3. Break the habit of total self-reliance: Insisting on doing everything yourself burdens you and prevents others from feeling valuable and needed. Delegate more at home and free up your time for things you love and excel at doing.
  4. Capture all your to do’s in one place: People who haphazardly write lists on stray notepads, post-it notes, and backs of envelopes waste time wondering what to do next and worrying that they’re forgetting something. Choose only one tool to track everything you need to do and prioritize from the top down.
  5. Schedule one purely joyful activity each week: Think of an activity (dancing, reading, playing an instrument) that you haven’t done for a long time that brings you instant happiness. Put it in your datebook as nonnegotiable and watch the quality of your life improve.

Also try to start each morning with the most important item, not the many small and easy tasks. Remember that you can always squeeze the little things into the gaps.

Your Challenge: Give one of these life-improving ideas a try, and let me know how it transforms your day!

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