Tag Archives: Improving Relationships
February 27, 2013 Take Another Look At Your Weak Points
The fact is, you have strengths. But you also have weaknesses that can get in the way of your goals. I’ve talked a lot about the importance of finding your strengths and developing the skill of being able to plug these into the world around you.
Today, I want to address your weaknesses.
Remember in high school, when your counselor encouraged you to be “well-rounded?” “Pick up an instrument if you’re an athlete,” they said. “Take up painting if you’ve never done it before.” Essentially, they prompted you to flesh out your world and your experiences.
At a certain point, whether we were in high school or college, we honed in on our strengths. We polished them, trained to be able to apply them and, as a result, our focus was taken away from other potential strengths.
I want to talk about the areas in our lives that we’ve abandoned during our drive toward our strengths. It is true we have strengths and weaknesses, yes, but this does not mean that we shouldn’t expand into other areas of interest.
And I don’t mean just pick up another hobby. Hobbies are great, but I’m thinking a bit bigger here. I’m thinking about treading into the dangerous waters. The places you’ve avoided because they were places that made you uncomfortable.
These are the places that truly test you and spurn growth. Staying attached to one strength or skill-set has its advantages, that’s for sure. You can become one of the best at whatever it is you do well. But in the meantime–and this is the downside–you lose a greater perspective of the world. This one life on this Earth contains an immense amount of opportunity, so why would you stick to one bitty corner the whole time?
You know by now that you’re not good at everything. But that doesn’t give you license to simply throw your hands up and say, “This isn’t my strong point,” every time you encounter a situation that plays to your weak points.
This week, consider things you aren’t so good at, and give them another try. You may surprise yourself; the story goes that Einstein failed math in grade school.
Keep on growing!
Tags: Career Coach Advice, Career Coaching, How to Boost Self-Esteem, How to Change Your Life, Improving Relationships, Life Coaching
February 19, 2013 Leading Through Positive Perception
This past week I attended a seminar given by Melissa DeLay, a communication and business coach, who spoke on the art of persuasive communication. I’ve touched on this topic myself in a past post, but I found her talk especially relevant to my interest in effective leadership.
DeLay stressed the importance of perception, specifically addressing how positive perception allows leaders to be better suited to close deals, increase loyalty and communicate with confidence, even in the most difficult situations.
We often feel pressured to say “yes” or “no”–to commit one way or another, she says, and this ultimately has an adverse effect on our productivity and personal happiness in the long run. Instead of hastily agreeing to a project, DeLay suggests we internalize what she calls “magical phrases,” which help accomplish the following:
1. They Buy Time. You’re not forced to decide on the spot when confronted with a proposal. These phrases give you a chance to weigh your options without committing prematurely.
2. They Defuse The Situation. In “sticky” situations that may fall anywhere between personal disagreements or declining on a proposal, magical phrases enable you to neutralize the situation.
3. They Make You Look Good. You aren’t committing to something and then going back on it later. You are in control.
So what are these “magical phrases” Ms. DeLay is talking about?
At their core, these phrases all contain three characteristics: They are authentic, considerate, and objective.
As a way to turn someone down, for instance, she offers this phrase: “I don’t see a match between what you’re focused on and what I’m focused on. I’m going to have to decline your offer.” Saying this shows that you understand and have thought the offer over, thereby demonstrating consideration. It shows that you’ve tried to be as objective as possible, in that you are attempting to distinguish between your focus and the focus of the individual making the offer. And, because it clearly states up front good reasoning for the decline, the statement expresses authenticity. In other words, even though you aren’t being rude, you aren’t sugar coating it either.
Other “magical phrases” DeLay shared during her talk:
“Let me give that some thought. I don’t want to make a hasty decision.”
“I’m deeply concerned about this because…”
“I don’t care to speculate; what I can say is…”
Each of these examples fulfills the core characteristics of the magical phrase: they are each authentic, considerate, and objective.
What struck me is the fact that in positions of leadership, we are often forced to juggle the roles of being mentor, manager, friend, employer, “bad guy,” and the list goes on. It is easy to feel trapped between these roles, not sure which one should be worn at what time. But DeLay’s “magical phrases” embody the basis of strong leadership, in that they are consistent, honest and transparent.
Tags: Career Coach Advice, Career Coaching, Confident Interviewing, Delegation, How to Boost Self-Esteem, Improving Relationships, Lifelong Learning
January 23, 2013 Patience: More Than A Virtue
If driving has taught me anything, it’s that we as a society are quick to drop our “patience is a virtue” mantra the moment we actually need it. Due to the increased speed of everything around us—faster cars, quicker communication, moment-by-moment news stories all day long—we aren’t very good at being patient.
Being impatient negatively impacts your life. It increases stress, which can lead to possible health problems down the road. According to an article in CNN, studies found a “correlation between having sense of time urgency and impatience (TUI) and an increased risk of hypertension and high blood pressure.”
Mentally and emotionally, impatience is both a result of and conducive to living selfishly. It is the little child’s voice we still live with, loudly shouting, “I need this, and I need it now!” Many never outgrow the terrible twos in this sense. When they don’t get their way in a prompt manner, they throw the forty year old version of a temper tantrum.
The fact is, you don’t need “it” now, whatever it may be. From something as trivial as a car in front of you missing a green light, to something as big as a job promotion, you can wait. Not only that, you should.
But why? We’ve been told “patience is a virtue” since we were little. Is there any real truth to this common saying?
Yes! Simply put, patient people are happier people.
In his book, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living, Allan Lokos points out the misconception many people have that “an emotional state is embedded in us and we can’t free ourselves from it.” In reality, people are much more complex than that. Patience, just like dependability, honesty, and follow-through, is a learned behavior. Lokos stresses mindfulness, or being aware of a situation and your reactions to it, as a way to develop a patient demeanor. “We sense impatience, annoyance and anger as they begin to arise within us and then we invite our calmer, wiser self to be present.”
Learning to live at peace in the moment isn’t always easy. But patience is a sign of emotional maturity as opposed to the selfish nature of impatience. Here are a few quick tips for those moments throughout the day that drive you crazy:
1. Breath and Relax. Most of us harbor tension and stress in our shoulders and arms without even realizing it. Teach yourself to stay loose throughout the day, as this will help you feel better and therefore less likely to become impatient.
2. Take a Step Out of the Situation. Is it that big of a deal? I mean, really. Will you even remember it at the end of the day? This is a good test to see if you tend toward becoming impatient over trivial things.
3. Distract Yourself With The Present Moment. Wow! You’re living right now! Where are you? What’s going on? Take a look around and realize that this moment is unique and special, and won’t ever be reproduced quite the same way. Instead of trying to speed up time, focus on things you actually have control over. One of them is your choice to be patient.
“”Study Says Patience Is More Than A Virture,” last modified November 20, 2002, http://articles.cnn.com/2002-11-20/health/type.a.heart_1_tui-impatience-young-adults?_s=PM:HEALTH
Allan Lokos, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living (New York:Penguin) 2012: 19, 21.
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