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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Tag Archives: Improving Relationships

February 1, 2012 How to Give Advice

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
As a career coach, friend, and mother of two, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve given a lot of advice in my time. It’s also safe to say that I’ve received a lot of advice that’s helped me on my way. But what good is all of this exchange of information and opinions if the advice you receive or give is unwanted or flippant? In order to make sure that your role as advisor is a positive and helpful one, I’ve pulled together some pointers of advice giving.

How to Give Advice

1. Make sure that the person is actually looking for advice.We’re all guilty of a little therapeutic venting here and there. Make sure the person in question isn’t just seeking an understanding listener with empathy and compassion.

2. Be an attentive listener before doling out the ‘you should’s. Never assume that you know exactly what is going on, or the needs of someone else. Ask important questions before making suggestions.

3. Try to imagine the situation as if it were your own life. It’s so easy to think we know the solution and downgrade a problem when it’s not our own. Give someone else’s issue the weight it deserves.

4. Give your advice a mental test run. What will be the repercussion of taking your advice? Are there any unconsidered results that would reshape your suggestion?

5. Repeat after me: “There is no such thing as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.” Life is not an exact science, and no situation is as simple as it seems. When you catch yourself seeing in black and white, take a step back and readjust your focus.

6. Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t have an answer or solution. If you’re not comfortable giving advice, or you feel like the issue is beyond your expertise, say so. Remaining honest with the other person builds trust and allows your future input to hold that much more weight.

7. Before offering advice, accept that all that is in your power is to offer the best advice and information that you can. Accept the fact that the decision is not yours to make and that the person comes from a different perspective. Ultimately, the choice belongs to them—always respect this.

As a final note:

Giving advice can be a great way to make a positive energy deposit in someone else, and it allows you to help nurture the life, career, and experiences of another person. Remember to give the power of advice the respect and full consideration it deserves.

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November 7, 2011 The Benefits of Being a Better Listener

By Margaret Smith, Speaker, Career Coach, and Certified Insights Discovery Practitioner
You may feel like you’re already a pretty great listener. Or perhaps you’re ready to admit that your listening skills could use a little improvement. Either way, everyone will benefit from a little refresher on the necessity of being a good listener, with a few helpful tips for staying focused on the person across from you, on the other end of the line, etc.

If your listening skills improve, you’ll also see improvements at work, at home, while socializing, and everywhere in between.

Has there ever been a time in your life when you’ve lost sight of what a conversation was really about? Have you ever been “sucked in” to a toxic conversation or argument that’s become completely unproductive? Of course you have—we all have!

I’ve found that the best way to avoid conversational distractions that become argumentative is to remember this one simple fact: Listening is about gaining knowledge. In a conversation, it’s important that I remain a dedicated listener because otherwise, I may as well have a conversation with myself in the mirror.

By focusing on the messages of others at work, you not only improve productivity, you also strengthen your relationships with the people in your life because you avoid misunderstandings and make others feel heard and understood.

An awesome benefit of being a better listener is the positive impression you leave with those you listen to. Being a better listener actually makes you seem more respectful, composed, and interesting to other people. It may seem counter-intuitive, but displaying genuine interest in what someone else is saying actually makes you a more interesting person to them.

Your Challenge:

Improve your listening skills starting now. Think about your plans for the rest of the day and choose an interaction that you’ll practice improving your listening skills during. This interaction may be with your children when you or they walk in the door, with a supervisor this afternoon, or even with the next person with whom you share a phone conversation.

Share your story: Have you ever interacted with someone who was a really good listener? How did this make you feel? How did it affect your image of, and relationship with, this person?

Interested in learning more about listening or working one-on-one with a professional career coach to gain a competitive edge? Contact Margaret Today to learn about career coaching and UXL’s public workshops!

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