Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

Tag Archives: How to Change Your Life

March 28, 2012 How to Use Intrinsic Validation to Improve Interactions

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

“Be an opener of doors…”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever met a speaker, Psychologist, and Leadership Coach by the name of Louise Griffith? I had the pleasure of hearing her speak as a keynote at the womEn’s conference this month. Some of her messages about communication really stuck with me because of their clear, simple, and truthful nature. Because I’m still thinking about these messages nearly a month later I’ve decided to pass them on to my readers.

When interacting with others, whether on a very personal or professional level, there are certain ways that we can make them feel respected and accepted. You may not always realize it, but the way you respond to others when they express themselves can very easily make them feel unimportant or shut them down—and you may not even know what it was that you did wrong.

One of Louise’s larger ideas concerned something she called “Intrinsic Validation”. Behind this term is the belief that “the most powerful validation you can give another is to care enough to step into their world and listen without giving advice, feedback, or criticism.”

I don’t know about you, but I find that it is often far too easy to fall out of practicing this skill. Luckily, Louise shared some easy to use and remember tools (in the form of phrases and questions) that help you to continue the practice of intrinsic validation.

Louise outlines four components to improving interactions with and validation of others:

Look for the Good:
Stop yourself when you begin to judge and focus on the good in others instead.

See it, then Say It:
When you see another person’s positive effort or good, make sure to share your appreciation or admiration with them.

Listen for the Doors:
The “doors” are the verbal cues as to what someone is thinking. This is where you create a bridge instead of a wall)

Step into Their World:
We’ve all heard the phrase “step into their shoes” because it works.

Most important were the phrases that we can use as tools to immediately improve interactions:

           Tell me more about that.

           Help me understand what you are experiencing.

           Are you OK?

           What I like about your idea is ________ .

I challenge you to pick one of the phrases above and use it in the coming days. I’m confident that you’ll be astonished at how quickly your interactions with others will deepen and improve.

Tags: , , , ,

November 28, 2011 Are You Stuck at the Crossroads?

By Margaret Smith
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
Many of my clients tell me that they are interested in making change in their lives. Some of them are dealing with a job loss that has allowed them to realize that they didn’t really like what they were doing before. Sometimes these people decide that they are ready to pursue something different when they reenter the workforce.

Many other clients, of all ages, find themselves at the crossroads and in need of tools to help them move forward. With these common challenges in mind, I’ve created a little exercise to help you think about the changes you hope to make and the steps to make these changes happen.

Moving forward starts in the “now”—understanding where you stand allows you to move forward.

Find a Quiet Place to Consider the Following:

1.   When we feel dissatisfied, it’s natural to jump to the conclusion that everything needs a major overhaul.  Instead of rewriting the entire book, begin by considering what is going well. What is working that you don’t want to change? List four components of your life (this could be your family, community, relationship, job, etc) and explain why you feel they are going well.

2.   Now consider one area you would like to change. What does that changed area look like? What is the first step for creating this change that immediately comes to mind? Imagine your first step has been accomplished. What are the next 3 things that have to happen? Now your game plan is starting to take shape, bringing your vision closer to reality.

3.   Do you worry you don’t have the time? Fill in your typical daily activities on the timeline below. Where could you reclaim an extra 30 minutes? Does that rerun on television or updating your Facebook page 4X/day really deserve your attention?


4.   Admit to yourself that none of this is easy. In fact, creating change can seem daunting, and we are tempted to abandon our efforts when faced with obstacles. Jot down some challenges you expect and a list of people you could call to help. Is there a friend who you consider an expert in developing a business plan, giving professional advice, or writing resumes? Perhaps reaching out to these people is an important step in your creation of change.

5.   Throughout our day we talk to ourselves, and this voice is not always positive. Realize that negative self-talk can stall your efforts. What do you say to yourself regularly that is especially debilitating? Try to let go of two negative messages you send yourself this week. Identify your personal saboteur, give your negative feelings names and banish them from your space. Once you have successfully banished these two, try for the next group.

Interested in having a helping hand effecting change in your life and finding success in your job hunt or your career? Contact UXL Today!

Tags: , , , ,