Tag Archives: How to Change Your Life
May 23, 2012 Musings from a Week with My Mother
By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
I had the opportunity to spend this past week with my mother. She’s 82 and still has the ability to teach me something if I just watch and listen. Below are just a few of the things I learned.
1) Slow down: She doesn’t walk as fast as I do anymore. Rather than forcing her to try to keep up, I walked beside her. It’s amazing what you see and how much less stressed you look when you just go a little slower. We still got everything done we needed to and got where we had to be on time.
2) Read to children: My mother is a retired second grade teacher, the mother of 5, and grandmother of 14. Therefore, she has a lot of experience with this. Every afternoon two of my neighbors girls, ages 4 and 7 came over for reading time. They sat on my front porch and just read and talked: Curious George, The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, Wing a Ding, The Song and Dance Man (one of my favorites), and Old Henry. The pile grew as the week went by and so did her anticipation of the door bell ringing. I swear she got 10 years younger every time they showed up!
3) Exercise every day: My mother wasn’t a jazzercise freak or a health club junkie as I was growing upl. She chased 5 kids around, gardened, raised chickens, and drove the tractor for my father as he baled hay. They were city kids who moved out to the farm and dove headfirst. My dad was a chemical engineer for Du Pont who took his tie off in the car on his way home and was on the tractor in 15 minutes. My mom walked every day while she was here, even if it was just around the block, and did some sit ups and few good stretches. No one can call her sedentary.
4) Only eat until you’re full: I’ll never forget how she would load our plates with food and then make sure we cleaned them, no leaving anything—even those peas I hate—on the plate! Her secret now is slightly different: Only put a small portion of food on your plate, and don’t go back for seconds you probably don’t really need. She’s now in better shape than she was at 52.
5) Ask for help and appreciate it: It seems easy when you are 82. Everyone will hold a door, pick up a bag, take your suitcase off the carousel—my mother’s a great delegator. Her philosophy is similar to the quote I use with my boys, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for.” Well, maybe I should listen to my own advice. My mother got more help from strangers simply by asking and showing appreciation, smiling and joking with people, than most of us do from our own families.
6) Be “the face” for your children and grandchildren: She would always remind us, “if you don’t know what to do or if what you are about to do is right or wrong, just envision my face coming in front of you, you’ll know what to do.” My boys remember this advice, and have told me numerous times it saved them from making stupid decisions. We see parents every day doing dumb things in front of their children, using language that I’d be embarrassed for my mother to hear, so why are we surprised when kids act the same way? I’m glad my boys have my mother’s face to keep them focused on being and doing good.
7) Give away what you don’t use: Look in your closet and cupboards. Why do we have all that stuff?! Is it holding you back or holding you down? Could you have spent that money on a vacation or helping someone that really needed it? Mom’s reduced her ‘stuff’ dramatically over the past 5 years, giving most of what she doesn’t use to a local mission. Having her with me this week made me want to clean out a few closets, which I plan on doing tomorrow!
The lessons I learn from my mother span on and on, but the 7 listed above are a great start. These lessons help me to realize the impact she made on all of us, and not just the people that live in my house. Her smile and willingness to get involved and reach out was an inspiration. I can’t wait until I get another week with her.
I hope that this story helps you to make the most of the people in your life, and lessons they have to offer.
Margaret
Tags: How to Change Your Life, Improving Relationships, Life Coaching
May 16, 2012 Margaret’s Guide to De-Stressing Communication
By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
When I give a presentation on Communication, I always devote a slice of time to the topic of Stress as it relates to communication. If you take a moment to consider the situations that can cause stress in your life, you may realize that some of them involve your interaction with others. If you commit to developing a strategy or plan for overcoming the situations that cause stress, you can change your life for the better.
Now, this may not be what you want to hear, but managing stress doesn’t actually have anything to do with straightening out the behavior of others. Instead, it’s all about management of your own emotional state. We can base our stress-reduction action plan on two unwavering facts:
Fact #1: You only have control over yourself—your actions and your emotions.
Fact #2: People will continue to be, well, PEOPLE. Their actions are completely beyond your control, and often reflect a perspective, rationale, and behavioral preference different from your own.
With the reality that you can only control yourself in mind, consider the following pointers for improving your daily communication:
>> Recognize the situations that stimulate your energy. When are you most comfortable? When do you perform at your best? Seek out these situations and find ways to alter or eliminate the situations that bring you down.
>> Be consistent in what you do to control stress. Once you’ve identified a cause of stress and created an action plan, be persistent in your new habit. If you decided to reorient your role during the weekly meeting, build a short reminder of your new habit into that morning’s routine.
>> Be authentic in your emotional expression. Nothing can wreak havoc on your emotional state worse than a misleading façade. Until you’re honest with yourself and others about what’s tough for you, you won’t escape the stress and dread of the situation.
>> Combat the “If only she/he would…” reaction. Remember facts 1 and 2? Instead of blaming others for your stress or feelings of frustration, realize that the best way to avoid feeling this way in the future is to ask yourself, what can I do to avoid feeling this way in the future? Whether it’s altering your own expectations, resolving not to feel so deeply about an issue, or finding a way to circumvent the scenario that created the communication issue in the first place.
>> Oftentimes stress in communications simply comes down to a differing of communication styles. Instead of jumping to conclusions of ill will or incompatibility, make the effort to observe how others listen and speak, and match your own style of communication with the person to keep them engaged, interested, and trusting.
Dedicate yourself to developing a plan. Learn from each new experience and looks for areas for improvement. If you’re interested in learning more tools for de-stressing your life and improving communication, feel free to send an email or phone call in my direction!
April 26, 2012 How to Modify Your Behavior Effectively
By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
The other day I read something about behavior modification that surprised me with its resonance:
Most of us tend to overestimate how much short-term change we’re capable of, but underestimate our long-term potential.
How true is that? Most of us have been guilty of making a huge resolution that we expected to complete in an unrealistically short period of time. And what happens when we don’t see results in the first few weeks? We get discouraged, of course! Conversely, if we look back on all that we’ve changed or done in a year, and we’re blown away at our courage, perseverance, and hard work.
Because I’m a life and career coach, a lot of what I do tackles the challenge of modifying behavior to change a life or professional career for the better. Since I’ve become a certified Insights Discovery Practitioner, guiding behavioral modification has moved even further to the forefront of all that I do. When you’ve experienced the Insights Model, and received your profile, you learn that you have energy preferences and strengths, and these natural callings or habits result in your preferred way of interacting with others.
The other important thing that you learn through Insights Discovery (or coaching) is that you have the ability to identify the communication style and work preferences of everyone around you. And this is an important half of the puzzle—without this, your self-knowledge would be useless—like a jar of jam with no bread, a bike without tires! You improve your self-awareness so that you can modify your behavior to improve your interactions with others and reach your full potential.
Instead of continuing on the same worn path, consider some of the pointers I’ve outlined for using your self-awareness and knowledge of communication styles to improve your career and your life.
Margaret’s Tips for Modifying Your Behavior to Elevate Interactions
> Identify an area for improvement and all of your behavioral habits involved. Take note of the other individuals involved in this interaction and their observed behavioral habits and preferences.
> Clarify what achieving “success” will mean for you in this scenario. What needs to improve, how much, and what will be the measurement of this? Acknowledge that success may not be immediate.
> Recognize that there are always beliefs lurking behind our impressions and interactions. Have the courage to challenge these beliefs by trying a new approach and/or a new interpretation.
> Practice changing your behavior until it happens without having to think about it. Otherwise, you’re likely to lose your better habits and improved interactions.
> When baffled, consult with someone you trust openly, and without argument or response. Sometimes the observations of someone else is not easy to accept, but an outside perspective will help you to graduate beyond the beliefs that are obstructing your path to positive change.
Interested in learning more about how knowledge of yourself and others can be elevated through Insights Discovery, or how Margaret Smith can help you to realize positive change for individuals, teams, organizations, or classrooms? Contact UXL Today.
Tags: Career Coach Advice, How to Change Your Life, Improving Relationships, Insights Discovery
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