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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Tag Archives: Career Coach Advice

October 16, 2013 How Do You Decide What To Decide?

Decisions bombard us every minute of every hour of our day. They come in all types: some are so trivial and daily–like choosing what to wear or eat–that we hardly notice them, while other types of decisions can make life pretty stressful. Still others appear trivial at first, but turn out to be deceivingly tricky. How to word an email, for instance, seems small but can be extremely difficult.

So the question inevitably comes along: How do we make decisions, and how do we know that our decisions are good at the time that we make them?

Understanding a bit of psychology helps us answer these questions. We know, for example, that gut decisions are generally not good decisions, because they are fueled by our emotions, which as we know, can shift in a heartbeat. Tony Swartz, CEO of The Energy Project, writes that “Our first challenge is resist being reactive. Many of our worst decisions occur after we’ve been triggered–meaning that something or someone pushes us into negative emotion and we react instinctively, fueled by our stress hormones, in a state of fight or flight.”

Any decision we make under this kind of fight or flight stress is only concerned with resolving the present issue and disregards future consequences. You can see why this usually doesn’t work out. A shortsighted perspective yields rash decisions that cause more stress in the long run.

This isn’t to say that decisions should be completely divorced from your feelings. Some decisions that make the most logical sense aren’t always the best decisions to make. Sometimes irrational decisions yield the greatest benefits (see my post on taking risks). So I know that our feelings are deeply tied to how we choose, as they should be. However, I do want to caution you to take a step back when you have the urge to make an impulsive decision. If it’s a decision you should make, that feeling will stay with you, and therefore you can sit on it for a day.

This is because good decisions are based on how you’ll benefit from them in the long run . Of course, what you wear today is not a very world-shattering decision, but you can view your little decisions as components of larger patterns. What you tend to wear, or how you tend to eat, compose a larger lifestyle you create for yourself. And because all the aspects of your lifestyle are connected, you can always trace your larger decisions back to the small ones.

In summary:

1. Good Decisions aren’t based on reactions. Decisions should be thorough, and to be thorough you need perspective, which leads to point 2…

2. Good Decisions are made when you have a healthy view of yourself and your surroundings.

3. Good Decisions follow your deepest convictions. What values do you hold to? Where do you see yourself a few years down the line? What are your dreams? These questions help guide you to making the decisions that give you the life you want to have.

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October 9, 2013 Being Authentic Doesn’t Mean Telling Everyone Your Life Story

Authenticity is all the rage these days. Businesses are adjusting their workplaces and daily operations in order to accommodate the demand for authentic relationships, business practices and job responsibilities that prospective employees and veteran workers alike are calling for.

I think this is great.  We all need authenticity in our lives, of which our work is a big part. What’s more, a business based on genuine relationships doesn’t just make for more fulfilled workers, it makes for better business.

However, I’ve noticed that some people seem to think that authenticity in their work relations means sharing everything to everyone, all the time. When working with clients, I’ve heard things like, “Margaret, they asked me what I really thought, and I knew it would hurt their feelings if I told them, but I was just being authentic!”

I think this person was trying to demonstrate how they were transparent and honest, even when it was uncomfortable. But being an open book all the time can be burdensome to those around you. You might be perceived as self-involved, even if you really aren’t. You may also lose potential confidantes if you tend to talk openly about other people. Your intention is surely noble, but the way it comes across may do more harm than good.

The mistake behind this approach to authenticity is the assumption that your most unfiltered gut feelings are your true self. While they certainly are part of what makes you you, remember that it is normal and natural to modify your behavior in different situations. This isn’t betraying who you really are, or wearing a fake version of yourself at all! We are complex beings, and have many layers of “self” that are each a part of us.

Authenticity, then, is striving to be your best self for each situation. To do this, you need:

1. Self-awareness. Be aware of your feelings and opinions, and take them seriously. You will have to stand up for your beliefs at some point, and it is often a very hard thing to do. But also be prepared to be wrong, to change your mind, to feel differently about something as time progresses. Part of self-awareness is knowing your own limits.

2. Presence. Be aware of your surroundings, engaged in the present situation before you. A present person is aware of others and their feelings, and is less inclined to become self-involved or unintentionally hurtful.

3. Tact. The 80-20 rule works wonders. Of all the thoughts you have, only about 20 percent of them need to be said. Another good rule: pause, sleep on it and deal with it tomorrow. If you feel the need to share something potentially hurtful, wait a day. More often than not, the issue resolves itself. If not, you’ll at least have a day’s worth of consideration in the bag and you’ll be better prepared to tactfully handle the situation.

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September 25, 2013 On Taking Risks

Looking back on your experience to-date, how much has your life gone as planned? Did everything line up for you in the exact way you were hoping it would? Can you honestly say your life has been completely in your control?

If you’re anything like the vast majority of us, hindsight probably reveals how little you actually predicted and controlled in your life. And this isn’t a bad thing. Opportunities in life seem to present themselves to you on their own timescale.

With this in mind, taking a risk is a smart move long term. Why, you ask?

1. Opportunities abound for the person who takes a risk. An employer is much more impressed by someone who dives into the unknown, and word will spread quickly about your willingness to venture into new territory. This will snowball and provide for you many more opportunities.

2. Failures are temporary, while regrets linger. “When speaking to people in their forties and beyond, many tell me that if they could do their career over again, they’d have taken more risks, settled less and spoken up more often,” writes Margie Warrell in this Forbes article. It is always better to have tried and faltered than to have never gone for it.

3. You’re probably overestimating the odds against you. Warrell points out that we tend to magnify the negative consequences in our minds, to the point where we no longer think about positive outcomes, which makes for a warped view of reality.

4. As a rule, you are capable of more than you think you are. This is probably a result of having been conditioned early on to always be modest. But it’s okay to recognize your strengths and feel confident about them. And you’ll never know your ability until you take risks.

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