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“Creating Successful Leaders”

February 1, 2012 How to Give Advice

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER
As a career coach, friend, and mother of two, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve given a lot of advice in my time. It’s also safe to say that I’ve received a lot of advice that’s helped me on my way. But what good is all of this exchange of information and opinions if the advice you receive or give is unwanted or flippant? In order to make sure that your role as advisor is a positive and helpful one, I’ve pulled together some pointers of advice giving.

How to Give Advice

1. Make sure that the person is actually looking for advice.We’re all guilty of a little therapeutic venting here and there. Make sure the person in question isn’t just seeking an understanding listener with empathy and compassion.

2. Be an attentive listener before doling out the ‘you should’s. Never assume that you know exactly what is going on, or the needs of someone else. Ask important questions before making suggestions.

3. Try to imagine the situation as if it were your own life. It’s so easy to think we know the solution and downgrade a problem when it’s not our own. Give someone else’s issue the weight it deserves.

4. Give your advice a mental test run. What will be the repercussion of taking your advice? Are there any unconsidered results that would reshape your suggestion?

5. Repeat after me: “There is no such thing as ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.” Life is not an exact science, and no situation is as simple as it seems. When you catch yourself seeing in black and white, take a step back and readjust your focus.

6. Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t have an answer or solution. If you’re not comfortable giving advice, or you feel like the issue is beyond your expertise, say so. Remaining honest with the other person builds trust and allows your future input to hold that much more weight.

7. Before offering advice, accept that all that is in your power is to offer the best advice and information that you can. Accept the fact that the decision is not yours to make and that the person comes from a different perspective. Ultimately, the choice belongs to them—always respect this.

As a final note:

Giving advice can be a great way to make a positive energy deposit in someone else, and it allows you to help nurture the life, career, and experiences of another person. Remember to give the power of advice the respect and full consideration it deserves.

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January 25, 2012 4 Ways to “Stop Being a Jerk” from INC Magazine

By Margaret Smith, UXL:
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

We have all experienced a work life under the tyranny of a thankless and critical boss. Not very much fun, right? Similarly, we have all probably been guilty of being less nice than we could be at work. With these things in mind, I thought it might be useful to share with you the following interesting tidbits from Inc Magazine’s October 2011 issue.

Here’s an Idea: Stop Being a Jerk

1.  Don’t ban the water cooler. “It used to drive me crazy to see people talking about other things at work. Now, I’m glad they’re doing it,” says Jay Steinfeld, founder and CEO of Houston-based Blinds.com. As he reminds readers, “you can’t be paranoid and creative at the same time; it’s impossible.” It’s important that people have an opportunity to interact like human beings!

2.  Don’t discount community service. Being an active participant in charity and community service “trains people’s minds to think about improving other people’s lives,” explains Steinfeld. And I couldn’t agree more! What better way to find a place to reinforce your contribution, self-esteem, and sense of worth?

3.  Don’t Ignore the good tries. Responding to the failed attempts of others with anger, disappointment, or lectures often discourages others to avoid trying new things and taking risks (both of which are essential to fostering a spirit of innovation). “Years ago, I would ream out people when they failed,” says Steinfeld. “Now I tell them, ‘Hey, it didn’t work, but I’m pleased you gave it a shot.’ And say it in front of others. I want people to experiment without fear of failure.”

4.  Don’t leave it up to HR. Instead of wiping your hands clean of your contribution to the company culture, realize that it’s completely up to you. “Nothing happens if the top doesn’t agree or even personally care about it,” reminds Steinfeld.

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January 19, 2012 Are You Practicing Faux Flexibility?

By Margaret Smith, UXL
SPEAKER | CAREER COACH | CERTIFIED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER

“If you ask most people, ‘Are you flexible or rigid?’ they’ll tell you they’re flexible,” says Howard Gardner, Harvard cognitive psychologist (as quoted in O Magazine, May 2005).

Most of us will claim to be open to change in our lives and opinions, but would you say that most people you meet are actually flexible? Probably not. This is because most of us practice what Gardner refers to as “fundamentalism” Although the term is most commonly used in reference to religion, it can also be used to describe our preference not to change our minds. “There’s fundamentalism—a commitment not to alter our opinions—in every sphere,” he explains.

Certainly, my own interactions with others (especially as a life coach) can attest to this notion!

So how do we open up our own minds and the minds of others to new ideas and ways of thinking?

The acclaimed psychologist offers some innovative suggestions for challenging our mindset and freshening up our convictions:

1. Subscribe to publications that cut across the political and scientific spectrum.

2. Seek out balanced arguments, instead of indulging in arguments that feed your preexisting beliefs.

3. Talk to people from different backgrounds to challenge your orthodoxy—travel!

4. Understand the resistance of others. Gardner suggests you do this by attempting to “draw the other person out” and “listen charismatically”.

5. Stop the attack and pursue insight instead by taking on the perspective of the other person.

6. Choose an agreeable point of entry. Gardner offers two less-direct strategies:
a) Find links between your case and individual points of appeal
b) demonstrate your willingness to be flexible by picking something you’ve been resisting and trying it (Gardner calls this
“embodiment”).

7. Mix up the meeting place. A change of context can help to break patterns of thought.

8. Think like a teenager (You’re probably thinking God help us!). Before you panic, understand that by this, Gardner means asking the question “What are the possibilities?” because the question opens “a wider panorama” of possibilities.

Hopefully you will be able to successfully rethink your own convictions and encourage those around you to do the same with these interesting and useful tactics for changing your mindset!

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