Skip to content

UXL Blog

“Creating Successful Leaders”

September 18, 2024 Developing Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

If you have been following my blog or my business for any length of time, you know that I am a long-time advocate of heart-led leadership. That means being authentic AND having an authentic interest in each of your people. It also means making smart decisions by balancing your head and your heart. Being “heart-led” doesn’t mean you’re weak; it simply means you are empathetic, kind, and willing to listen to your people. This can be viewed as an offshoot of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (sometimes referred to as EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and reason with emotions. It involves being self-aware, regulating your own emotions, and empathizing with others. Developing emotional intelligence in the workplace can lead to improved communication, better conflict resolution, and stronger relationships with colleagues. By cultivating emotional intelligence, you can become a more effective leader, foster a positive work environment, and contribute to the overall success of your organization.

Some might believe that emotional intelligence is innate—you’re either born with it or you’re not. While it might be true that some people are more naturally empathetic than others, that doesn’t mean everyone else cannot learn to be emotionally intelligent and develop the qualities associated with a high EQ.

Emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned and improved over time. If you’re hoping to build this essential skill, I suggest starting with the following:

Build Self-Awareness

Emotional intelligence starts with developing a deeper understanding of yourself. What are your tendencies, habits, and perspectives? How do you tend to react stressful situations? What is your communication style, and how do you relate to others?

To help answer these (and other) crucial questions, I suggest taking an assessment test that is rooted in science. As a Licensed Practitioner of Insights Discovery®, I naturally advocate for this system, but many other similar programs exist (Myers-Briggs, StrengthsFinder, Enneagrams, etc.). Briefly, Insights Discovery® is a self-awareness tool that helps you understand your natural preferences, strengths, and potential blind spots, visualizing this data with four distinct colors (learn more on my website). By gaining this self-knowledge, you can better manage your emotions, communicate more effectively, and build stronger relationships with your colleagues.

Additionally, consider keeping a journal to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors throughout the workday. This can provide valuable insights into your emotional patterns and help you identify areas for growth.

Practice Active Listening

An important step in developing your EQ is practicing active listening. When you actively listen, you not only hear the words being said, but you also aim to understand the speaker’s perspective and emotions. This involves maintaining eye contact, asking clarifying questions, and paraphrasing what you’ve heard to ensure understanding. This demonstrates empathy and builds trust with your colleagues, which can lead to more productive conversations and stronger relationships.

Check In with Your Emotions

Emotional intelligence also requires the ability to check in with and manage your own emotions. When you experience strong feelings, whether positive or negative, take a moment to pause and reflect before responding. This can prevent you from saying or doing something you might regret. Practice techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling to help you regulate your emotions and respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.

Aim For Understanding

Finally, strive to approach interactions with an attitude of understanding rather than judgment. When you encounter a colleague who is behaving in a way that frustrates or upsets you, try to consider their perspective and what might be driving their actions. This empathetic mindset can help you respond with compassion rather than criticism, fostering an environment of mutual respect and trust.

By developing these key emotional intelligence skills, you can become a more effective communicator, problem-solver, and leader within your organization. Those with a high EQ tend to have a better ability to navigate workplace relationships and interactions effectively. This, in turn, can lead to improved collaboration, problem-solving, and overall job satisfaction. Investing in the development of emotional intelligence can be a valuable asset for yourself, your people, and the entire organization.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , ,

September 11, 2024 How to Make Feedback Feel Empowering

As a leader, a work colleague, or a member of any kind of team or committee, feedback is essential. It is not helpful to let bad behavior, misguided ideas, or poor performance slip through the cracks. Providing constructive feedback is a key part of helping people improve and grow. However, it’s important to deliver that feedback in a way that feels empowering rather than demoralizing.

How can you achieve this balancing act? How can you motivate others, rather than make them feel frustrated or annoyed? I suggest the following:

Be Specific

Focusing on specific areas of improvement and providing ideas for achieving those improvements is crucial for making feedback feel empowering. Vague or generalized feedback can leave the recipient feeling confused or uncertain about what they need to do. Be clear and direct about the behaviors or outcomes you want to see changed or improved.

Mix the Good and Bad

It is just as helpful to let people know what they are doing well as it is to identify areas for improvement. Providing a balanced perspective shows that you recognize their strengths and are not just focusing on the negatives. This can make the feedback feel more constructive and less like a personal attack.

Some people use the “feedback sandwich” approach, where you first provide positive feedback, then the constructive criticism, and then end with more positive feedback. This can help the recipient feel validated and motivated to improve, but make sure you’re not sounding too scripted when offering this type of feedback.

Offer Suggestions

In addition to identifying specific areas for improvement, offer concrete suggestions for how the person can make those changes. Provide resources, examples, or step-by-step guidance to help them understand what they need to do differently. These actionable steps (as opposed to vague ideas) can help provide a clear plan of action.

Convey Your Confidence in the Other Person

Author and researcher, Daniel Pink, says that when we give feedback it is important to convey our confidence in the other person’s abilities. When we demonstrate our unwavering belief in another, this serves to bolster and support that person, rather than make them feel badly about themselves. He suggests saying, “I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.” This simple sentence conveys your faith in the person’s potential and your desire to help them improve.

Define Goals and Expectations

Clearly defined goals are crucial if you want your feedback to make an impact. Outline specific, measurable objectives that the recipient can work towards. This gives them a clear path forward and a sense of purpose. Additionally, be transparent about your expectations so there is no confusion about the desired outcomes. When people understand exactly what is expected of them, they are more likely to feel motivated to make the necessary improvements.

Ultimately, the goal of feedback is to help people grow and develop, not to criticize or put them down. By framing feedback in a positive, constructive manner, you can make others feel empowered rather than sullen or demoralized. This approach demonstrates your investment in the person’s success and your belief in their potential to improve. With the right mindset and delivery, feedback can become an invaluable tool for development.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , ,

September 4, 2024 The Case for Prioritizing Yourself (at least sometimes!)

During the fall season, much attention is given to kids (or grandkids) and to our work. Some of us are ushering kids back to school, sports, and extracurricular activities. Or we’re preparing for the final (often intense) quarter of the work year. And, sometimes we have to do both. That means our already busy lives often become even more hectic. With so many responsibilities and expectations, when can we possibly find time for ourselves? And why is finding that time so important?

It’s easy to neglect our own needs when we’re constantly focused on taking care of others and meeting professional obligations. However, making time for self-care is crucial for our overall well-being. When we prioritize ourselves, even if just for a few moments each day, we’re better equipped to handle the demands of our busy lives. Taking a break to recharge, reflect, or pursue a personal interest can boost your mood, reduce stress, and improve productivity.

Far too often, however, we neglect self-care. We plow through our daily to-do list with hardly a pause or a moment to ourselves. This constant motion and busyness can lead to burnout, increased stress, or even health issues (both physical and mental). I understand why people go-go-go, but the truth is, that breakneck pace isn’t sustainable.

How can we carve out time for ourselves? How can we make self-care part of everyday life? Try these four tips:

Make It a Habit

If you make an intentional effort to incorporate self-care into your everyday routine, it will happen naturally and consistently. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits suggests tacking on a new habit at the end of a routine that has already been established. For example, after you finish brushing your teeth in the morning, you could do a brief, ten-minute mat workout, or read for a few minutes, or simply sit quietly and take a few deep breaths. The key is to attach the new habit to an existing one, so it becomes part of your daily routine. Over time, it will feel strange not to do your self-care activity.

Schedule It

Another approach is to block off time on your calendar for self-care, just as you would for a meeting or appointment. This ensures you actually follow through and take that much-needed break, rather than letting other priorities crowd it out.

Involve Others

If possible, partner with others on self-care activities. Form a book club, schedule regular workouts with others, establish a monthly coffee or dinner date with friends, or practice a favorite hobby with people you know and enjoy. Practicing your self-care with friends helps keep you accountable for actually following through with prioritizing yourself.

Find What Works for You

The most effective self-care activities are the ones that you genuinely enjoy and find replenishing. For some, it might be a relaxing bath or a quiet walk. For others, it might be reading, journaling, or listening to music. Experiment to discover what recharges your batteries and brings you joy. The key is to find activities that align with your personal preferences and needs. Don’t feel obligated to do what others recommend if it doesn’t resonate with you. Self-care is a highly individualized practice, so honor what works best for you.

Carving out time for yourself, even in small increments, can have a profound impact on your overall well-being and ability to show up fully in other areas of your life. As we approach this often busy time of year, I encourage you to establish self-care habits that work for you. Whether it’s a daily meditation, a weekly hike, or a monthly spa day, make your own well-being a priority. Remember, taking care of yourself allows you to better help others and tackle your responsibilities with more energy and focus. Invest in yourself, and you’ll reap the benefits in all areas of your life.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

Tags: , , , , ,