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March 9, 2016 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation
I recently listened to an excellent TED Talk by Celeste Headlee on the art of having a meaningful conversation. Headlee was a radio host and reporter for NPR for several years and used what she learned from interviewing to develop 10 basic conversation principles.
Today, we often talk past or talk over each other. Instead of truly listening to what the other person has to say, we are busy multi-tasking or thinking up a response. Because of this tendency to focus on ourselves instead of on the other half of the conversation, a lot is lost in translation. Headlee’s 10 principles remind us how to fully engage in meaningful conversation and actually learn something from one another. Briefly, her 10 principles are:
- Don’t multi-task (be fully present and engaged)
- Don’t pontificate (expressing your opinion without any room for discussion only shuts down a conversation instead of opening up a dialogue)
- Use open-ended questions
- Go with the flow (thoughts will come into your mind and you need to let them go and focus on what the other person is saying)
- If you don’t know, say you don’t know (it’s okay to admit when you don’t know something!)
- Don’t equate your experience with theirs (your experience is not the say. Don’t make this a promotional opportunity for you; instead, listen to what they are saying and respond to that)
- Try not to repeat yourself
- Stay out of the weeds (don’t bog down your story with irrelevant details)
- Listen (This is probably the most important principle!)
- Be brief (As Headlee’s sister says, “A good conversation is like a miniskirt: short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.”)
Think about these principles as you engage others in conversation today. Be present, ask good questions, and practice active listening.
If you’d like to watch the whole TED Talk (It’s only 12 minutes long), please click on the image below. Happy conversing!
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: be engaged in conversation, better conversations, career coach Margaret Smith, don't pontificate, improve listening skills, meaningful conversations, TED talk Celeste Headlee
December 2, 2015 Activity: Your Greatest Moments
Copyright Margaret Smith, UXL: Creating Successful Leaders
One of the activities I often use in my career-based workshops is one that involves your personal highs and lows. It gets you thinking about your greatest moments and your worst moments, the times you felt like you were on Cloud 9 and the times when you felt like just throwing in the towel.
The reason I enjoy giving this activity is because it gives direction; it makes you realize what you like most about your career, what you like least, and what really, really needs to change. It also helps give you a voice–to ask for what you don’t currently have. Not finding the support you need at work? Seek it out. Not finding your optimal productivity? Think of when you were most productive and figure out how to recreate that environment.
This activity will give you a good starting point, but it may take some further detective work and guidance to truly figure out the next steps you need to take to be happy at work. I’m here to help with those next steps. In the meantime, take ten minutes out of your day to reflect and spend meaningful time on the following activity. Enjoy!
Grab a pen and paper and jot down a few sentences in response to the following prompts. Then, spend some time thinking about what your answers mean and write down an action plan to achieve your best self.
1a. Think of a time when you were the most productive. What were the circumstances and why do you think you were highly productive?
1b. Think of a time when you felt the least productive. What were the circumstances?
2a. Think of a time when you felt a strong sense of belonging or community. Write about it.
2b. Think of a time when you felt the least sense of belonging. Write about it.
3a. Think of a time when you were learning the most. What were you learning? How did that time feel?
3b. Think of a time when you were learning the least. What were the circumstances?
4a. Think of a time when you were having the most fun. Why do you think that was?
4b. Think of a time when you were having the least fun. Why?
It is important to give yourself time to reflect and think about these questions, but it is just as important to create an action plan after you’re done reflecting. What areas matter most to you? Do you care about productivity, but are not concerned with learning? Do you want to prioritize a sense of belonging in your life and career? List some ideas that will help you maximize your priority areas.
If you’d like to discuss this activity, or if you have any questions, please reach out and contact me at any time.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: career action plan, career coach Margaret Smith, career reflection activity, community, have fun at work, learning at work, Lifelong Learning, personal reflection activity, productivity at work, self discovery, sense of belonging
October 14, 2015 Who’s Left Out on Your Team?
It’s a common occurrence. There’s that employee or two (or dozens, depending on the size of your company) that just doesn’t fit in with the rest. Maybe they’re quiet or lack confidence. Maybe they don’t conform with the prevailing office culture. Whatever the case, feeling left out or ignored can have serious negative consequences. The snubbed employee might feel anxious about coming to work, their performance might drop, they might feel self-conscious and afraid to speak up, etc. Not to mention, your organization suffers as a whole because that troubled employee is not doing their best work, and will either quit or come to work miserable.
So what can you, as a leader, do if someone is being left out on your team?
1. Lead by example.
Practice inclusive behavior and do NOT pick favorites. Challenge yourself to talk to everyone at the table during a team meeting and truly listen to what they have to say. One great method of inclusionary behavior is to ask introverted or excluded employees for their opinions or input in front of others. According to Harvard Business Journal, “Listening to employees not only signals to them that you value their contributions, but also demonstrates to other employees that everyone has value. Plus, you get the added benefit of a diverse set of opinions.”
2. Trust.
Put your trust in your marginalized employees. Build their confidence by assigning them challenging projects or asking them to lead a team meeting. Show them that they are a valuable part of the organization by entrusting them to problem solve and create solutions to problems without you looking over their shoulder.
3. Create an Inclusive Environment.
Have you ever been to a team meeting where only a few people dominate the conversation? This is exactly the kind of environment that makes people feel ostracized or unimportant. To avoid these negative feelings, try starting every meeting by going around the table and having everyone give a brief statement about the current project. That way, everyone’s voice is heard at the very beginning. You can also close the meeting out in a similar way by asking everyone to state how they think the meeting went and what they hope to accomplish between now and the next meeting. Another thing you can do is rotate meeting leaders (or co-leaders). That way, all team members get a chance to monitor the meeting.
4. Don’t dismiss others ideas.
Even if you disagree or don’t quite understand a team member’s idea, don’t toss it aside. Instead, ask that person to clarify what they meant and give the idea thoughtful consideration. This open atmosphere is something Google embraces: “Googlers” are encouraged to bring their ideas forward, no matter how farfetched they might seem.
5. Realize that inclusivity is an ongoing objective.
Just because you’ve successful navigated one team project, doesn’t mean that you can ignore inclusivity and move on to other things. Keep this ideal top-of-mind and strive for an inclusive workplace atmosphere.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, LICENSED INSIGHTS DISCOVERY PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
Tags: career coach Margaret Smith, inclusion at work, inclusive behavior, left out employee, ostracized team member, practicing inclusivity, snubbed employee
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