Category Archives: Personal Branding
April 5, 2017 How to take back control of a conversation
Have you ever been in a situation where the conversation went off the rails? Maybe you were trying to talk to a client about a new product and they insisted on talking about politics or their latest family vacation. Or maybe you were leading a meeting and your team began to stray from the topic at hand. Or maybe every time you talk with a particularly chatty co-worker, it’s difficult to get a word in edgewise.
What do you do?
Start with these 4 steps:
1. Believe that your voice counts
Enter every conversation with the confidence that your voice (your thoughts, ideas, and opinions) matters. Believe in what you have to say and you will find a way to bring it up in the conversation. Keep in mind: there’s a difference between confidence and arrogance. What you have to say is important, but it’s not the only opinion that counts. Your listening ear is just as important as your voice.
2. Acknowledge what the other person is saying
It’s important to let the other party know that, yes, you hear what they have to say. You can also use this tact as a way to step in and take control of the conversation. For example:
“What I hear you saying, Bill, is that you’d like to implement more customer service surveys. I think that’s a great idea that warrants more discussion. I’d like to focus on that more during our next meeting so that we give the topic the time it deserves. In the meantime, let’s finish going over our quarterly reports and see what other ideas crop up…”
3. Keep your audience engaged
What you have to say is important; make sure your audience hears it! Instead of lecturing at others, make an effort to engage them. Ask questions, request feedback, and ask your audience if any clarification is needed. Make others a part of what you’re doing, not just passive observers.
4. Be direct
Oftentimes, the best way to refocus a conversation is to be direct. Acknowledge what the other party is saying (see tip #2) and then transition into what you’d like to say. Your interaction may go something like this:
“Your family vacation sounds great, Susan, and I’d love to discuss it more tomorrow, but I’m afraid I have to shift the conversation back to business…”
Remember: What you have to say is important! Don’t sell yourself short. Have the confidence to interject when necessary (in a tactful way!) and let your voice be heard.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
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Tags: career advice, conversation control, lead a conversation, Margaret Smith UXL, navigate a conversation, take back a conversation, UXL career coaching
March 1, 2017 The RIGHT Way to Get Angry
Picture this: You’re late to work because traffic was moving at a snail’s pace, which caused other drivers to get irritable and cut you off on the road. When you finally get to work, you find a Post-it note on a stack of papers on your desk that says “Need this by the end of the day.” You grumble about the huge pile of work and decide to make a cup of coffee. When you take your first sip, the coffee burns the roof of your mouth and you end up spitting it out…all over your white shirt.
Have you ever had a day like that? I know I have! How do you react? How can you turn such a disastrous day around?
A big part of the solution rests with you. How you handle the anger that’s undoubtedly bubbling within you can either make or break your day. But that’s easier than it sounds!
When many of us feel angry, we tend to react in one of two equally unhealthy ways:
- Bottle up the anger and hope things will get better.
- Let our anger flow forth and land on everyone and everything around us.
Research shows that neither method is ideal. Bottling up your anger can make it worse and can increase stress and anxiety. Venting your anger, on the other hand, can intensify your feelings and damage relationships with those around you.
So, what can you do?
One way to temporarily cool your jets is to practice steadying your breathing and counting or repeating a mantra in your head. Once you’ve gained control, assess the current situation that’s making you angry and LOOK FOR THE GOOD in it. Even terrible situations have silver linings. Take the story at the beginning of this blog post:
- Even though traffic was slow, you didn’t get in an accident and your car is running just fine
- Even though your boss gave you a pile of work, you are employed and capable. You are a problem-solver and can either figure out how to do the work or talk with your boss and negotiate.
- Even though you burned your mouth and spilled coffee on your shirt, it’s great that you have access to coffee and have the means to purchase a shirt. You’re luckier than many people out there.
See? If you dig into your frustrations, you can find bits of goodness embedded in them.
Another tactic you can utilize is practicing empathy. If other people are causing you to get angry, ask yourself why that might be. Put yourself in their shoes and consider if they are being a pain in the neck because they’re going through a rough patch. It could be that something terrible is happening in their lives that you’re not aware of. Before you combat anger with anger, take a moment to find compassion. Ask questions (if you feel comfortable doing so) and aim for understanding.
You can get a handle on anger. As researcher Albert Ellis said, “You don’t get frustrated because of events, you get frustrated because of your beliefs.” Work on your belief system. Believe that the world is not out to get you. Believe there is always something positive embedded in the negative. Your thinking can change your life.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
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Tags: anger the right way, conscious anger, controlled anger, empathy at work, good embedded in bad, Margaret Smith UXL, mindful anger, silver lining at work, the right way to get angry, UXL career coaching
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February 1, 2017 Bad Bosses! How to overcome 3 types of terrible boss behavior
It happens more often than it should. A person rises to power who doesn’t have the interest, inclination, or skills it takes to be a good boss. It’s not always that person’s fault—many companies do not invest time and resources in training their managers and force many people to learn through “trial by fire.” And then there are those who are simply not interested in engaging with or developing their team. They would rather be doing office work than investing time in their staff.
Whatever the case, you’ve probably encountered the dreaded “bad boss.” I’m going to look at three different behaviors that your bad boss might exemplify and show you ways to overcome each scenario. Ready to grab your own success and jump over the bad boss hurdle? Read on!
1. The Micromanager
This is the boss who is always looking over your shoulder and checking in to make sure you’re doing things just how s/he wants them done. This person is a perfectionist and might go as far as giving you daily or weekly checklists. Such a boss can make you feel claustrophobic and limit your growth potential.
What to do:
First of all, understand that you micromanaging boss is likely acting the way she does because she cares deeply about the good of the company. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore it! If your boss is approachable and open to communication, consider scheduling a meeting in which you request to take on a project by yourself. If your boss waffles, ask if there is something about the quality of your work that is holding her back. You might learn some valuable insight from your conversation!
If, however, your boss is not the approachable type, consider a different tactic: Accomplish tasks and check-in before she tells you to. Anticipate the next item on her to-do list and do it before you’re directed to do so. This demonstrates that you are a go-getter and are perfectly capable of going above and beyond expectations without being directed to do so. You may even consider sending your boss your daily or weekly plans so you can gain even more control of your schedule.
2. The Unengaged
On the opposite end of the micromanager boss is the boss who is simplify unengaged. This is the boss who is largely absent or who rarely bothers to check-in with their team. This bad boss might think it’s a waste of time to invest in team-building activities, training, or one-on-one meetings.
What to do:
Initiate engagement. Schedule a meeting with your boss or, if he’s hard to pin down, make a point of stopping by his office when he’s around. Make sure you keep your meeting brief and bright—unengaged bosses often feel like they don’t have time for small talk. In your meeting, be sure to express your thanks to the boss for meeting and let him know that it made a big difference. Such encouragement will help him realize the value of such meetings.
If you’ve tried in earnest to get your boss involved in office life, but he hasn’t taken the bait, try going a different route. Engage your co-workers. If your boss isn’t lending much support, chances are your co-workers are just as frustrated as you are. Connect with them and use each other for brainstorming, problem-solving, and as mental or emotional support. Seek resources together and work on building a more collaborative atmosphere.
3. The Gossiper
“Did you hear about…?” The boss with gossiping tendencies can lower morale and create an atmosphere of distrust. What’s more, if you’re not buddy-buddy with this boss, you may wonder if you will be the next victim of their gossip.
What to do:
This is a tricky one. Although you might not be able to stop your boss from playing favorites and spreading rumors, you can make a personal commitment to rise above office gossip. Harvard Business Journal recommends setting firm boundaries with gossipers (whether your boss or a co-worker). When you see a conversation headed toward gossip, put a stop to it and say, “Please do not put anything in my head that you expect me to not act on. I will not carry around a conclusion about another person without sharing it with them.”
Your integrity carries weight. By refusing to participate in gossip, you build credibility and trustworthiness. And remember, silence is the same thing as complacence. If you are silent, you are promoting gossip.
And if your boss continues gossiping? You have a couple of tough decisions to make. Either you could choose to confront him about it and offer a solution (This article by Vital Smarts goes into establishing ground rules revolving around gossip), OR, If your quality of life is being severely affected by the gossip, you could seek employment somewhere else. If that’s the case, you might want to consult a career coach before making any major decisions.
There are, of course, many other types of “bad bosses” out there, but hopefully this list gave you some ideas for how to deal with your own troublesome boss. Feel free to add your own experiences and advice in the comments section (no name dropping, please!) or contact me for more advice.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS®DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, FOUNDER OF UXL, AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE TAG TEAM. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. YOU CAN VISIT HER WEBSITE AT WWW.YOUEXCELNOW.COM
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Tags: bad boss strategies, career coach Margaret Smith, gossiping boss, how to deal with bad bosses, micromanaging boss, Minneapolis career coach, unengaged boss, your bad boss
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