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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Leadership

October 5, 2022 What is Performative Empathy? (and how to avoid it)

In recent years, workplace vulnerability has become something of a trend. Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, Tommy Spaulding’s heart-led leadership concept, Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence and other similar publications have opened the door for more vulnerability at all levels of the workplace, including leadership.

On the surface, that’s great! I fully support heart-led leadership and maintaining an open, honest relationship with team members. Problems can arise, however, when displays of emotion are not authentic.

A couple weeks ago, a CEO was given flak on social media for posting a picture of himself in tears, after he fired two of his people. Questions were immediately raised about his authenticity. The guy does run a social media company, so did he know this image would likely generate a buzz? And, most importantly, why was he turning the spotlight on himself, instead of centering his message on the two employees he let go? And why go public with his tears, instead of only sharing his sadness with his team?

These are all valid questions, and they led many people to distrust the CEO’s intentions. Some began labeling this “performative empathy.”

To me, performative empathy means putting on a show, rather than conveying true emotions. You might fake or exaggerate your sadness, anger, or frustration in order to win vulnerability points from your people. This isn’t true empathy, but a performance.

True empathy comes from a place of genuine concern. As a leader, you should authentically care about each person on your team. That care will naturally bubble up from time to time…but do you need to post about it on social media? That’s really not the point. The point is to be a genuine, caring human being with your team. The point is to see them as people—with very real struggles, emotions, and needs—and care about their wellbeing.

To avoid performative empathy, ask yourself:

  • How am I really feeling?
  • Is it appropriate to share these feelings?
  • Does my team need commiseration right now? Motivation? Simple understanding? (Make sure you’re acting in a way that’s appropriate for the situation.)
  • Has enough trust been established so that it feels natural to share my genuine emotions?
  • Does anyone outside of the team need to know how I’m feeling?

Authentic, heart-led leadership is a powerful thing. As long as you, as a leader, are coming from a place of genuine concern, you won’t have to worry about performative empathy. You’ll be practicing actual empathy.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE

September 28, 2022 How Leaders Can Combat Quiet Quitting

Everyone has been abuzz about “quiet quitting” lately. This workplace trend essentially involves doing the bare minimum to meet one’s job requirements. No extra projects. No overtime or answering emails after hours. If it’s not in the job description, it won’t be done.

I have mixed feelings about the trend.

On the one hand, workers should be able to have a healthy work/life balance. With access to emails, chat groups, and texting, it’s easy for a boss to check in after hours and say, “Can you do just one more thing…” If the workplace is in crisis mode, an after-hours check-in could make sense, but aside from that, it is unwarranted and unhealthy. We all need some separation from our work lives and our homes lives (and that barrier has become quite thin lately, with so many people working from home).

However, I can also see quiet quitting going a step too far and turning into apathy. If you’re only willing to do the minimum, you won’t be willing to grow or challenge yourself. You won’t think outside the box, take initiative, challenge yourself, or get creative. In short, you’ll stagnate.

How can leaders push back against quiet quitting?

Leaders are not helpless when it comes to quiet quitting. In fact, they have much more power than they might realize. A person who feels motivated and inspired is not going to want to quit quietly. Someone who feels supported in the workplace, has strong connections with their leader and co-workers, and is engaged in their work is not going to quietly drift into “bare minimum” territory.

Let’s talk about ways leaders can build a team of enthusiastic doers, rather than quiet quitters.

1. Understand the reasons for quiet quitting

Essentially, quiet quitting stems from discontentment. Is your team (or a specific team member) feeling overworked or underappreciated? Are their voices and perspectives stifled in some way? Are they doing work that doesn’t suit their abilities and interests?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, take note! The environment is ripe for quiet quitting.

2. Get to know individuals

Running a team is not just about doling out assignments and making sure work is completed. That is the bare minimum. Effective leaders get to know every individual on their team—their interests, their capabilities, which types of projects energize and excite them, any barriers (including personal struggles) that might be holding them back, etc.

Getting to know your team members takes time and a concerted effort. I suggest meeting regularly with each person one-on-one, asking good questions (e.g. What are your most interesting projects right now? Least interesting? What do you wish you could be doing more of?), and listening closely to their answers. Consider keeping a file on each person to track anything useful that you learn.

3. Work toward a shared vision

When people feel as though they are part of a shared vision, they feel included and energized. Their path is clear (they know the big end goal), and they understand how their work contributes to the vision. This may be an overarching company vision, or it may be a vision you establish as a team. Either way, keep your vision top-of-mind, discuss it often, and make sure everyone understands how they are contributing and pushing the needle. This is true team work.

Effective leaders have no need to fear the quiet quitting trend. If you take the time to truly get to know your team members, make sure they are doing work they love and care about, and work toward a shared vision, you’ll likely have an energized team that is excited about their work and want to contribute. Even if that means stretching themselves past the minimum.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE

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September 7, 2022 How to Start a Mentoring Cohort

In my experience, there is no better way to support and nurture your work team than through mentoring. And mentoring is not just for new hires or people switching roles within the organization; it’s helpful for anyone who is looking to learn a new skill, change roles, or climb the ladder.

There really is no substitution for working with a mentor.

Mentors can offer:

  • Personalized guidance
  • A roadmap for obtaining a new position
  • Lived experience and real-life lessons
  • A bridge to other resources
  • A chance to expand a person’s network

I’ve written about mentoring benefits in a few past blog posts, but today I want to talk about something slightly different: starting a mentoring cohort.

What is a mentoring cohort?

Companies can approach mentoring cohorts differently, but in essence, they are groups of people who are moving through a mentoring program together. That might sound formal, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Typically, each mentee will be assigned a mentor, who will work with them for a certain period of time (3 months, perhaps, or 6 months).

The mentees might occasionally meet up and offer each other support, as well. This often makes sense if the mentees are new in the organization and could use the same type of support or resources. Typically, the mentors have been with the organization for at least a few years and are well-respected and knowledgeable.

How do you start a mentoring cohort?

First, it’s helpful to identify the mentees’ needs. Are they interested in learning more about the organization, in general? Do they have their sights set on leadership? Are they seeking guidance in a particular area? You might send out a survey to discover what type of help people need most.

After you’ve pinpointed needs (and have drummed up some excitement about the program!), start compiling a list of potential mentors. Do your best to match the mentees’ requirements with the mentors’ experience. Then, send a personal message to each mentor, inviting them to participate in the program.

In your email, don’t forget to mention the reason you’ve chosen this person—their expertise in X, their reputation as a top salesperson, their enthusiasm in collaborating with others. Then, be sure to specify the time commitment. Since many people are busy with their day-to-day responsibilities, it’s best to keep this at a minimum (say, 45 minutes every month or half an hour every two weeks).

Once you’ve paired your people, give some mentoring guidelines (suggested questions to ask, suggested meeting times). Then, take a step back and let the mentoring commence! You may want to check in every once in a while (at the midpoint, perhaps), but this should mostly be hands-off for you.

When the program concludes, take a survey to see how it went AND ask your mentors if they would be willing to stay active in the cohort program. Then, start the whole process over again with your next batch of people.

A mentoring cohort is a great way to connect batches of people with appropriate mentors. If you think several people in your organization could benefit from mentoring, I encourage you to initiate an in-house mentoring cohort. And the bonus? You will also gain recognition as a leader, a doer, and someone who is actively trying to improve company culture. A win all around.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE

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