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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Goals

August 7, 2024 Why to Occasionally Let Go of Mental Toughness

Many people I know (especially female professionals) put a lot of pressure on themselves. They attempt to do “everything for everyone.” They convince themselves they need to be perfect. They stretch themselves too thin. All the while, these overworked individuals march forward, not allowing themselves a break, time to vent, or the grace to seek support.

We do NOT have to be this mentally tough at all times. In fact, it can be beneficial to take off our armor from time to time. Why?

Because always being mentally tough can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and a lack of self-care. It’s important to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, ask for help, and take breaks when needed. Embracing our humanity and accepting our limitations can actually make us stronger in the long run. Additionally, allowing ourselves to be imperfect and to seek support when necessary is a sign of strength, not weakness.

But how can you tell when you need to slow down, step away, or seek help? Some signs include:

  • Regularly feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or anxious
  • Having difficulty concentrating or making decisions
  • Neglecting self-care activities like exercise, healthy eating, or sleep
  • Increased irritability or moodiness
  • Withdrawing from friends, family, or beloved activities
  • Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue

Recognizing these signs and taking steps to address them, such as prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support, can help you prevent burnout and maintain a healthy, balanced life. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to acknowledge when you need to slow down and take care of yourself. It takes plenty of courage to speak up, make a change, or ask for help!

Taking action can ultimately help build your resilience and effectiveness in the long run. Keep in mind, you’re running a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s important to pace yourself. Remember, self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary for maintaining your physical and mental well-being.

In short, you don’t have to be mentally tough all the time. Embrace your humanity, be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to step back when you need to recharge. Your strength lies in your ability to recognize and address your needs.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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July 31, 2024 The Power of Forgiveness

As we move through life, we will inevitably deal with less-than-ideal interactions and experiences. Unfortunately, these disagreeable moments have a tendency to stick with us. Studies have revealed that people have a negativity bias, which (it is theorized) is caused by our brain’s tendency to notice things that are dangerous or potentially harmful in order to protect us. So, we often absorb the bad while glossing over the good.

While our negativity bias may be intended to help us, it can also hurt us if we dwell on the negative too long. Being constantly angry, frustrated, or annoyed is damaging on many levels. It can affect our mental and physical wellbeing (elevating heartrates and increasing muscle tension). It can impact our relationships with others. Or, it can impede our ability to be productive and energized.

In my experience, one of the most effective ways of shedding this negativity—and those feelings of anger, frustration, and annoyance—is to practice forgiveness.

You probably encounter dozens of annoying situations every day. Perhaps a co-worker didn’t make a deadline or forgot to schedule an appointment with an important client. Maybe your family has made a mess in the house. Or, maybe the barista behind the counter messed up your order. Whatever the case, we can deal with these situations in two ways:

1) Get angry and hold a grudge

2) Acknowledge the annoyance, move on, and forgive

It’s okay to be temporarily frustrated or upset. It’s fine for your negativity bias to kick in. However, these reactions become problematic when we cling to them too long—when we dwell on them and let them take over our day.

A bit part of moving past a problem involves forgiveness, especially when it comes to little, everyday annoyances. If you do not forgive, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy being mad and stewing over the situation. This isn’t to say you should let bad behavior slide; instead, it’s a good idea to address the problem, forgive, and move on. Take the example of your co-worker missing a deadline.

If a co-worker fails to complete a project on time, that can be incredibly frustrating (especially if it’s an important project OR if this is a common behavior). Instead of seething in your office or complaining to other co-workers, I encourage you to face the problem head on. Talk to the person directly, explain the impact of their actions (on you and the company), and strategize ways to meet future deadlines. If you are a leader and this person is one of your team members, you may also discuss disciplinary actions that will be taken if the problem persists.

Once you’ve worked out a solution, make a conscious effort to forgive that person and move on.

The same actions can be applied in other situations. If the Starbucks barista messes up your order, you can politely approach the window, explain the error, and say that you have no problem waiting for a new coffee. This all boils down to three steps:

1. Come up with a solution

2. Forgive

3. Move on

While your negativity bias is trying to help you, long-term negativity will only harm you. Shed your resentments, do your best to forgive, and keep moving forward. You’ll be happier in the long run, and you’ll feel lighter without the weight of all those grudges.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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July 3, 2024 8 Tricks to Complete that Terrible Task

At one point or another, we’ve all had to deal with tasks that fill us with dread. Maybe this involves having a tough conversation with a co-worker, or maybe it means filling out a long and tedious spreadsheet. Or, it could entail picking up the phone and calling an unpleasant or difficult client. Or, perhaps, this is a simple clerical task that we, for whatever reason, have formed a mental block against.

What is your personal “Mount Everest” right now? What task have you been putting off because the mere thought of it makes your stomach turn or your head hurt?

No matter what terrible task is clogging your to-do list, I believe in your ability to conquer it. Let’s talk about 8 ways to overcome this obstacle:

Block Out Time

Many of us have a full calendar, which can give us an excuse for procrastinating or putting off a difficult task. Because of this, it’s a good idea to specifically carve out time to tackle your “trouble project.” Block off whatever time you need on your calendar and STICK TO IT, just as you would honor a business meeting with a client or co-worker.

Set a Timer

If you’ve set aside time but you’re still having trouble getting started, try setting a timer. Once the timer is going, you’re not allowed to do anything else (check social media, browse online, clean your desk drawer) besides the one, specific task you need to do. If the idea of a timer sounds daunting, try setting it for a short amount of time—say 10 or 15 minutes. The idea is to simply get moving, even for a short while. This can help the task seem less daunting.

Prepare

If you need to engage in a tough conversation or send a difficult email, it is a good idea to prepare. Rehearse what you’re going to say, write out a rough draft, or practice out loud (see my blog post on prepping for tough conversations). If the task involves individual work (say, filling out a tedious spreadsheet), you can prepare by setting up your environment for success. Close your door, put your phone in airplane mode, put on your headphones—whatever will help you concentrate.

Relax

Sometimes the very idea of a certain task can cause stress. To combat heightened stress, try engaging in a relaxing activity before diving in. Try 15 minutes of yoga or stretching, do a crossword puzzle, read a few pages of a book, or go on a brief walk. Then get started!

Talk About It

To help you gain new perspectives, it can be helpful to talk about your assignment with others. You might choose to consult those who are close to the problem—people who understand exactly what you’re up against—or those who are removed from it and will see your situation with fresh eyes. Both types of people have merit and can potentially offer valuable points of view.

Set a Deadline

If your terrible task does not have a firm deadline, set one! Then, commit to sticking to it. This can give you the motivation you need to get rolling and complete your assignment.

Determine a Stick…

What happens if you do not finish your task on time? Or if you fail to work on the project during your allotted time? Figure out a “stick” to motivate yourself. Maybe you’re not allowed to open any social media apps until you’ve completed the task. Or perhaps you’ll opt to cut down your TV time and dedicate that time to your “terrible task.”

…and a Carrot!

Don’t forget to celebrate your victory against the terrible task. Figure out how you will reward yourself for completing this project, and keep that reward in mind as you work. This could be something small (a special dessert, a new book, etc.) or something larger (dinner out, a weekend away), depending on how difficult the task is.

Though it is tempting to continually “kick the can down the road” when it comes to terrible tasks, the reality is, we have to face them eventually. Use these 8 tricks to motivate yourself to complete the project that’s looming over you. Believe me, you’ll feel better once you do.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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