Category Archives: Communication
June 11, 2025 Taking Real (Not Performative) Actions
Have you ever felt like a person or business was putting on a show for their own gain? They may have made some kind of gesture or action that seemed helpful or kind on the surface, but when you looked a little closer, this act was really self-serving or ingenuine. Maybe it was a CEO apologizing (but not really apologizing) for some kind of misstep. Or maybe a business donated to a certain political party…and also donated to the competing party.
Gestures such as these would likely make you pause, do a double-take, and question the authenticity of the person, group, or business. That’s because there is a huge difference between genuine actions and performative ones. Genuine actions come from the heart. They are meaningful and substantial. And most importantly, they are done without the expectation of public acknowledgment or thanks.
On the other hand, performative or symbolic actions lack substance. Often, they are done publicly, to bolster the image of a person or business. The people or organizations that are supposedly benefitting from the performative action come second—they’re an afterthought. The most important thing is the boost the performer gets, whether that boost is related to image, finances, or ego.
Examples of Performative Actions
One type of performative action is supporting a marginalized group during a specific time of year (Black History Month, Women’s History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, etc.) for the sole purpose of profiting off that group. Or, perhaps a company sends out a cheery office-wide email recognizing an important issue (Happy Mental Health Month! Here is a list of 10 ways to practice self-care…), but then fails to take any real action to improve that issue (therapy programs, mental health leave, grief counseling, etc.).
Performance could also happen on a smaller scale. The late Pope Francis used the season of Lent as an example, saying that although giving something up (such as meat or chocolate) could be noble, it is more meaningful to do good works or take genuine steps to help others. He suggested fifteen simple “acts of love” as an alternative. These included saying “hello” and “thank you” to others, reminding people how much you love them, celebrating others’ successes, and donating to those in need. These small actions might not get you much credit or external recognition, but that’s not the point. The point is to quietly and authentically make the world a better place.
Choosing Authenticity
How do you make sure you’re acting authentically and not putting on a performance? Or, on a larger scale, how can you make sure your business is acting with genuine motives?
A great test is to think about your purpose or intentions (or the intentions of the business). Are you genuinely concerned about a cause and want to help? Or are you more concerned with how your actions are being perceived? Are you okay with receiving zero recognition for your actions? Or are you hoping for praise and accolades? These questions might warrant some contemplation—time to really sit and honestly consider your intentions.
Keep in mind: People can often see through a performance. If you act genuinely and have the right intentions, that will take you a long way in all aspects of life. It’s all about intention and carrying out that intention in a forthright way.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: act genuinely, acting with authenticity, eschew performative actions, margaret smith career coach, Margaret Smith life coach, real not performative actions
- Leave a comment
- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Better Business, Communication
May 21, 2025 Building Community
Practically speaking, we’re more connected than ever. With email, video chats, messaging apps, social media, and more, we’re just a click away from communicating with just about anyone. Why, then, is there so much talk about a nation-wide loneliness epidemic? Why are so many families out of touch with each other? Why are more and more people (from teens to the elderly) feeling isolated? And why do so many people not know their neighbors?
If technology built community, we would be a thriving network of individuals. Instead, many of us sit inside, scrolling through social media and “liking” others’ posts, without making any true connections. It seems we would rather have a million surface-level contacts than sit down with someone and have a conversation. This stark reality is unfortunate, because community is vital, and we need it more than ever.
How to Create Community
There is not, of course, a catch-all answer when it comes to building community. This is something that takes time and looks different in different circumstances. A person’s work community will look different from their community of family and friends, which will look different from their faith, volunteer, or special interest community. We may be more casual or more formal in certain communities. Or, we might feel like some topics are taboo in certain circles. Despite how different our communities can be, I do think some approaches to building community are universal. These include:
Be Genuine
We’ve probably all encountered people who strike us disingenuous or even “fake.” These types of people might be prone to exaggeration, or they might completely change their demeanor when they’re around certain people. While it’s fine to moderate your behavior around certain groups, there’s a big difference between editing your speech and becoming a completely different person. There’s also a difference between being a little more casual/formal in some situations and completely compromising your values. A genuine person will remain steadfast to their values and who they are, at their core.
Reach Out
Building community takes active work and participation. Extend invitations to others, be inclusive, and keep at. Sometimes it takes time for people to warm to you and feel as if they are part of your community. At the same time, if you sense that someone is truly not interested, there are other fish in the sea! Find those who seem interested in a reciprocal relationship—those who are willing to contribute and be a part of something.
Engage
In my book, The Ten-Minute Leadership Challenge, I devote an entire chapter to Building Community (focused on the workplace). Though this book was published a decade ago and parts of it are outdated (nothing about working remotely, for instance!), much of it is still relevant. In the community chapter, I discuss forming an authentic, respectful relationship with others by asking good questions and truly listening to the responses. The book puts forth a challenge related to this on page 119: “Test your listening skills. Challenge yourself to remember three important details from every conversation you have this week. Jot down those details immediately and then try to recall them two or three hours later. Can you do it?”
The purpose of this exercise is to 1) test your listening skills (are you truly paying attention?) and 2) help you learn something new about those around you. Healthy communities involve respectful and reciprocal relationships. It’s important to learn about each other, so we know how best to support and interact with one another.
If you’re feeling the isolation of our modern, social-media-dominated world, I suggest having the courage to put yourself out there, extend invitations to others, and start engaging in meaningful conversations. These are great first steps, but keep in mind: building community takes time and effort. If you genuinely care about your fellow community members, you will periodically check in with them and offer them support. And, if you surround yourself with caring and authentic individuals, they will do the same for you.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: Building Community, combat loneliness and build community, how to foster community, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker
March 19, 2025 5 Strategies for Being Heard
Do you sometimes feel like your voice isn’t being heard? Do others tend to dominate the conversation, putting forth their ideas and perspectives without giving you a turn to speak? Whether you’re dealing with interactions in your personal life or the workplace, it is incredibly frustrating to be silenced.
This silencing can happen for a variety of reasons. Maybe you’re naturally quiet or laid back. Perhaps the people dominating the conversation are especially loud or domineering (or, in some cases, even narcissistic). Or maybe the workplace culture or social norms dictate who normally speaks and is listened to. Whatever the case, it is possible to break through the barrier and be heard.
Keep in mind, your thoughts, opinions, points of view, and ideas are valuable. You bring fresh perspectives to the table, and your views are worthwhile. Not to mention, assertive people are the ones who normally get raises and promotions; they’re noticed, and people listen to them. You can be that person. Here are five suggestions to get started:
Enter with Confidence
You set the tone for a conversation as soon as you enter a room or log into a Zoom meeting. Your body language can exude confidence and savviness…or it can show timidness and insecurity. To develop the confidence you need, I suggest preparing as best you can for the meeting or conversation. Do your due diligence and learn whatever background information you need to be a confident contributor. You could even practice reciting a few sentences in the mirror (practicing out loud really does help).
Then, focus on your body language. Keep your shoulders up, head high, and a pleasantly confident expression on your face. Pay attention to what is being said, and understand when your input might be valuable.
Stop Interrupters
If someone interrupts you in the middle of a sentence, put a stop to it, if possible. Sometimes interruptions happen in the natural flow of conversation, but other times they are chronic and consistent and need to be stopped. To stop an interrupter, try holding up your hand and saying something to direct attention back to you. Some examples are:
“Wait. I know you want to jump in, but I wasn’t quite finished.”
“Great point. I’ll address that when I’m done speaking.”
“Hold on, please. I’m almost done making my point.”
Anticipate the Interruption
If interruptions are the norm in certain groups or settings, you can set yourself up for success by preemptively addressing that problem. When you start speaking, try opening with a sentence like, “I would like two uninterrupted minutes to make an additional point.” Or: “I know many of you are eager to share, but I would love to say one thing before anyone else gives their input.” Then, proceed.
By opening with such a statement you’re setting up a clear expectation. You will say your piece, and then others will have a turn.
Find an Advocate/Partner
If your efforts to be heard are not bearing fruit, it may be a good idea to confide in someone else who is regularly in the same meetings or conversations. Confide in this person privately and let them know your frustrations. It’s possible they have no clue that you’re feeling silenced or left out. Once they’re aware of the issue, ask if they would be willing to subtly include you in meetings. This could mean saying something like, “We haven’t heard from Catherine yet. I’m curious if she has any ideas.” Or: “Catherine, you seem to want to say something. What’s on your mind?” Or: “Hold up, Roger. I think Catherine was in the middle of saying something. Let’s hear her out before you take your turn.”
Talk to Your Interrupter
In some cases, depending on your relationship with the person or people who chronically interrupt you, it may be best to be direct. If you feel comfortable enough with someone to have an honest conversation, do so and let them know how you feel. You might say something like the following:
“I always appreciate your enthusiasm in meetings, but lately it feels like there’s no room for my voice. Do you suppose I could have the floor for a few minutes next time?”
“I didn’t get much of a chance to offer my perspective at yesterday’s meeting. At our next one, I would love just two or three minutes of uninterrupted floor time.”
“I had several thoughts during our last meeting, but I didn’t have a chance to express them. Could I kick off our next meeting with a few uninterrupted minutes of speaking time?
I suggest having this conversation in person, rather than over email or a messaging app, so you can talk civilly and not blow things out of proportion.
Don’t let those who are the loudest and most confident (or aggressive) always get air time. You, and your quieter colleagues and friends, have valuable things to say and contribute, and your voices deserve to be heard. With a few intentional strategies and actions, you should be able to amplify your voice and confidently deliver your message.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: amplify your voice at work, Be heard at work, listened to at work, margaret smith career coach, Margaret Smith LP of Insights, strategies for being heard
- Leave a comment
- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Communication, Thrive at Work
UXL Blog 