Category Archives: Communication
November 19, 2025 Surrounding Yourself with Kindness
You have a choice, and it’s one of the most important choices you can make: You can choose who to surround yourself with. This week, let’s talk about why the people around you matter and how to weed out toxicity (and choose kindness) in your life.
Why “Your People” Matter
Have you ever dropped food coloring into clear water? Even a few drops can taint an entire pitcher, changing it from clear to bright green, or red, or blue. And if you give it a stir, the color will take hold even quicker, disguising the clear water entirely.
This is how toxic relationships can leak into our lives. Even a single toxic individual (like a single drop of food coloring) can ruin our day, dim our joy, or make us not want to show up for work. And two or three individuals can ruin things even quicker. Even if you have a sunny personality and are able to block out some toxicity (deflecting it like a piece of cheese cloth might ward off the drops of food coloring), that toxicity has a way of eventually soaking through.
In short, who we surround ourselves with matters. If the people you see on a regular basis tend to criticize and naysay, you’ll likely find yourself drained and depleted at the end of the day. On the other hand, if you’re surrounded by people who cheer you on, believe in you, and regularly uplift you, you’ll likely feel more energized, fortified, and affirmed.
Therapist John Kim wrote in a Psychology Today article, “…ask yourself who around you is draining you, sucking your energy and taking you hostage, making you feel insecure and less than, not supporting you and your story. What relationships in your life are lopsided? But more importantly, what you are going to do about it?”
What to Do About It
It can be difficult to know how to deal with a person (or people) who are, frankly, jerks. You might not be able to avoid a particular co-worker, for instance, or you might have to occasionally deal with a toxic friend or family member. However, there are a few proactive steps you can take:
Set Boundaries
If a friend is constantly dimming your light, you can choose to limit the time you spend with that person. If a co-worker is always naysaying ideas, you can push back with positivity (“Okay, we’ve heard from Susan what won’t work for this project. Who has an idea about what could work?”). Or, you might try to limit your interactions with them (scheduling fewer meetings, opting to only answer their emails once per day, etc.).
Surround Yourself with Kindness
Though we can’t always pick who we interact with, we can at times. You have the power to choose friends who uplift you and cheer you on. You can spend your time in committees and social groups that are positive and affirming, rather than ones that gossip and/or tear others down. You can also choose (in some cases) to focus your time on co-workers and family members who you enjoy being around. Remember: you are not obligated to upkeep friendships or acquaintances, just because you have known the other person for a long time. Sometimes, it’s okay to prune certain relationships from your life.
Talk Things Over
In certain cases, such as with close friends, family, or co-workers you see regularly, you may want to engage in a conversation about how they show up. John Kim suggests to “come from a place of care and concern, then tell them how their actions and energy are impacting you and the relationship.” Accusations and insults will lead nowhere, but constructive feedback could. It could be that the other person is unaware of how their words or actions are affecting you. Or maybe they are going through a rough patch and inadvertently taking out their frustrations on the people around them. A gentle and tactful conversation might illuminate those things for them.
Don’t let your well become tainted with toxicity! Understand how impactful the people around you can be and take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and infuse your life with positivity. You probably have more power over who you allow into your life than you realize.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
Tags: Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker, positive people in life, positive presence, setting boundaries, surround yourself with kindness
October 22, 2025 Why Open Yourself to Others’ Perspectives?
As we grow older, we might get wiser…or we might become more set in our ways! Sometimes, our openness and curiosity diminish, and we find ourselves with set preferences and perspectives. That can lead to shutting down others or making snap judgments about another’s ideas, behaviors, or points of view. And we might not even realize we’re doing it.
The Harm in Rigid Thinking
Being set in your ways limits you. You close yourself off to whole worlds of thinking, and you erroneously believe that your way is the “only” way or the “right” way. This can be damaging in any office setting, no matter the industry. And this can be doubly damaging if you are in a leadership position (either formally or as an informal team leader). Companies can never reach their full potential if ideas and perspectives are limited. Creativity and innovation is how you open new doors, reach new markets, and stay relevant.
Companies and leaders that live by “it’s always been done this way” are too inflexible to deal with any major changes. And the truth is, change is inevitable. Whether a company is dealing with a pandemic, changing market tastes, new technology, or any other foundation-shaking change, it’s necessary to roll with the punches, rethink the current system, and try new approaches.
Embracing Other Perspectives
This is why it’s so crucial to open yourself to others’ viewpoints and voices. When we make snap judgments, we close doors. When we’re uncomfortable with someone’s ideas, perspective, or even the way they are saying something, we might think or say things like:
“That will never work”
“No one will go for that”
“This isn’t in the spirit of the company” (Or: “this doesn’t embrace the company’s culture”)
“We don’t do things that way”
When you catch yourself closing to others’ ideas or making immediate judgments, it’s a good idea to pause. Acknowledge your bias or discomfort. Then, ask yourself, “What if…”
“What if this idea does have merit?”
“What if others agree, and I just haven’t realized it?”
“What if it’s time to reshape company culture?”
“What if the company can start modifying its approaches and try something new?”
The other important element in opening yourself to alternative perspectives is becoming an attentive listener. Instead of immediately coming up with a response, take the time to truly listen, absorb what is being said, and genuinely consider it.
Workplaces function best when everyone participates. When you promote a true “marketplace” of ideas, you open the door to all kinds of creative solutions, innovations, and new opportunities. As a leader, you play an important role in establishing the kind of open and welcoming atmosphere that considers new ideas, listens to everyone’s thoughts, and isn’t afraid to depart from the “same old” way of doing things. Start making an effort to open doors for others, instead of keeping them closed and locked.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: alternate viewpoints, better ideas and creativity, consider others POVs, margaret smith career coach, margaret smith leadership, open yourself to others perspectives, value others perspectives
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- Posted under Advice from a Life Coach, Communication, Teamwork
October 8, 2025 Why to Promote Positive Gossip
Office gossip can be a problem. If people are constantly belittling or criticizing others behind their backs, that can lead to a toxic and unwelcoming environment. No one wants to feel as if they have to constantly be on guard around their co-workers, lest they become the next subject of the workplace rumor mill. As a leader, your first inclination might be to shut down office gossip entirely. But what if I told you that might not be the best approach?
It’s Tough to Battle Human Nature
Human beings are naturally social creatures, and it’s exceedingly difficult to fully shut down the gossip pipeline. Our tendency to talk about others is part of what makes us human. We like to be kept in the loop, hear the latest news, and be part of the circle that’s “in the know.”
This can be especially true for those who are more social and extroverted. Their dynamics with other people are part of their core identity, and it’s important to be part of the office “connective tissue.” Looking at this through an Insights® Discovery lens, these individuals may lead with yellow or red energy. These two personality types are defined by extroversion, overt communication, and relationships with others (often more collaborative for “yellow energy” folks and more hierarchal for “red energy” folks).
For many offices, with their wide array of personalities and tendencies, stopping gossip and chitchat is like trying to dam a roaring river with only a few sticks. Rather than fight human nature, it is a good idea to try a different approach.
Promoting Positive Gossip
Rather than prohibit gossip, full stop, it’s possible to approach gossip differently. If people are going to talk about each other no matter what, why not put a positive spin on it? Encourage the good kind of gossip—the kind that compliments and uplifts others, and praises their actions.
The easiest and most natural way to promote this type of gossip is to model it. When you encounter a team member in the hallway or are having a one-on-one conversation on Zoom, throw in a compliment or two about other teammates:
“It’s a good thing Marissa is so on top of deadlines. That’s really helping us reach our client goals this quarter.”
“Ari is so creative. Did you hear his ideas in the last brainstorming session?”
“Juana is working so hard lately, even though I know she’s juggling work with childcare.”
When you bring up these types of compliments, make sure they naturally fit the flow of the conversation and come across as sincere. Make them part of your everyday discussions, and soon they will become second nature.
The other part of this effort is flipping negative gossip into positive statements. If, for example, someone complains about Juana missing the last deadline, you might say, “That is frustrating. However, I’ve talked with her and I know she’s juggling childcare with work. Because of that, she is working harder than ever lately, which is pretty admirable.” It’s possible to turn an office that engages in negative gossip into one that emphasizes the positive. Take it one conversation at a time, making sure you’re modeling the type of behavior you want your team to embody. After all, the river of gossip may want to keep flowing, but you can direct it into more positive territory, rather than attempting to stop it completely.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: margaret smith leadership, Margaret Smith Minneapolis career coach, promote positive office gossip, turn gossip positive, workplace positive gossip, workplace rumor mill
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- Posted under Better Business, Communication, Teamwork
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